'Tough Love' an easy sell

I don't often recommend "reality" dating shows (I mean, I watch Bret Michaels' "Rock of Love," but I wouldn't tell any you to tune in), but VH1 is really on to something with its new series "Tough Love." So much so, I've found myself recommending it to friends, and I suggest you guys watch it, too.

The thing that makes this show stand out is that, like the book "He's Just Not That Into You," the male reaction is front and center. No matter what these chicks do, there's always a segment where the host, real-life matchmaker Steve Ward, lets them see what the men they interacted with really think, so they can learn from it. Hence the title.

It's funny and painful and a great idea. And it makes for entertaining and informative TV.



In the "Tough Love" boot camp, Steve works with ladies who represent archetypes of single women (here's the "cast" with Steve and his mom JoAnn in the middle; the duo runs Master Matchmakers in Philadelphia). There's the gold-digger, who will only date men with money and has never held a real job. There's the chick who likes to take on men with problems, so she can "fix" them. There's the former stripper with serious intimacy issues. There's the 25-year-old who has already planned her wedding and tells men on the first date that she wants to get married and have her first kid by age 29. There's Miss Picky, who wears a tiara and a wedding ring (because she's committed to herself -- no kidding) and has a loooooooong list of requirements for her perfect man. There's Miss Ball-Breaker, an aggressive, braggart of a woman who enjoys intimidating men. There's Miss Lone Ranger, a 38-year-old who's focused on her career for so long, she hasn't made time for a man. And then there's the "Fatal Attraction" chick who becomes way too attached, way too fast when she meets a suitable mate.

Like I said earlier, the best part is that the women get to find out what men think of them. In the first episode, they each had to stroll past three guys, and the guys told Steve what they thought of each woman. The women later got to see what the men said. Steve's point? Women are being judged by men all the time, everywhere they go, based on how they look. Also in that episode the women went to a mixer and later saw see footage of how they interacted with men and what the men thought of them. (One poor girl didn't make an impression on any of them -- they couldn't even remember who she was. Ouch.)

While these women are extreme, it's easy to see some of ourselves in them. While we might not pick our nose on the first date as the ball-breaker did, we might talk about our accomplishments a little too much in an effort to impress. And while we might not have a "tiara test" like Miss Picky, most of us probably have a mental checklist we consult as we try to decide if we want to see someone again.

Whether you're married or single, dating or taking a break, "Tough Love" is worth watching -- even better in a group, so you can discuss. New episodes air Sunday nights at 10 and repeat during the week.

Hooked on 'Bachelorette'

I have to say, I'm a fan of "The Bachelorette" this season. Unlike the salaciousness of "A Shot at Love II" or the hot mess that is anything Flavor Flav is involved in, this show really seems to have the goal of a real relationship as its outcome. Well, as "real" as a relationship can be in six weeks with camera crews everywhere and 25 men competing for the attention of one woman.

What I like is the bachelorette, DeAnna Pappas, has decided she wants a husband-to-be at the end of this process, and she's let all the guys know it. The woman is 26 and she wants three kids by the time she's 30. She ain't playing around. I believe that people who want to be married and are ready to be married, will be married. Once you've decided, you try to find someone with the same life goals and you figure out if you can embrace the things you like about them and accept the things you don't. Because isn't that what marriage is all about? Love, yes, but also acceptance, understanding and compromise?

I think the most affecting episode happened this week, when DeAnna sent home Graham (pictured), the Raleigh native. Most people watching -- me included -- could sympathize with DeAnna's situation. She was attracted to Graham from the moment they met. She said he made her feel like a giddy schoolgirl. When she was with him, she couldn't keep her hands off him. She said she felt totally comfortable around him. And yet, not only did Graham have a problem with her dating other guys simultaneously (hasn't he ever seen the show?), he also didn't feel comfortable expressing his feelings. There were times it was obvious his mind was teeming with thoughts, but he wouldn't say a word. Total opposite of DeAnna. That standoffishness was probably part of his charm at first, but ultimately DeAnna got rid of him because she couldn't take the chance that he wasn't falling for her right back. (BTW, Graham has pretty much said he wasn't feelin' it, but if that's the case, speak up, dude! Just say you wanted TV exposure! She'd recover and move on!)

Yeah, DeAnna can be self-centered and irritating (alarm bells go off when she talks about the "perfect" life she could have with Jeremy ... or Jason), and yeah, the guys can come off as doofs, and yeah, situations are manufactured for TV. But it's still a fun show to watch, 'cause it's like Dating 101. You see how first impressions really can make or break you. Or if you're a nice person, but you have nothing in common with the one you're dating and there's no chemistry, it's not going anywhere ... and it really may be as simple as "she's just not that into you."

In this case, 'Age' does matter

Sigh. It looks like I've added another reality dating show to my summer TV viewing. But two is my limit, I swear!

It's NBC's "Age of Love," which premiered last night. You've got to admit, the premise is intriguing. Australian tennis pro Mark Philippoussis, 30, says he's ready to settle down and is looking for the right woman. (Which -- c'mon, he used to date Paris Hilton and his last girlfriend was 20. 20!) Imagine his surprise when seven lovely ladies introduce themselves to him, and their age range is 39 to 48. Then, just as he's getting used to the fact he'll be dating women who have kids near his age, seven more chicks are thrown in, all in their 20s. Who will he pick, a "cougar" or a "kitten"? Watch Mark's confusion! See the ladies' claws come out!

NBC calls "Age of Love" "the ultimate social experiment," which makes me laugh out loud, but I'm fascinated nonetheless. When Mark first took a seat among the older women, he looked terrified and intimidated. Dude was clearly out of his comfort zone. None of the women looked their age. All seven were beautiful, pictures of health and vitality with their glossy hair, sparkling eyes and trim figures. (The 48-year-old had a body many 18-year-olds would kill for.) They were all accomplished and confident and looking for someone to share their lives. Sure, there was some talk about the idea of older women dating younger men, but one chick summed it up perfectly: "If older men can do it, why can't I do it, too?" Amen, sister!

Since I'm 37, obviously I'm gonna lean toward the Forties (the older chicks) as opposed to the Twenties (the younger ones). But even the show's editing seems tilted their way. The Twenties are shown in their already trashed apartment, clad in bikinis and twirling hula hoops around their taut middles while the Forties are calmly reading and doing laundry and settled in with needlepoint. (The show is based in a snazzy high rise, where the Forties, Twenties and Mark have separate apartments.) While the Forties make comments such as "I can do anything a 20-year-old can do" and "let's celebrate our individual yumminess," the Twenties snark about "what's a synonym for old?" "why would anyone want someone with crow's feet and saggy boobs?" and how "desperate" the older women must be to come on the show. (Um, since the silicone-enhanced bottle blonde who said that is also on the show, what does that make her?)

I think most people would agree with the adage, "you're only as old as you feel." If Mark Philippoussis is willing to focus on the chemistry and compatibility he feels and not their ages, it'll be an interesting show indeed.

BTW: Mark had to eliminate an older woman last night, and he didn't get rid of the 48-year-old who has a son his age (as I expected), or the twice-divorced 40-year-old (my second choice). He sent home a 46-year-old who looks 36 because he was already feeling the kiss-of-death "friend" vibe.

This show is a good 'Match' for singles

I caught a couple episodes of an interesting show over the weekend. If you're dating, it wouldn't hurt to give it a look.

The show is A&E's "Confessions of a Matchmaker," (Saturday nights at 10) and it's about a professional matchmaker named Patti Novak (above) who lives and works in Buffalo, N.Y.

There are many things I love about this 30-minute show. For one, it's in Buffalo, not L.A. or New York City, where the people always seem larger than life on TV. Buffalo is just a regular ol' city -- albeit one with brutal winters, which is when this show was taped.

Another is Patti herself. She's a straight-talker who's not afraid to tell people what their biggest obstacles are to finding love. Her job is really more therapist than anything, because the problem is usually people's low self-esteem, and how it manifests itself in their dating lives. Patti's blunt. She cusses. She refuses to take crap from clients. She told one guy, a 41-year-old virgin, that he is "way gay." (And he totally is. You should've seen him flirting with the dude she set him up with ... after she'd sent him out with a sexy divorcee and nothing clicked.) She told another client -- a 22-year-old who looked 35 because of all her tanning -- that she was gonna look like a hag at 50 with that tanning and heavy makeup. And she told yet another client, who was 100 pounds overweight (he used food as a crutch after a bad breakup), that his table manners were disgusting. Watching him eat really did turn my stomach.

The reason I say singles could get something out of this is because you'll see plenty of examples of what not to do on dates. In two episodes these "don'ts" were reinforced:

-- Don't spill your entire relationship history on the first date.
-- Don't quiz your date about his/her sex drive the first time you meet them for dinner.
-- No checking your makeup at the table.
-- For chrissakes, don't chew with your mouth open.
-- No calling your best friend on your cell and having them come check out your date ... and then join you for shots.
-- Don't drink so many shots that you get sloshed.
-- Don't get bad hair extensions (OK, that wasn't an obvious one, but the tanning fanatic really had a jacked-up weave).

I think the big message Patti is trying to get across is that if you want love, sometimes -- OK, most of the time -- if you have a problem sustaining successful relationships, the problem is you. But the good news is once you're aware of that fact, you can fix it ... and end up with the perfect match.

'Bachelor': Who am I kidding?

OK, I just watched the finale of "The Bachelor" again. And I while my last post was from my head, I realized I should have responded from my gut.

I think I was trying to justify why I watch the show with all that talk of microcosms and relatable situations and such. While all that stuff may be true, c'mon. It's not really why I, or other people, watch.

We want to see cat fights and bad cocktail dress choices and bikini-clad romps in hot tubs and awkward make-out sessions. We want to try to guess which of the chicks will put out (or won't, and get canned for it). We want to watch the trips home, and see the insides of other people's houses, how they dress, what they eat, if they drink liquor or not and if they have good manners.

I watched the "Bachelor" finale last night with five people, and we analyzed everything. We cursed the (brilliant) editing because from commercial break to commercial break, we bounced between "It's Bevin!" No, it's Tessa!" "No, dang, he's going with Bevin!" "No, it's gotta be Tessa!" I had a tension tummyache for most of the show and several of us threatened to cry. The final rose ceremony, where Andy had to send Bevin home, was so real and so awful, we could barely watch. She cried. He cried. She was so devastated she couldn't speak. We went silent with sympathy. When he picked Tessa, we squealed with glee. We sighed as they murmued "I love you!" to each other over and over, and he picked her up and swung her around.

It was an emotional roller coaster. And I loved it -- and I'll be watching the "After the Final Rose" show tonight.

You know what? At our cores, most of us are romantics. Even though logically we know better, we adore the "love at first sight, love conquers all, love between beautiful people that ends with gorgeous diamond engagement rings and happily ever after" fantasy. "The Bachelor" taps into that -- and I for one, eat it up with a big spoon.

There. I feel much better now.

This 'Bachelor's' love story one to savor

OMG -- did you guys see the "Bachelor" finale last night? Navy doc Andy chose social worker Tessa, then got down on one knee and proposed and she said yes. It was awesome.

I've always been fascinated by "The Bachelor," because it's a microcosm of the dating world. It's crazy concentrated -- the show is filmed over six weeks, and by the end, the bachelor has to narrow 25 chicks down to one -- and crazy edited (no lie, those folks should win Emmys), but it still has plenty to say about how we act in the different stages of romantic relationships. Watch and you might start questioning what you would do in such situations. How far are you willing to go to get -- and keep -- someone's attention? When you're pursuing a relationship, is it because you see it as a competition you want to win, or are you more concerned with if you two are compatible? How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to gain the affection of another? What if you really mean it when you say "it's not you, it's me"? How do you cope with rejection?

This particular bachelor, Andy Baldwin, might have been the best one yet, because he was so dang focused. Dude was in it to win it; he came in looking for a wife and left with a fiancee, so he's well on his way. (Many of the past Bachelors have said they were looking for love, but it was more like they were looking to get laid.)

And even though Andy seemed almost too good to be true -- smokin' hot doctor who wants to be an astronaut, lives in Hawaii, is goofy-fun, adorably geeky and loves kids -- throughout the series he was, for lack of a better word, remarkably real. He got nervous and tongue-tied. When he had to send women home he agonized over his decisions and was visibly upset when they left, often to the point of tears. Near the end, he told both Tessa and Bevin that he loved them .. and you believed him. (Yeah, it wasn't cool to tell a chick you're pretty sure you're gonna dump that you love her, but he seemed caught up in the moment ... and it was obvious he really did care about her.)

Tessa, the woman he chose, was also real. She had reservations about meeting the love of her life on a TV show, but she got to know Andy. By the end of the show she was in love and terrified of telling him, because she would allow herself to be vulnerable. And isn't that a recognizable struggle?

So, yeah, two people seem to have found love on reality TV. And I think viewers are rooting for them because we all love a good love story ... especially one with a happy ending.