Monday, December 17, 2007

Let's talk about double dating defines double dating as "a date on which two couples go together."

To me, that definition feels so 1957, when there were dating parlors and more rigid rules of courtship, but the parameters for 2007 seem to be completely different. For example, we don't date with other couples -- we call it hanging out with them.

In an effort to gain more insight into what other folks think about the concept, I asked six co-workers to describe their thoughts on double dating in today's society.
Here they are, in no particular order:

• "Double dating means it's a date with four people where at least one person is not well acquainted with the others ... I've never had a double date in my life." -- Male, 24

• "I just think we've transitioned from the term 'double dating' to 'hanging out' because a) that can include friends who aren't coupled up and b) 'double date' sounds more official and implies more planning than probably what went into it in the first place." -- Female, 25

• "Is it old-fashioned? Yes, but after you're married, it's hard to have a legitimate social life without some form of double-dating ... A lot depends on how outgoing a couple is. If a married couple is naturally outgoing, it actually energizes them to go out with other couples. Introverted couples may have the opposite mindset." -- Male, 32

• "Not into it. I like one-on-ones, myself." -- Male, 36

• "Double dating is for insecure people. If a couple can't carry a conversation by themselves, then they probably shouldn't be together. If someone introduced them, then doubling on the first date might be OK to break the ice. Anything after that is just being chicken or shows a lack of compatibility." -- Male, 47

• “I think dating has come to involve a ritual 'putting yourself out there' to see if you and the other person are a good fit. Maybe not for the first couple of dates, but after that, double dating would be good, to see how you as a couple react and respond to other folks … Dating has a different connotation for married folk. They are not being evaluated anymore. It's hard enough to put yourself out there for one person to judge; who wants three?” -- Female, 40


Anonymous said...

You say that "feels so 1957" as if old fashioned is such a bad thing but have you ever stopped to think that the way dating was done back then was actually a lot BETTER?

Think about it. We've gone from traditional dating to an "anything goes" type approach. And along with that we have more STD's than ever...and they are more serious now too. Also more pregnant teens, more children born out of wedlock, higher divorce rate, more date rapes than ever, etc. The list goes on and on. What's so great about the way people are dating now? I'll take the 1957 style over this mess any day.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I agree with anon@12:41. I prefer to go out on actual dates, arranged in advance, to just 'hanging out'. I've been on a couple of double dates, but that's as far as they went because there was no real chemistry between me and the girl in each case.

Anonymous said...

I'm inclined to disagree. Although I've done my share of double dating, the majority of it has been after I got married, not before. It's not that my wife and I don't run out of things to talk about, but we share certain things in common with other people. My wife and I are both huge football fans--we know another couple who also enjoy the game. It makes for some good fun between the four of us.

What I don't like about traditional dating, particularly when someone else is arranging the date and most especially if family is involved, is that there are too many parties already privy to your business. That's not comfortable to me. I came from a small town where I was kin to a lot of folks (which ruled out that part of the potential dating pool) and knew a lot of others who weren't kin (a lot of whom wound up meeting their mates elsewhere). With that many paths crossing, you can't help but know certain things.

That's why I was glad to move here--although I know a lot of people here and grew up close by, I could be myself and relax. It also helped that my wife isn't from here, either.