Alisha: Relationships are all about give and take -- on many different levels. Here's an example: You've got two girls (or two guys) to decide on whether to start dating exclusively. One chick ranks as a 9.5 on a scale of 1 to 10 (attractive, has great character, sound judgment, is honest, has the same values as you, etc.) -- except you're not sexually compatible whatsoever.
The other ranks as a 1.5 (not good looking, has character flaws, poor judgment, different values from yours, is untrustworthy, etc.), but it's the best sex you've ever had.
Who do you pick and why?
Deirdre: My gut reaction? Don't date either of them exclusively. That way, you can search for someone who's compatible to you on all levels.
Alisha: C'mon, that's no fun. You have to choose one or the other here; so who is it?
Deirdre: Sigh. I gotta be honest. I'm feelin' frisky, so I would love to choose the guy who'd give me the best sex I ever had. Just for, like, two weeks, tho! And I'd make sure he got tested for STDs and AIDS, and I'd hide all my valuables. Heck, I wouldn't let him come to my house at all. After the two weeks, I'd get back to the search for the more compatible man I was talking about. And I'd be in a great mood.
Alisha: This is a tough decision -- one I'd have to view in two ways. If I'm looking to settle down and find a mate to have kids with, then I'd go for the 9.5 and the bad sex, but if I'm wanting to date around, it would be difficult to pass up the mind-blowing love-making. Hint: Just turn off the lights since the 1.5 might not be too pretty on the eyes.
Deirdre: I agree on going with the 9.5 for the long haul. If you love someone and the two of you are committed to making the relationship work, I believe there is no bad sex -- only sex that needs improvement. So if a person has every quality you want but the sex isn't up to par, you shouldn't let that keep you from pursuing something serious. There's so much more to a relationship than sex.
Alisha: To play devil's advocate, I'm sure there have been quite a few marriages that have ended because the sex was a complete mismatch. Intimacy and affection are keys to happiness.
Deirdre: Of course! I would add to my earlier statement that there has to be communication. People can't assume sex difficulties (or money issues, or family problems) will eventually just "work themselves out."
Alisha: I have to agree with a friend's response when I posed this hypothetical situation to her: "Bottom line: Incredible sex isn't worth dating a boring troll."
Deirdre: Well, dang, when you put it like that, I'd have to agree! But I wasn't really talking about dating the troll, per se ...
Friday, July 20, 2007
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4 comments:
I've been in a relationship with a great guy who, much to my infinite sadness, was terrible in bed. Bad sex is bad sex. It can't improve that much. A crying shame, too.
If the guy looks and acts like a critter and is ugly, it stands to reason that neither of you would have ever given him the FIRST chance in bed--so you'd never know it's the best sex. Based on what you've written before, both of you would've passed right by this man who by all accounts is a loser. So the choice doesn't seem realistic.
I believe that good sex is something that can be learned, particularly if the deficient partner is willing to learn. That's the key.
The quandry posed here really isn't much of a quandry. I know that folks out there enjoy casual sex, but really, would you give it up to someone you thought were unattractive? Likewise, would you be inclined to foresake a relationship with someone who's really physically hot, but just needs a little seasoning in the bed?
the bottom line is this:
girls (not women, theres a difference) want a hot guy who treats them like crap for hot sex, not the real man that can love her. guys (not men, there's a difference) want some cheap slut with bigs boobs that will spread her legs for anything with a pulse, not a real woman that has respect for herself and the man she loves.
people are superficial and stupid when it comes to their version of "love"
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