Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Couples sleeping in separate beds

Deirdre: I saw an interesting comment on your last post. The reader said he and his wife have separate beds because of their different sleep schedules and preferences.
Alisha: A 2005 National Sleep Foundation survey found 23 percent of couples sleep in separate beds, bedrooms, or with someone on the couch, so I'm not surprised. Are you?
Deirdre: Actually, yes. But I think what surprises me is 23 percent admit it. (Enlightening story about the topic here.) We've been well-conditioned in the U.S. to believe a happy relationship includes couples sleeping together, all snuggled up.
Alisha: Yeah, I think people want to believe the Lucille and Desi days are far behind us when they're really not. And why wouldn't you admit it? If your relationship is secure, and it's just a matter of one partner who snores too loudly or wants TV noise when you want dead silence, then why not fess up to the truth?
Deirdre: Because of what it might signify -- if you sleep in separate beds, something must be "wrong." It's more acceptable now, but I still think it takes courage to admit to each other that one or both of you isn't getting quality sleep and that something has to be done.
Alisha: Not sure I'd go too many weeks, heck days for that matter, getting little or no sleep and not speak up about it.
Deirdre: Oh, I don't know. Sleeping with my last boyfriend was a challenge for both of us (he snored; I was always cold and he was always hot), but we still did it ... and often slept fitfully. Makes me wonder if it might've played a part in our breakup. With your conflicting schedules, how do you and your husband handle sleeping?
Alisha: We sleep together, but we also have a king-sized bed. If we had anything smaller, I'm tellin' ya -- we'd have to look into separate beds. If you're miserable and tired, then that will surely affect the sex life.
Deirdre: More than separate beds would, I'm sure! Honestly, I think sleeping separately could be good for a lagging sex life. When the person who used to sleep next to you is gone, I think you'd become more sensitive to their touch. Plus, if you're getting more sleep you might have more energy for foolin' around.
Alisha: You can't go wrong with a more energetic sex life as a bona fide benefit to two beds.
Deirdre: Ever notice how no matter what we're talking about, we usually wind up talking about sex? But I've gotta defend it. Physical intimacy is an important part of committed relationships. Get your rest so you'll be at your best!


Anonymous said...

My husband and I sleep in seperate beds because he snoors and he is a very warm natured person. When we sleep together, I either get no sleep or end up moving in the night to another bed.

Anonymous said...

Best of both worlds: I sleep on the sofa when she snores too much, but get back into bed with her about half an hour before the alarm goes off (she never notices I'm gone). That way, we still have a good snuggle between the first alarm and the snooze alarm.

Anonymous said...

My wife and I sleep in separate bes but only because she is a cold b!tch!

Jenifer - Young, Gifted & Black said...

I'd love to sleep in a seperate bed! My husband is always hot and he always snores!

Anonymous said...

The last time I found myself having to put a lot of effort into sleeping with someone who was not easy to sleep with (whew), that person took away any motivation I had to continue sharing a bed for the sake of "us" by rudely, selfishly and totally unexpectedly firing off a major stink bomb during the afterglow. You only get to do that once, IMO.

I apologize for mentioning something so crude, but post-coital flatulence cannot be ignored. It's not just snoring and kicking, etc. that drives couples apart.

Don't be a mean-o, try Beano.

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