Saturday, April 12, 2008

How to handle 'alone time'

Your partner says to you one early afternoon, “Look, I really need some ‘me’ time. Can you just leave me alone for awhile?”

Here’s the quandary: Should you be angry and hurt they don’t want to spend time with you, or should you respect their wishes because you know he or she needs space from time-to-time?

I’m quite sure this is a common scenario among many relationships – especially if both people live together and are often on the same schedule. As a couple, you’ve (hopefully) learned each other’s idiosyncrasies and can pick up on the mood swings, but it still can be a piercing blow to have your partner say to you, “get out of my face for awhile, ya hear?”

So, how do you handle the situation if you’re on the receiving end as your partner asks you to leave them alone? Do you just accept it and walk away? Do you pout or give them a guilt trip? Or do you stand your ground and tell your partner you’re not going anywhere?

And, if you’re on the giving end of trying to communicate that you just need some space for a couple hours, then how do you go about it? Do you send your partner an e-mail during the day, warning them you’re in a bad mood and you don’t want to be chatty when you get home? Or do you just leave for a couple hours?


Anonymous said...

Every couple needs some down time from each other. It's a healthy thing for a relationship, because among other things it allows each partner to do things on their own.

In fact, my wife and I have figured out how to build that time in every day. Typically, we eat dinner together, talk about the day at work, then we go do our own thing--working out, playing on the computer, whatever. For us, it works great.

Anonymous said...

I have been in relationships before, and am currently single and unattached. Bottom line: have a life of your own, and your own interests, separate from that of your partner, and you shouldn't have to hear too much from your partner about wanting "alone time," because you've already given it to them, while you lived your life. The two times a man ever told me he wanted "space," I knew he was talking more about taking a breather from the relationship altogether, not just wanting a day or two alone...there is a big difference. Time spent apart is good for a couple and make the time you spend together that much better.

Anonymous said...

Anyone that has a problem with a partner needing "alone time" is either terribly insecure or has co-dependency issues. Strong couples consist of strong individuals. Talk about it-- establish boundaries and expectations-- before someone even has the chance to feel smothered or abandoned.

Anonymous said...

My wife has some alone time just about every day while I'm at work and the kids are in school. She listens to CD's, goes to the mall or just sits on the patio. I take mine in seasons, I hunt deer and turkey. I ride my motorcycle when its warm, sometimes she rides with me. We each need our own time but really enjoy our time together.

Anonymous said...

Going to the gym, going to Barnes and Nobles and setting in the cafe there and reading a book, or browsing a magazine for an hour or so. "Honey, I'm going to the bookstore."Honey, I'm going to get a Starbucks, I'll be gone an hour or so, need anything while I'm gone?" This is not rocket science!

Anonymous said...

fresh batteries