tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-326677932024-03-14T05:57:44.723-04:00We Can RelatePersonal and pop culture-based riffs on all types of relationshipsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger338125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-36307556914228669422009-07-23T13:30:00.003-04:002009-07-23T13:38:24.413-04:00Men asked, they answeredToday, lifestyle site AskMen.com revealed the results of The Great Male Survey, which polled more than 50,000 men on their views about relationships, finance, fashion and more.<br /><br />“The results of the 2009 survey confirmed that men aren't the bumbling sex maniacs that TV shows and commercials make us out to be," said James Bassil, editor-in-chief of AskMen.com. "We're in fact intelligent, romantic, self-aware beings … with enormous libidos.”<br /><br />Some of the results:<br /><br />–<span style="font-weight: bold;"> 84 percent</span> of men look for wife potential in a girlfriend.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">85 percent</span> of men believe that they should pay for the majority of dates at least until a relationship is established.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">70 percent</span> of men would not cheat, but only <span style="font-weight: bold;">13 percent</span> are entirely satisfied with their sex lives.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">84 percent </span>cook at home.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">50 percent</span> are comfortable with their significant other staying in touch with an ex.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">69 percent</span> have fantasized about a girlfriend or wife's friend.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">73 percent</span> of men are comfortable sending birthday wishes via text message, versus a phone call or face-to-face greeting.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">81 percent</span> of respondents say that the economic crisis has not had a direct negative effect on their career progress; yet it did prompt 69 percent of men to save more money in 2009.<br /><br />– The best-dressed men are in Italy.<br /><br />– American men have greater moral qualms about living with a partner before marriage, are more likely to fake an orgasm (!!), and are more concerned about global warming than their male counterparts in Australia, UK and Canada.<br /><br />In addition, AskMen.com partnered with Yahoo! Shine for The Great Female Survey, which had about 19,000 respondents. Highlights:<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">34 percent</span> of women said their confidence is their main weapon to attract men.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">17 percent</span> use their looks as their secret weapon.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">39 percent</span> of women believe Sarah Palin set women back 20 years.<br /><br />– More than 75 percent believe that women of this era are best identified as “do-it-all multi-taskers” versus the <span style="font-weight: bold;">8 percent</span> who feel that a woman should be identified as a nurturing mother and the <span style="font-weight: bold;">13 percent</span> who think of women as “career women go-getters.”<br /><br />Comparative results revealed:<br /><br />– Men are more traditional, women are less traditional.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">12 percent</span> fewer women than men believe that marriage is a necessary institution that they will participate in to help preserve.<br /><br />– <span style="font-weight: bold;">48 percent </span>of men said they would dump a girlfriend if she became fat (c'mon, guys!), while 70 percent of women said they would keep a husky boyfriend around.<br /><br />–<span style="font-weight: bold;"> 60 percent</span> of men would take the male birth control pill and 68 percent of women would prefer that option too.<br /><br />Are the results what you expected? I was surprised at how many men thought they should pay for more dates at the beginning of the relationship ... and that so few are satisfied with their sex lives. Also, I say bring on that male birth control pill!<br /><br />You can view full survey results <a href="http://www.askmen.com/specials/2009-great-male-survey/2009_survey_index.html">here</a> and <a href="http://www.shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/the-great-female-and-male-survey-results-are-in-and-they-might-surprise-you-491320/">here</a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-9289068233958647112009-07-02T08:00:00.001-04:002009-07-02T08:00:04.566-04:00Anti-belly fat marketers: We got the messageDear Internet advertising designers/developers: Please, no more about belly fat.<br /><br />I need no more details about how we gain it, how to lose it, or how celebrities from Oprah Winfrey to Rachael Ray have employed new and expensive methods for eradicating it. (<em>And you can, too!</em>)<br /><br />Give me no more <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">testimonials</span> written by supposed local moms who claim to swear by Product A or Product B. Ditto for made-up blogs accompanied by grainy photos and very old comments expressing support, real or imagined.<br /><br />But, most <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">emphatically</span>, don't show me any more photos of other people's belly fat when I visit a Web page -- and it happens nearly every time I click. (Try searching "belly fat." I got 2.8 million results. For research purposes, I clicked. Too many links included photos.)<br /><br />Why in the world would some ad agency employee think that <em>seeing someone squish their belly fat </em>would make me want to click the photo to read more?<br /><br />Please, stop.<br /><br />I don't need anymore <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">descriptions</span> to know that it's bad or that, if I have it, I should get rid of it.<br /><br />I certainly don't need a photo to know what it is.<br /><br />And, here's a clue: When it comes to losing belly fat, you might inspire me more by what I might achieve -- not by what I might already be.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-42051670190851434962009-07-01T09:27:00.006-04:002009-07-01T09:46:01.576-04:00Should you stay or should you go?The saddest thing I've heard in the whole Mark Sanford mess?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.charlotteobserver.com/408/story/810182.html"></a>That he considers his Argentinian mistress his soul mate ... and yet he's trying to fall back in love with his wife.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trying</span>? Bonnie Raitt lyrics immediately spring to mind:<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>"I can't make you love me if you don't/You can't make your heart feel something it won't."<br /><br />I've been thinking about this for several days now. If you're in a committed relationship and you become more emotionally connected to a person outside that relationship, do you stay in your current situation, or do you leave? Do you sacrifice your personal happiness for the promise you made to your partner?<br /><br />Thanks to the S.C. governor's verbal diarrhea, we know way more than we should about his personal struggles. ("My guess is that it's an emotional breakdown," said Katon Dawson, immediate past chairman of the state Republican Party. "He's so emotional now he wants to tell everybody everything.") We also know from <a href="http://www.charlotteobserver.com/143/story/798237.html">their e-mails</a> that Mark Sanford and Maria Belen Chapur weren't just having a fling. They made an emotional connection way before they had a physical one. “This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story,” <a href="http://www.charlotteobserver.com/408/story/810182.html">Sanford, said in an interview yesterday</a>. Dude was crying during the interview; he's been crying a lot lately. “A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.”<br /><br />So here's what I wanna know: if you aren't in love with your partner anymore and you want to be with someone else -- and we're not talking about lust, or simple infatuation here -- why stay in that relationship? Because, really, who benefits in the long run? Also, if you know your partner isn't in love with you anymore, why would you want them to stay? I can understand sticking together for the kids, but do you honestly think they won't know that something isn't right?<br /><br />On the flip side, there's something to be said for making a promise and keeping it. When people commit to each other, it's an agreement that they will live their lives as a team. Most people who have kids in relationships do so with the understanding that they'll have a partner in parenting. A support system in tough times and someone to enjoy the good times. Such a commitment should be able to withstand factors such as infidelity and emotional malaise, right? You work through them and come out stronger on other side.<br /><br />... Or not.<br /><br />Oy. Makes me glad to be single. But what about you, readers? Would you leave if you loved someone else, or would you stay?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-51331442655652309402009-06-29T07:21:00.000-04:002009-06-29T07:21:10.018-04:00Will we ever like public couples?When it comes to the seesaw of public opinion, the past few weeks have given us the extreme highs and lows of relationships and politics.<br /><br />Most recently, we watched in awe -- and, many of us, in disgust -- as S.C. governor Mark Sanford confessed to an extramarital affair and his wife, Jenny, explained that she kicked him out to maintain her dignity. We derided the governor, praised his wife, and pitied their family for having to deal with all of it.<br /><br />A few weeks before that, we saw President Obama take his wife, Michelle, on a romantic date -- dinner in New York City and a Broadway show. We complained. We asked: Were the Obamas setting an unrealistic example for romance? We sniffed: Nice that he can take his wife to NYC for a date, unlike the rest of us.<br /><br />So we don't like philanderers. And we don't like romantics. Huh?<br /><br />Seems like, when it comes to couples in the public eye, all we do is complain.<br /><br />We've criticized how Elizabeth Edwards has handled her husband's infidelity. We've watched with glee for any sign of strife between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. We slammed Lisa Marie Presley for marrying Michael Jackson -- and questioned her need to declare her love upon his death.<br /><br />So, who do we love? Is there a high-profile relationship in which we wouldn't find fault? And, if the answer is no, what does that say about us?Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-54923672955343557032009-06-26T12:13:00.012-04:002009-06-27T06:07:48.437-04:00Way to go, Jenny Sanford!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SkTuY8aP_yI/AAAAAAAAAPM/zVWlN-QHNyk/s1600-h/8IJDMBB_SC_Governor_Where.JPG_06-26-2009_2.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 287px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SkTuY8aP_yI/AAAAAAAAAPM/zVWlN-QHNyk/s400/8IJDMBB_SC_Governor_Where.JPG_06-26-2009_2.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351664369523490594" border="0" /></a><br />I want to buy Jenny Sanford a drink. Girlfriend could probably use one about now.<br /><br />People are slamming on her, saying she's a controlling harpy. So cold, so bossy, so tough. No wonder her man ran into the arms of another woman, they say. If she'd been concentrating on what was going on at home, instead of what was going on at the office, she might not be in this mess.<br /><br />What a crock.<br /><br />I think Jenny Sanford is awesome. We've seen a parade of political wives who've stood by their men as they denied or apologized for their sexual indiscretions. Every time there's a chorus of, "why is she putting up with this? How can she stand to be humiliated in such a way? What a fool!" and so on. Then the Sanford crap hits the fan and Miss Jenny is <span style="font-style: italic;">so</span> not like those other wives. She's probably like, "you know what? I've been dealing with this hot mess for five months while this joker tries to figure out what he wants to do. I've already kicked his butt out. The kids will need therapy. <span style="font-style: italic;">And </span>he left Father's Day weekend? No way I'm going down like this!"<br /><br />So what does she do? When Mark Sanford went missing, she didn't cover for him. She admitted she had no idea where he was, knowing what message <span>that</span> would send. When he held his <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">mea</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">culpa</span> news conference, she and her four boys were nowhere in sight. When reporters asked about her husband's political career, her response was, "his career is not a concern of mine. He'll have to worry about that. I'm going to worry about my family and the character of my children."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Love</span> her.<br /><br />Jenny Sanford is going through a defining moment in her life, and she has chosen to put herself and her kids first -- not her husband's career. I admire that. She's handling this situation on <span style="font-style: italic;">her</span> terms, which has got to be hard, considering the intense pressure she's under. If she takes her husband back, it won't be for appearance's sake, it'll be because she wants to give their marriage another chance.<br /><br />Where others see a harpy I see a strong, smart woman who's being straight-up with everyone, especially her husband. Why criticize her for standing up for herself? At least she'll be able to hold her head high after this ... which is more than we can say for Mark Sanford and his Argentinian mistress.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Update:</span> Jenny Sanford offers details about how she found out about the affair <a href="http://www.charlotteobserver.com/597/story/803348.html">here</a>. Man, did her husband dig himself a deep hole!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-15247242827730235792009-06-26T11:10:00.002-04:002009-06-26T11:18:38.452-04:00Can infidelity plus love equal pity?<a href="http://www.charlotteobserver.com/politics/story/798237.html">Mark Sanford's e-mails</a> to his Argentinian mistress drip with emotion, with detail, with passion.<br /><br />They read like they were written by a man who longs to express his feelings in poetry. They read like they were written by a man in love.<br /><br />It's surprising: I've heard pity for South Carolina's governor from an array of avid followers of the story -- from married to single, man and woman.<br /><br />How tragic, those followers say, to be 49, a public figure, and so obviously in love.<br /><br />How horrifying, they say, to have such private thoughts and feelings trotted out for public display.<br /><br />How stupid, they conclude, for Sanford to have made such a classic misstep by a man in a position of power.<br /><br />No one can win in such a situation -- not Sanford, not his mistress, and, most importantly, not his wife and kids. (We'll have to see how the residents of South Carolina fare.)<br /><br />It's not that finding love excuses infidelity. Before entering into a relationship with Maria <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Belen</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Chapur</span>, perhaps Sanford should have settled things with his wife. He should have repaired a marriage that wasn't quite right in his heart. And if he felt he couldn't honor that union -- obviously, he didn't -- he should have tried to be as honorable as he could in the situation and ended the marriage.<br /><br />But he did neither of those things, and now his tragedy -- and the tragedy of his family -- is a drama for the nation.<br /><br />And his love, most certainly, is lost.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-13587546789368216242009-06-18T09:56:00.000-04:002009-06-18T10:03:23.463-04:00Movies to break up to<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SjpAm-YnxNI/AAAAAAAAAPE/tYlwEgWaD7c/s1600-h/vince_vaughn1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 360px; height: 249px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SjpAm-YnxNI/AAAAAAAAAPE/tYlwEgWaD7c/s400/vince_vaughn1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348658545781359826" border="0" /></a><br />A friend sent me this list of 20 Essential Break Up movies, as chosen and described by <a href="http://advice.eharmony.com/article/20-essential-break-up-movies.html?cid=2091&aid=61704">eHarmony</a>. I'm amused that a dating site would do such a thing (to help people recover quickly and move on to their next eHarmony-provided relationship?), but I like that the list is a mix of old and new, U.S. and foreign flicks.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind": </span>This offbeat romantic comedy stars Jim Carrey as Joel, who opts for a procedure in which memories of his girlfriend, Clementine (Kate Winslet), are erased after he learns she's already had the surgery done. But as his doctor begins to wipe out traces of Clementine, Joel decides he doesn't want to lose what's left of their relationship, so he squirrels away the memories somewhere else in his brain.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. "Kramer vs. Kramer":</span> Ted (Dustin Hoffman) is a career-driven yuppie -- until he finds out his wife (Meryl Streep) is leaving him and their 6-year-old son. Ted soon finds that he loves being a full-time parent, but then his wife reappears to reclaim the boy. Poignant and beautifully acted.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. "Annie Hall":</span> Listen closely and you can actually hear the stress hormones pumping through the bodies of the characters in Annie Hall. Woody Allen's real, funny ode to love among twitchy city dwellers includes cameos from not-yet-stars Jeff Goldblum, Shelley Duvall and Sigourney Weaver.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. "Chungking Express":</span> Hong Kong director Kar Wai Wong established a unique style with this cerebral film that tells two somewhat similar but unrelated stories about loneliness and disconnection in the big city. In the first story, a policeman pines after his former girlfriend and gives himself 30 days to find another woman; in the second story, another policeman catches the eye of an attractive waitress, who's intent on completely rearranging his life.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. High Fidelity: </span>Vintage record store owner Rob Gordon (John Cusack) has been dumped by his girlfriend, Laura (Iben Hjejle), because he hasn't changed since they met. In an attempt to figure out where things went wrong, Rob revisits his top five breakups of all time. As he seeks out his former lovers to find out why they dumped him, he continues his efforts to win Laura back. Based on the Nick Hornby novel, the film is a clever, funny tribute to the music scene.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6. "The War of the Roses": </span>This battle of the married sexes played out under director Danny DeVito's jaundiced eye is what The Washington Post termed, "A yuppie Armageddon, an explosion of empty values and curdled peevishness." Oliver Rose (Michael Douglas) is losing control over his wife, Barbara (Kathleen Turner), after 17 years of marriage. The irreconcilable difference is their house. Neither wants to move out, so that means all-out war!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7. "White":</span> Julie Delpy stars in Krzysztof Kieslowski's dark comedy (the middle segment in his "three colors" trilogy) about the price of passion. Polish immigrant Karol Karol (Zbigniew Zamachowski) is humiliated in a public courtroom by his wife (Delpy) during their divorce proceedings. Shamed and brokenhearted, he finds an ally in a fellow countryman. The two concoct a way back to post-Communist Poland, where Karol sets about rebuilding his life.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8. "Broken Flowers":</span> After being dumped by yet another girlfriend (Julie Delpy), Don Johnston (Bill Murray) vows he'll be alone forever. But when a mysterious unsigned letter arrives in the mail, he's surprised to learn he has a 19-year-old son. With no idea who the mother could be, Don sets out on a cross-country journey to confront his past, surprising a series of old flames (Frances Conroy, Jessica Lange, Sharon Stone and Tilda Swinton) along the way.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">9. "Swingers": </span>In director Doug Liman's career-making look at twentysomething guys, struggling comedian Mike (Jon Favreau) despairs over his love life, so his four pals, fellow Hollywood hopefuls, pump up his nightlife. Buddy (Vince Vaughn), offering dubious lessons on "babes," even whisks Mike to Vegas. Although their attempts at living la vida loca seldom work out as fantasized, Mike meets one woman (Heather Graham) who might finally break his funk.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">10. "The Squid and the Whale": </span>Jeff Daniels makes for a haunting Brooklyn professor who's well past his prime, and Laura Linney is his writer wife on the brink of stardom in Noah Baumbach's honest look at the disintegration of a marriage. With their lives headed for distinctly opposite directions, the two can't help but be acrimonious about their impending separation. Unfortunately, their two children are stuck in the middle of the emotional warfare.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">11. Forgetting Sarah Marshall: </span>A hilarious comedy produced by Judd Apatow ("Knocked Up," "Superbad"). After his TV star girlfriend, Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell), breaks his heart, Peter (Jason Segel) wants nothing more than to enjoy his vacation in Hawaii. One problem: Sarah's vacationing at the same resort he is, and even worse, she's bringing her new beau. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />12. Better Off Dead:</span> After his girlfriend (Amanda Wyss) ditches him for a boorish ski jock, Lane (John Cusack) decides that suicide is the only answer. However, his increasingly inept attempts only bring him more agony and embarrassment. Filled with the wildest teen nightmares, a family you can't help but identify with and a host of wonderful comic characters.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">13. "An Unmarried Woman":</span> Director Paul Mazursky's poignant portrayal of a woman dealing with the dissolution of her marriage was a groundbreaking film at the time of its release. When her seemingly perfect husband (Michael Murphy) leaves her for another woman, devastated wife Erica (Jill Clayburgh) must find untapped strength within herself to build a new life.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">14. Dodsworth:</span> To escape an empty nest, an automobile tycoon (Walter Huston) and his fortysomething wife (Ruth Chatterton) plan a luxurious vacation in Europe. But as Mrs. Dodsworth embarks on a series of indiscretions -- including a romance with a gigolo -- it becomes apparent that the couple's plans for their golden years don't mesh. From director William Wyler, the film is based on the best-selling novel by Sinclair Lewis and an acclaimed stage play.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">15. "Diary of a Mad Black Woman": </span>Helen McCarter (Kimberly Elise) is happy and completely satisfied with her life: She has a doting husband, Charles (Steve Harris), an impressive home in their native Atlanta complete with a swimming pool and tennis courts, and anything else money can buy. But the night before her 18th anniversary, Charles kicks her out of their home and replaces her with his mistress, calling into question what Helen had long considered a solid marriage.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">16. "Breaking Up":</span> Based on a two-person play by Michael Christofer (who also wrote the screenplay), Breaking Up is a series of charming vignettes that reveals the on-again, off-again relationship between modern lovers Steve (Russell Crowe) and Monica (Salma Hayek). Their emotional bond is so intense that it borders on the manic-depressive, and they constantly fluctuate between romantic euphoria and ennui … like many of the rest of us!<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />17. "Divorce American Style": </span>Television sitcom director Norman Lear helms this dark comedy about the paralyzing process of divorce. Ex-couple Dick Van Dyke and Debbie Reynolds come to realize that after the trials and tribulations of dating, debilitating alimony payouts and commiserations with fellow divorcees, married life wasn't so bad after all. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />18. My Super Ex-Girlfriend:</span> It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a bitter superwoman scorned! In this slapstick comedy from Ivan Reitman, New Yorker Matt Saunders (Luke Wilson) is fed up with his manipulative girlfriend, Jenny Johnson (Uma Thurman), and gives her the heave-ho. He moves on with his life, leaving the heartbroken Jenny -- aka G-girl -- to do everything within her superpowers to humiliate Matt.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">19. "The Belly of an Architect":</span> Jealousy rears its ugly head in this searing drama about a workaholic architect, Stourley Kracklite (Brian Dennehy), who's traveling to Rome for a job. On this trip, however, he's brought his wife (Chloe Webb), who's grown distant and whom he begins to suspect is in love with another man. But that's not all: Kracklite also thinks his wife is plotting to kill him so she can live happily ever after, but he won't let her get away with it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">20. "The Break-Up" (pictured above):</span> Once blissfully in love, Gary (Vince Vaughn) and Brooke (Jennifer Aniston) find themselves up in arms over custody of their upscale Chicago condo when petty spats about lemons and dirty dishes end their romance. An escalating battle of the exes ensues as Gary and Brooke continue to live under the same roof … while cooking up schemes to drive each other off the premises.<br /><br />My list would have to include "Closer" (Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Clive Owen and Natalie Portman in a twisted mess of deceit, infidelity and egocentricity) and "Waiting to Exhale" (the healing power of friendship as four black women -- Angela Basset, Whitney Houston, Loretta Devine and Lela Rochon -- deal with romantic quandries). What about yours?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-81777434299337957972009-06-16T12:57:00.003-04:002009-06-16T13:09:44.106-04:00Don't let Calvin Klein get to you<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SjfKE0Sk3OI/AAAAAAAAAO8/1znn9lBuUaE/s1600-h/0_63_061509_calvinklein3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SjfKE0Sk3OI/AAAAAAAAAO8/1znn9lBuUaE/s400/0_63_061509_calvinklein3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347965266630597858" border="0" /></a><br /><br />The clever ad guys at designer Calvin Klein are at it again, stirring the blood of America with a controversial new campaign. Near nudity isn't enough. Implied sweaty sex isn't enough. Implied sweaty <span style="font-style: italic;">gay</span> sex isn't enough. Now we've moved into implied sweaty group bisexual sex.<br /><br />Maybe this wouldn't be so conversation-inspiring if the ad was buried in the latest issue of Cosmo or Vanity Fair. But CK has taken over the side of a building in New York City with a 50-foot billboard of the steamy foursome. (What? You don't think the hottie on the floor is gonna be left out of the action, do you?)<br /><br />"It's soft pornography is what it is," Laurie Baranowski, a tourist in New York, told FoxNews.com. "I don't think that just because you put Calvin Klein's name on it makes it acceptable. It's a beautiful picture, but I don't think that that's the place for it."<br /><br />Aaand ... I agree with her. Not about the "soft pornography" part, but the "I don't think that's the place for it" part. But am I disgusted and morally outraged? Nah. This is what the company does -- they're provocateurs.<br /><br />I took a quick trip down CK ad lane, and the images were borderline NSFW. Lots of pics like this one: genetically blessed, touchy-feely young models, barely clad in snug denim and spritzed with something to make them look sticky and sweaty and sexy as all get-out. The only thing different about this campaign is the number of writhing bodies. (This billboard pic is actually part of <a href="http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z67/designscene/CalvinKleinJeansSS09byStevenMeisel0.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.designscene.net/2009/02/calvin-klein-jeans-ss09-by-steven.html&usg=__INjrrpj0WqLZ25qgNBbCy1XEkxY=&h=508&w=400&sz=103&hl=en&start=27&tbnid=hFObUt7PwXgBtM:&tbnh=131&tbnw=103&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcalvin%2Bklein%2Bjeans%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26sa%3DN%26start%3D18">a series</a>. Think this is freaky? There's an image with <span style="font-style: italic;">five</span> people breathing heavy.)<br /><br />I think what really gets to people is what the image implies. The three guys and one chick look like they're all about to get it on. As in, there aren't enough women to go around, and that's not a problem. Put that on a billboard and not only may some parents have to explain the birds and the bees, but why some boy bees might like other boy bees instead of the queen.<br /><br />But here's the thing. We all know that Calvin Klein is doing this to get publicity, to get people talking. The reality is, while it's a beautiful and erotic photo, everyone in it, and the photographer who took it, were paid to create a fantasy. The only power it has is what we give it. If you don't freak out, your kids won't freak out. As for such an image contributing to the oversexing of our culture, one could argue that a 50-foot billboard of topless, entwined pretty people could actually desensitize passers-by to the beauty and sensuality of the human form. Not me, mind you -- <span style="font-style: italic;">I</span> would smile every time I passed it, and I don't even wear Calvin Klein jeans.<br /><br />What do you think? Are you offended by the new campaign?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-50983722953707728122009-06-10T07:41:00.000-04:002009-06-10T07:44:31.411-04:00Can you find love without looking?As my friend and I once were lamenting the lack of a love life, my friend told me that, although she truly desired a serious relationship, she did not wish to seek. She wanted to be found.<br /><br />It's not that my friend never got offers. She received invites for dates regularly.<br /><br />She just never accepted them, finding reasons to turn down one guy because of one fault, and the next guy for a completely different fault. The criticisms generally were superficial because she never gave the guys a chance. (In the interest of full disclosure, I will confess that I once seriously considered dumping a guy because he held his fork in a really annoying way.)<br /><br />But as for the not seeking, but being found: I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it now. If you want something in your life -- from the trivial to the intrinsic -- don't you have to seek it at some level? Don't you have to do some research, some self-examination -- or, at the very least, some thinking?<br /><br />If you want it, don't you have to work for it?<br /><br />Your search might not take you down the intended path. When I met my husband, I was actually scamming for his friend. I soon found out the friend was a donkey. And my husband wasn't. Most days.<br /><br />That discovery required a search.<br /><br />Being found sounds magical. It seems effortless. But, in the end, I wonder if sticking with that plan would prove more effort than it's worth.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-50845046281334293462009-06-08T09:45:00.001-04:002009-06-10T08:55:37.411-04:00Trouble in a red dressFlipping through the channels on a recent sleepless night, I stumbled across a particularly interesting episode of "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?"<br /><br />A young couple from Pennsylvania was planning their marriage, but family problems got in the way.<br /><br />Groom and brother/best man couldn't get along. The groom was devastated when it came down to this: His brother wouldn't stand for him on his wedding day. He was moved to sobbing; I felt for him.<br /><br />Then, the groom's mother wouldn't cooperate with the bride's wishes in terms of attire.<br /><br />Huh? I thought, this bride needs to get over it. Dresses aren't important enough to get upset about.<br /><br />Then I saw the dress -- red and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">vampy</span>. And heard the mother-in-law say she was so happy about her son getting married, she wanted to pretend it was her day -- and that she was the bride.<br /><br />Granted, that dress looked spectacular. And the mother-in-law was a bubbly hoot, it seemed. (At least the editing made it look so.) But there's being happy for your child's good fortune, and there's taking the spotlight when you really shouldn't.<br /><br />The bride decided to let it ride. And, come wedding day, everyone was happy. Groom and brother made up; the guests smiled graciously as mother-in-law made the rounds; bride was beautiful.<br /><br />But I hope that red dress wasn't a harbinger of serious family relationships issues to come. I wouldn't place any bets on it.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-60928797902402021162009-06-02T08:40:00.000-04:002009-06-02T08:44:41.539-04:00Can Mom be a Babe?When your son asks if he can call you "Babe" -- as in, "Hey, babe," -- several lines of thought race through your mind.<br /><br />You can plead to yourself: Please, please, please, I don't want to raise a Shia LaBeouf, who last month made waves by saying: <span name="konafilter"><span id="intelliTXT">“If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds." (Shia, you can call your mother beautiful without EVER going that far. It is sick.)<br /><br />You can realize he hears his dad calling you babe and be happy with the fact that he recognizes terms of endearment (and genuine affection) in his parents' relationship.<br /><br />Or you can giggle and ask (because your son is an innocent four years old), "I prefer Mommy, but why do you want to call me babe?"<br /><br />"Because I love you," he says.<br /><br />OK, I tell him. That seems like a good reason.<br /></span></span>Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-52282097198727961222009-06-01T09:31:00.001-04:002009-06-01T09:55:18.196-04:00What's in a kiss? A lot<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SiPSvMiqjQI/AAAAAAAAAOk/AuEt_UTn5Ns/s1600-h/0601hallejamie.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/SiPSvMiqjQI/AAAAAAAAAOk/AuEt_UTn5Ns/s400/0601hallejamie.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342345291253845250" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="text"><span>This incident may go down as one of the best or one of the worst decisions of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Halle</span> Berry's career.<br /><br />If you missed it, all you have to do is Google to find photo evidence galore: The actress briefly made out with actor Jamie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Foxx</span> when he gave her the Decade of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Hottness</span> award at Spike <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TV's</span> 2009 "Guys Choice Awards" over the weekend. Actually, "made out" might be too tame a term. Her hand went for his crotch while he grabbed her butt like he planned to take a hunk of it home with him (he also looked like he wanted to cry and/or thank Jesus, which was pretty funny). Depending on how you feel about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Halle</span>, Jamie or very public scope-and-gropes, the scene was disgusting, degrading, or hot as hell.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">What I find fascinating is how people have responded. Message boards are overflowing with people weighing in. There's the "what was she thinking, she's a mother and an Oscar winner" camp. There's the "ain't she got a man at home and won't he be packing his bags when he sees this" camp. There's the "once you go black, you always come back" camp. (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Halle's</span> S.O. is model Gabriel Aubry, who is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">crazygorgeous</span> ... and white.) There's the "Jamie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Foxx</span> is the luckiest man alive and I really hate him" camp. The "they totally had sex in a dressing room after" and "<span style="font-style: italic;">somebody</span> got laid when they got home" camps. And so on. A few seconds of screen time have sparked hours of conversations about race, sexual boundaries, relationship boundaries and modern-day feminism.<br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">For my part, I thought it was bad idea. Don't get me wrong -- I think she should be able to do whatever she wants to do. But no matter if it was Jamie or any other man (or woman), I thought her actions were disrespectful to her partner. It's one thing if you're an actor and you slobber on somebody because it's in the script. But all she had to do was show up and accept an award, not offer up soft-core porn for YouTube posterity. Also, it seemed a little desperate to me. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Halle</span> doesn't have go for the gusto with Jamie <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Foxx</span> to prove that, at age 42, she deserves a hotness award; she does it by simply </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">breathing</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Maybe it was a publicity stunt. Maybe she's always had a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">jones</span> for Jamie and seized (no pun intended) the opportunity. Maybe her man made her mad before she left the house, and she decided to get back at him in a very public way. We'll never know.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Just as we can have many reactions to what she did, we can think of just as many explanations for her actions. One thing's for sure: if <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Halle</span> Berry wanted to be in the spotlight, she got her wish. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-19654495554923146922009-05-28T07:44:00.000-04:002009-05-28T07:51:58.637-04:00No thanks to the last wordWhen it comes to relationships -- with spouses and significant others, siblings and in-laws, friends and colleagues -- the best lesson I've learned is this:<br /><br />No matter how good it makes you feel at that moment, having the last word during a disagreement rarely is worth it.<br /><br />In fact, I can't think of a situation in which having the last word did me much good in terms of relationship-building.<br /><br />With a spouse or a significant other, it just makes you look overcritical (or nagging). With a friend, you come off as petty and possibly non-supportive. With colleagues or your boss, you just might be lecturing a little too much (or challenging in a not-so-constructive way). And with an in-law? Just choose any words you utter very carefully, and then let the issue lie. Quickly.<br /><br />But that's just my experience. What's the best relationship lesson you've learned and why?Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-31967430040014849292009-05-25T07:51:00.005-04:002009-05-25T08:14:23.779-04:00Sticker shockThis Memorial Day, I have to share a sad commentary on how clueless and callous some people can be.<br /><br />I was in traffic, sitting at a red light, when noticed the car a little ahead of me in the next lane. It had a big sticker on the trunk in the shape of a yellow ribbon, the kind people have to show they support the troops. I saw this sticker had words on it, and inched forward so I could read it. Someone's name? I wondered. A military battalion?<br /><br />My jaw dropped. <span style="font-style: italic;">Support Pimpin</span>, the sticker said.<br /><br />When the light changed, I sped up so I could see the driver of the car. He was young, attractive guy who looked to between 18 and 22.<br /><br />I'm probably turning into a grumpy, middle-aged lady, but that sticker, and that guy, disgusted me. What got me the most was that he didn't even realize the message he was ultimately sending. He probably thought he was cool as hell with that sticker. Nevermind that it was an affront to people who use those stickers to show their support for the military, or breast cancer survivors or other important causes. Nevermind that he's either glorifying a practice where a man makes a living by brutalizing women and forcing them to sell their bodies, or he's abusing women by sleeping around with many of them and living off their largesse.<br /><br />That's not cute.<br /><br />That's not sexy.<br /><br />And that's definitely not cool.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com106tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-37873872038470580792009-05-20T08:00:00.004-04:002009-05-20T08:45:59.207-04:00Becoming a joiner, for the kidsAs I sit here on a brisk morning, my kids watching "Barbie: Diamond Castle" and eating a second breakfast of pretzel sticks because they can't yet play outside, I contemplate what I have become because of them.<br /><br />Today, I am A Joiner.<br /><br />Before kids, I was happy to have a small, family-like circle of friends -- we relied on each other, we entertained each other, we needed little else.<br /><br />But now, with two pairs of inquisitive eyes watching my every move -- and two little minds mimicking most of it -- I feel the need to be a better role model when it comes to socializing.<br /><br />When I was a kid, I was timid around most everyone but my family. Extracurricular activities were excruciating. It took me an entire play date (though, of course, they weren't called that then) to warm up. I was reserved (shy?) well into adulthood.<br /><br />I'm determined to help my kids get past that awkwardness much earlier in life, because I can see they both thrive on interaction with others ... even when mom doesn't.<br /><br />So I have Joined -- a group of women who meet weekly to discuss the challenges of parenthood. I have Networked -- coffee, lunch, dinner, you name it. I have Signed Up -- classes, lectures, performances.<br /><br />I have met some wonderful people -- even if I've fretted in preparation for most every meeting.<br /><br />And my kids are learning that home is safe. Home is where the heart is. But maximum fun can be found when you venture beyond these four walls.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-22482943299873047722009-05-18T08:00:00.008-04:002009-05-18T08:15:22.649-04:00Elizabeth Edwards -- whose story is it?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/ShFRTZTvsCI/AAAAAAAAAN8/GJwm9Q_GiRA/s1600-h/0518elizabethedwards.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 198px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/ShFRTZTvsCI/AAAAAAAAAN8/GJwm9Q_GiRA/s320/0518elizabethedwards.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337136427063816226" border="0" /></a>Why, the critics of Elizabeth Edwards ask, would she write about her husband's infidelity in her new memoir, "Resilience"? Why would she discuss it with Oprah Winfrey on national television?<br /><br />They scold her: Hasn't John Edwards put you through enough? Do you have to put yourself through the wringer?<br /><br />"People feel they have license to tell me how I should have reacted and responded," Edwards <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.newsobserver.com/news/story/1530675.html">told The (Raleigh) News & Observer</a> on Saturday when she held a book-signing at a local bookstore. "This story I'm telling is my own and no one <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">else's</span>, and no one can decide how I should tell it."<br /><br />So let's try these possible explanations for her very public disclosures:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">She needed catharsis.</span> Months of rumors and denials and admissions have caused her immeasurable stress, emotional and physical. Telling her story could lift that from her shoulders.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">She needed confession. </span>The chance to describe how she felt and what she thought would, she hoped, put an end to some of the questions about how she has handled her relationship with her husband going forward.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">She needed to move on, </span>because she has incurable cancer and feeling rancor about John Edwards' affair with a campaign staffer would not allow her to enjoy every moment she has left of her life.<br /><br />The story of John Edwards' affair was told -- and continues to be told -- in the most public of arenas in the most repetitive fashion (none of them particularly sensitive to his wife and their children). Elizabeth Edwards is correct -- it is her story to tell. Why shouldn't she have her chance, on her terms?<br /><br />After all, she (tragically) will not have to live long with the sadness and hurt her husband's affair has caused her, her children, her family.<br /><br />Only her husband will have the chance to heal that.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-30414958481494820112009-05-13T13:31:00.004-04:002009-05-13T13:45:44.563-04:00Husband Hunting Bra? This is just wrong.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/Sgqtg8CC4rI/AAAAAAAAANk/WWRYEXucxbQ/s1600-h/87126779JK007_TRIUMPH_LAUNC.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Wuq6wG2cuLg/Sgqtg8CC4rI/AAAAAAAAANk/WWRYEXucxbQ/s400/87126779JK007_TRIUMPH_LAUNC.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5335267489955898034" border="0" /></a><br />C'mon now. This wouldn't even work as a gag gift.<br /><br />New from the Japanese company Triumph comes "support" for "the women who <span style="font-style: italic;">don't</span> have everything: the 'Husband-Hunting Bra.' " Yep, it's a brassiere with a nuptial timepiece (above) that the wearer sets herself.<br /><br />"First you decide your target time or deadline till marriage and the countdown clock will start. Once you find your life partner and get engaged, you have to insert the engagement ring into the slot and the clock stops and 'The Wedding March' begins," Keiko Masuda of Triumph told Reuters.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Sigh.</span><br /><br />Like other countries, Japan's marriage rate is falling and the average wedding age -- now 28 -- is rising. Fifty-seven percent of women under age 34 are single, and Masuda said they've become more aggressive in their quest to find a mate. "The roles have switched completeley," he said.<br /><br />And how is this bra supposed to help? As if the pressure to get to the alter wasn't enough, some chicks now need foundation garments to remind them their biological clocks are ticking? Ugh.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-10049034888864021642009-05-12T12:36:00.003-04:002009-05-12T12:45:46.823-04:00N.C. city made a booty call listThe Web site OnlineBootyCall.com, has released its top 10 cities for booty calls, aka "sex with no strings that always seems to have 'em anyway." The site is for people looking to "connect with like-minded singles for casually dating." (Uh, is this like the scandalous personals on Craigslist where people keep getting arrested for solicitation?)<br /><br />I tried to look at the site here at work and the Observer's filter sent me to the FBI homepage -- that's what we get when a site is too naughty for the workplace. A bad (or good, considering how you look at it) sign. Here's the site's top 10 cities for April:<br /><br />1. New York City<br />2. Los Angeles<br />3. Chicago<br />4. Houston<br />5. Atlanta<br />6. Philadelphia<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7. Jacksonville, N.C.</span><br />8. San Diego<br />9. Columbus, Ohio<br />10. Dallas<br /><br />My guess? Jacksonville made it because Camp Lejeune is within spitting distance. Lots of young guys rarin' to do what young guys do, and the ladies luuuuuv a man in uniform.<br /><br />I have fond memories of Jacksonville. I used to live in Wilmington, and when a girlfriend came for a weekend visit we drove up to party with the Marines. She hooked up with a Marine who became her husband. A weekend of hot hotel sex led to marriage. They're still together. Go figure.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-24763197691534470042009-05-06T09:00:00.001-04:002009-05-06T09:00:01.242-04:00It's OK to say Happy Birthday to MeFor many years, a friend of mine did the most delightful thing: She planned a week's worth of events to celebrate her birthday every year and dubbed the whole thing her "Fest" as in, [YOUR NAME HERE]fest.<br /><br />She didn't depend on anyone else to remember her birthday amid busy schedules, and she gave her friends a reason to do something fun every night of the week -- at least part of the time on her tab.<br /><br />I loved it. I have a hard time keeping track of my birthday and remembering my husband's birthday, let alone the birthdays of friends. So she helped me make sure I lived it up every year on her behalf.<br /><br />Problem was, some other people didn't appreciate her celebration of self. They saw it as taking the attention away from others who had birthdays in the same month. They discouraged her from engaging in her fest.<br /><br />She was confused -- for years, her friends had looked forward to her weeklong party. But she toned it down, so as not to cause more controversy. Then she stopped altogether.<br /><br />And I still think, how sad. Can't we throw a little party for ourselves without incurring criticism?Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-12247995283394803432009-05-04T08:00:00.000-04:002009-05-04T08:00:01.942-04:00Colleague stuck in junior high?In writing this post, I have to confess a guilty pleasure. I might be addicted to watching "Celebrity Apprentice" with Donald Trump. (When I admitted this to a group of colleagues, the reaction was a solid groan, so I'm a bit sensitive.)<br /><br />The reason "Celebrity Apprentice" makes good fodder for We Can Relate can be explained in two words: Melissa Rivers. She, with the help of mom Joan, has made the show's "workplace" -- and I use that term loosely -- a veritable junior high school cafeteria. (Melissa has even described it that way, though she blamed the other players, of course.) <br /><br />Melissa always was miserable when she was on the job because she thought everyone was out to get her -- she complained they were talking about her behind her back, excluding her from projects, disregarding her ideas. So everyone else was miserable when she was around.<br /><br />Haven't you worked with someone like that before -- a colleague who made your job more work than it had to be?<br /><br />It made me think of N., an amazing reporter and passionate writer who spent most of the time at the office complaining about our boss and, well, everyone she came in contact with. They all interfered with her ability to create the best stories she could -- edited too much, asked too many questions, demanded she make deadline, and on and on.<br /><br />Truth was, N. was the one creating all the drama. But you couldn't tell her that. And you couldn't spend too much time entertaining her tales of woe, because then you couldn't get your own job done.<br /><br />So you had to cut her off as diplomatically as possible, or avoid getting tangled in her grip of drama -- again, as diplomatically as possible.<br /><br />But that would feed her claims of being persecuted, and you'd get caught up in a round of questioning about whether you were mad at her and what she had done to make you treat her so coldly.<br /><br />N. still works at the same place, but the cast of characters has changed dramatically. So has her behavior and her attitude, from what I can gather. She's happy and productive.<br /><br />Good thing her boss wasn't Donald Trump. He showed Melissa Rivers the door for such behavior.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-88478220696402546452009-04-22T07:10:00.000-04:002009-04-22T07:16:37.046-04:00Do you measure up to love?Want a little reality check on how you perform your relationship? Try this humbling little exercise.<br /><br />Take this wedding-ceremony passage and replace the word "Love" with your name. (It's 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.) And though the words often are spoken during wedding ceremonies, the exercise can shed light on any relationship.<br /><br />Let me show you:<br /><br />[Alicia] is patient. [Alicia] is kind. [Alicia] does not envy, [Alicia] does not boast, [Alicia] is not proud. [Alicia] is not rude, [Alicia] is not self-seeking, [Alicia] is not easily angered, [Alicia] keeps no record of wrongs. [Alicia] does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [Alicia] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.<br /><br />When I first did this exercise (thanks to writer Jill Rigby for suggesting it), I became more and more disheartened every time I inserted my name for "Love."<br /><br />Patient? Sometimes. Ditto for kind. Easily angered? Far more often than I'd like to admit, and the same goes for "shows no record of wrongs." But I sure try hard on protecting, trusting, hoping and persevering -- to the point of annoyance to some of my friends and family.<br /><br />After doing the exercise, do I feel like an adequate partner in any relationship? Not so much.<br /><br />But I do have a good starting place for improvement.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-14956367145954459362009-04-20T07:39:00.002-04:002009-04-20T07:46:07.333-04:00Sick, tired and strugglingWith flu season winding down, and seasonal allergies just starting to muck things up, I have begun to contemplate the implications of "in sickness and in health."<br /><br />And, with a husband knocked down by flu and/or food poisoning, a daughter wrestling with a head cold that defines "snot-nosed kid," and a son whose allergy-related coughs lead to gagging that results in heaves, I'm not sure I'm cut out for the "in sickness" part of marriage and family at the moment.<br /><br />It could be because I'm a leave-me-alone-until-I'm-better kind of sick person, and no one else in my family is. Maybe it's that I still haven't caught up on my sleep after spending spring break week wedged in a double bed between two <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bunkmates</span> younger than 5. (Heel to the neck at midnight, anyone?) Whatever the reason, I've found myself breathing deeply and counting to 10 quite a bit before responding to my sick family's requests (whines) and needs (demands).<br /><br />The pitiful countdown:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">10. </span>Please, please, please don't say "Mommy" again for 15 minutes.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">9.</span> That goes for "Mama" and the two-syllable "Mom," too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">8.</span> Oh, that my husband would miraculously rise from his sick bed well -- and ready to engage in tag-team parenting again.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">7.</span> Please.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">6. </span>Who needs a stair-stepper? I have a two-story house and three reasons to trudge up and down all day long.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5.</span> Only eight (Or 10. Or 12.) hours till bedtime.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4.</span> This, too, shall pass.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> This, too, shall pass.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. </span>This, too, shall pass.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> Eyes closed. Deep breath in. Eyes open. Deep breath out.<br /><br />I vow to get through spring sickness. If only I could guarantee no one in my family will get a summer cold.Alicia Robertshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17622210420563183627noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-34045514203566590422009-04-16T16:06:00.004-04:002009-04-16T16:21:43.939-04:00This dilemma is a sign of the timesDouble wallop: The boyfriend of a good friend of mine lost his job, then she lost hers. Both are now searching near and far for work.<br /><br />He's got a strong lead in another state, but it's a government gig, so the process is moving slow. She's looking for jobs in that same city, but elsewhere as well.<br /><br />Here's the rub: My friend and her man have only known each other for nine months. They agree that they want to make a go of the relationship, but the job thing could hamper their efforts.<br /><br />I recently had dinner with her and another friend, and we discussed the situation. My other girlfriend was all about her hitching her wagon to the boyfriend. Where he goes, she should go too, whether she has a job or not, because they're really digging each other. I was in the camp of driving her wagon next to his, but not hitching hers <span style="font-style: italic;">to</span> his. Maybe it's because I've been independent for so long, but I think she should be putting herself first right now. The best outcome would be if they found jobs in the same area. But if right gig for her came along someplace else and he was unwilling to move to be with her, so be it. Long-distance romance until the economy improves.<br /><br />I used to believe in love at first sight, and "when you meet The One, you'll know right away" and all that, but time has made me feel differently. I'm still a romantic, but I also think that people -- subconsciously or not -- are on their best behavior the first 18 months or so of a relationship. They're still trying to impress each other and may be more willing to make compromises and sacrifices. But with time, some couples wind up wondering what they saw in each other in the first place.<br /><br />I've seen too many women wind up in bad situations because they tied their entire lives to their man. I've seen too many men in unhappy relationships because they feel a sense of obligation and believe they "have" to stay. Give your heart to someone ... but don't forget to take care of yourself.<br /><br />What say you, readers? Do you think my friend should go with her boyfriend even if she doesn't have a job? Or should she be all about finding the best job and situation for herself, even if it means they might not be together?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-2370095193406600882009-04-15T09:08:00.008-04:002009-04-15T10:10:42.968-04:00Men, would you rather play games or have sex?If you've ever felt you had to compete with your man's Wii for attention, take this as ammunition: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"> </span>A recent study shows that one in three men would rather play video games than have sex with their partner. The study, reported in the U.K. newspaper The Sun, was conducted by the site PS3pricecompare.co.uk and surveyed 1,130 British men. (How surprising: A study sponsored by a video game site says men prefer video games.)<br /><br />According to Genie James, executive director of the Natural Hormone Institute, hormonal imbalance and stress may be to blame. "It is very likely that these men are suffering from a hormone imbalance at a cellular level that causes them to lose interest in sex," says James.<br /><br />For example, when testosterone levels begin to decline in a man's 30s and 40s, libido -- or sex drive -- is compromised. Symptoms include fatigue, lethargy and weight gain. "That is why many men come home, plop down on the sofa and pick up the remote or engage in video games. They just don’t feel up to doing much else," James says.<br /><br />Don't think you're safe, twentysomethings. "Typically, young men in their teens and 20s are sexually rambunctious but -- in the last several decades -- young men living in industrialized nations like America have shown reduced sperm count and quantity of ejaculate. Both of these evidence an early decline in testosterone levels," she says. Scientists attribute this trend to the high levels of foreign hormones, called xenohormones, that are found in many foods, including meat and milk, as well as in common inhalants such as fumicides and pesticides.<br /><br />So, what's a guy to do? You may not want to hear this, but the most important thing is to exercise. "Exercise naturally boosts lagging testosterone levels," says James. "Also, clean up your diet. Go organic when possible to decrease exposure to xenohormones. Give up the nachos and beer while sitting on the sofa. Remember that all those pounds packed around your middle are literally decreasing your 'manliness.' "Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32667793.post-45192889440901822482009-04-06T14:14:00.002-04:002009-04-06T14:24:26.132-04:005 ways to help recession-proof your relationshipI get stuff sent to me all the time, but with the recession taking an emotional toll on marriages and relationships, I thought I'd pass on this advice from Noelle Nelson, author of "Your Man is Wonderful."<br /><br /> "We've seen the result in violent family tragedies across the country," says Nelson, "but that's just the tip of the iceberg. The heartbreak comes in many forms. One spouse blames the other spouse for their financial predicament. It's a constant blame game. ... People lose hope and leave the marriage either emotionally or physically."<br /><br /> Nelson's five rules to recession-proof your relationship:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. See yourself as a team. </span>The power of “together” is tremendous. A couple who sees themselves as a team will pool their talents and resources to mutual advantage, give strength to one another, and sustain hope.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. Focus on each other's strengths and qualities. </span>This is not the time to dwell on your own or your partner’s weaknesses. On the contrary, this is the time to empower each other by taking inventory of your strengths and qualities.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Express appreciation to one another -- resist the temptation to put down or criticize.</span> Insecurity is rampant, not just in our external lives, but also internally. In times of crisis, we doubt our abilities, we question whether we have what it takes to pull through, we worry about how much worse things can get. Criticizing or putting down your partner just intensifies those fears, not only in them, but in yourself. Instead, let your partner know how much you appreciate them just as they are, and reassure them of your love. Express your gratitude often -- for however they contribute to the betterment of your lives -- whether it is helping out with the kids, putting in overtime, or sending out yet another resume.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. Set goals you can work on together -- focus on problem-solving, not blaming. </span> The only way there is light at the end of the tunnel is if you see it there. Brainstorm together to figure out what goals you seek, break those down into smaller goals and rough out a plan for getting there. Keep your sights constantly on “How do we resolve this?” not “You’ll never be able to do that.” Keep that precious “we” front and center, respect your partner's ideas and input as much as you do your own.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. Acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way.</span> The more crisis enters your life, the more difficult it is to sustain positivity and pro-activity. That’s why it’s so important to acknowledge and celebrate every small gain you achieve. Whether it’s figuring out a swap with the neighbor -- after school child care in return for computer lessons -- or making it through the next round of layoffs without losing your job, enthusiastically cheer every bit of progress.<br /><br /> "The economic crisis is not going to change overnight," says Nelson. "In an age of instant gratification, it's sometimes hard to be patient and remain strong and committed within a marriage during trying times. In the end, however, these ordeals can make a marriage stronger as partners truly commit to each other."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2