Concessions to manhood

My friend and her husband couldn't beat the prospects: Spontaneous sex without the hassle of birth control. No reaching for a condom. No taking a daily pill that caused less-than-sexy mood swings. (My friend has a health condition that makes life with her an amusing little roller coaster without the help of synthetic hormones, thank you very much.)

However, the dream required a little outpatient medical procedure. For her husband. And first, he had to clear the huge emotional hurdle that the specter of a vasectomy can create.

And she had to help him.

He approached the procedure as a challenge to his masculinity, his role as chief breadwinner and head of household.

The problem: She’s strong-willed and independent – and she doesn’t hesitate to tell you if she thinks you’re acting stupid. Which is what she called her husband when, leading up to his surgery, he started picking at her for not consulting him on every decision she made. (Roll your eyes here.)

So, to maintain peace in her family – and to ensure she’d never have to dial-a-pill again – she had to sublimate her living-out-loud personality for a while. She had to show her husband that she needed him, despite what the doctor snipped.

Which is where the story gets amusing.

Leading up to her husband’s appointment with the knife, my friend started inventing ways to make her man feel, well, manly.

She called to ask him how to open the garage door when the power was out – even though she knew full well how to pull the chain. She sought his advice on how to get their toddler daughter’s hair cut. She consulted him about the grocery list.

She succeeded. The arguing stopped. He got the snip.

And since I wasn’t on the receiving end of that procedure, I don’t know that I’m qualified to pass judgment on the lengths it took to get it done. But my friend and her husband should be home-free.

If she can convince him to schedule the follow-up appointment – to ensure it all worked.

Ad shocking ... in a good way

I was bored and flipping through the TV channels when I saw a commercial that made my jaw drop. It was for Trojan's Vibrating Touch, a fingertip massager that ... ahem, gives women pleasure.

It wasn't the massager that shocked me, but the fact that there was a commercial on television advertising it. Sure, it was almost 2 in the morning, but the ad was on AMC, no less! (I would think Bravo or FX, but there it was ...)

A tasteful commercial is a leap forward in taking some of the mystery and stigma away from sex toys. Trojan has done a nice job of mainstreaming sexual aids with its Elexa line for women, and this toy is a logical step. I think it's great that more women and couples can see, even if it's on late-night cable TV, that not only is it OK to be interested in sex toys, but you can have attractive and affordable ones of your own. And that no, it doesn't make you a perv!

Perfecting the art of cuddling

A little quibble that my husband and I seem to have ... OK, OK, it's more an issue I constantly bring up (happy, dear?), is the fact we don't cuddle when we're asleep.

We have a king-sized bed, and every morning I find myself on the Antarctica side of the bed while he's camped out in Greenland territory. I've always thought it romantic to wake up in the arms of my husband, but alas, it just never happens.

In my search to see if cuddling is an issue in most relationships, I dug up this comical YouTube video (above) on the "art" of cuddling.

Do most of you couples out there fall asleep and then wake up with arms and legs interlocked? Or, are my husband and I not alone when it comes to waking up facing opposing bedroom walls?

Snuggle up and practice kissing

Alisha: It's October and it's my favorite time of the year. One benefit of fall is cooler temperatures and that always makes me want to snuggle up to my husband and spend more time on the lost art of kissing.
Deirdre: Aw, man, do you have to rub it in? It been far too long since I've been kissed!
Alisha: That's a shame, because kissing is such a passionate endeavor. But, I do have to say, there are some guys who don't have a clue what they're doing. If I wanted my tonsils cleaned, I'd surely ask first.
Deirdre: I know, right? They don't even do that for you at the dentist's! But it's about more than technique. A friend of mine is dating a guy who's a great kisser, but she isn't turned on by him at all.
Alisha: That's a tough situation because anyone who really knows how to kiss well, they're a keeper. Some folks treat kissing as an appetizer to the main course, when they don't realize truly good kissing - when there's a connection - can be a full meal.
Deirdre: So true! When I was younger, I had some hot makeout sessions with guys in clubs ... and then we went our separate ways. Sometimes, great kisses really are enough to hold you over.
Alisha: Ahhh, the prelude to the kiss, you know, that time right before your lips touch and you feel each other's hot breath.
Deirdre: And maybe they tease you a little and your lips don't actually touch, but they're soooooo close ...
Alisha: I told a guy friend that kissing is a lost art. You want to know his response? "All women say that." I was taken aback. Surely women aren't the only ones interested in kissing?
Deirdre: Bet you 5 bucks your friend's woman would say his kissing skills need work. People who enjoy the sensuality of intimacy -- the touching, the holding, not just the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am -- know kissing is integral.
Alisha: That might be true, but I'd think it'd be difficult to tell someone he or she needs improvement if they're not willing to hone their skills. One thing I was thinking about: What about kissing when you get married. Is it appropriate to french kiss or should the happy couple just give a peck and move on?
Deirdre: I think whatever the couple is feeling in that moment is appropriate -- including french kisses -- as long as the new hubby doesn't make a boob grab or something. Save that for the honeymoon.
Alisha: It depends on the place of the wedding. Not sure I'd find it appropriate if a couple were french kissing in a formal and very religious wedding. Now, if y'all are in Vegas, let the tongue tussling commence!
Deirdre: Good point! But back to what you were saying about telling someone they need improvement -- isn't showing better than telling? Or were you thinking tell them if they just don't seem to get what your lips are saying?
Alisha: Everyone learns differently, so I'd think it depends on the person whether you need to keep kissing so they'll learn, or whether you should write out explicit directions. Maybe there's hope for born-again kissers out there?
Deirdre: Hey, there's always hope for those willing to learn. And practice is so much fun!