Is marriage a social life killer?

Once the wedding rings are permanently on the fingers, I hear a lot of couples say their social lives take a dramatic turn for the worst. The all-night drinking benders with groups of strangers at a party, the last-minute beach trips taken with just $100 in the checking account, and the crashing at a friend’s house after watching old movies – are no more, buddy.

So, why is that? Is getting married truly the death knell for an active social life?

I couldn't decide if there's a yes or no answer, but rather I think it depends on the couple. Here are four reasons I’ve come up with that could help answer the question: Does marriage change your social life? (Hey, can you tell I vote as a Moderate/Independent? I love options and I often see both sides.)

1. Motivations: When I was single, I enjoyed going to BAR Charlotte and Have a Nice Day Café every week because those were places where my single girlfriends and I could check out single guys. Now, I’m not interested in the meat market-type venues because I have a husband. Your goals for socializing with friends change because you’re no longer focusing your get-togethers around cruising for potential mates.
2. Money, kids and stress: These categories are all but self-explanatory and in most cases, are dependent upon each other. Of course you’re not gonna spend every night out if you have children, and for most couples that have multiple kids, the lack of disposable funds can be a deciding factor on whether you spend Friday night out on the town with friends or at home with the family.
3. Similar interests: If you and your spouse are lucky to have many of the same interests, then I’m betting you don’t see a big decline in your social habits. For example, if you’re both avid boaters, then you’re more likely to have a circle of people who enjoy boating, thus you’re spending more time among friends. Also, because of your shared interests, such as attending a book club meeting together, your quality time increases.
4. Couple friends: When you get married, it’s not that you socialize less, it’s just you tend to find more couple friends. So your choice of events reflect that because you want to find activities where the four or six of you can enjoy a good time (i.e., concerts, playing cards or bowling). Plus, in your single days you might have been more of a hermit when it came to socializing, but now that you've met Mrs. I Know Everyone In Town, you're spending more time attending functions and getting to know more people.

Expanding on the pre-marriage wish list

Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s definitely one of the most fulfilling and gratifying things I’ve done so far in my young life. You just can’t beat having your best friend there by your side through thick and thin.

But, there are a few pearls of wisdom I wish I had been privy to before getting hitched. I’m not sure these tidbits of information would have altered any of my actions or decisions, but it is fun to come up with a wish list, right? Hindsight, as they say, is 20-20.

So here’s my list of things I wish I had known before getting married:

· If you have a joint checking account, when your partner buys you a birthday gift, you’re actually buying your own gift. Sometimes it’s easier to cut out the middle man and just go buy what you want.

· Women and men recall the same events differently. “I swear honey, I don’t remember you saying that!”

· Splitting up holidays among family and friends is a chore – one you’re thankful for because you have them in your life, but a chore nonetheless.

· Make sure your home has two bathrooms, one for each of you. It's the smartest move you can make.

· There’s an expectation that you can read the other’s mind.

· Both sets of parents want grandchildren, and they want them now.

· The small things, such as him buying your favorite wine or her mowing the lawn, mean more when you’re married than when you’re just dating.

· You can fall in love all over again, on numerous occasions.

Hey man, it happened for a reason

I'm a firm believer in the old adage: "Everything happens for a reason."

Think about it. Often when you feel like nothing is going your way, something happens -- you find a wadded-up $20 in the laundry, you run into that cute crush in the grocery store, or you ace the exam you studied a mere 10 minutes for. Some might call it a stroke of luck or perhaps mere coincidence, but I believe all of these little signs happen for a reason.

The past couple of months have brought about more than enough reminders that with a little patience, even good things come around sooner or later.

Below are a few examples from my life. I'd love to hear yours because it's encouraging to know that through the tribulations of life, there's a piece of good that comes out of every downturn.

1. No job -- finding renewed confidence: My husband lost his job in late October 2006. Now, after much emotional as well as financial sacrifice, he has a job he really enjoys and one that has great promise for the future.

2. Exes be gone -- for good: A friend of mine reconnected with an ex recently. When he saw her for the first time in many months, he learned some valuable information that made him thankful he never took the relationship to the next level. Who needs a woman that doesn't truly love you for who you are, right?

3. Burning bridges -- never a good thing: Have you ever had a boss who never should have been made a manager? And you wanted to tell them off, but you didn't want it to follow you the rest of your life? I have. And I recently learned that old boss will cross my path again because our companies have merged. It's a good thing I bit my tongue and turned the other cheek.