Tuesday, June 03, 2008

MANegories for the ladies

Ladies, are you still trying to figure out what kind of man you're after? Here's a handy list of the three basic MANegories for you to choose from. You're welcome:

SENSITIVE MALE
Appearance: Always a sharp dresser and doesn't wear anything that's been tested on animals. Has a closet full of pink button ups and dry-cleaned underwear.
Drink: Whatever she's having.
Food: Spoon feeding his date builds an appetite. A squash and zucchini medley should suffice.
Mood Music: Anything from the current "American Idol" winner.
Sex: Probably the best sex you'll ever have... if you can ignore the uncontrollable sobbing.

AVERAGE JOE
Appearance: On a rare occasion you might spot an Average Joe with his shirt tucked in.
Drink: Beer snobs. Will send a draft beer back if the glass isn't cold enough.
Food: Has never met a food combo he doesn't like. You could shove a full course meal in a blender and he'd drink it with a smile.
Mood Music: Plays it safe with the 80's "Monster Ballads" CD.
Sex: Solid performer but tends to have trouble focusing. Avoid watching "Lost" or anything with complicated plot twists before doin' the nasty.

MANLY MAN
Appearance: Are blue jeans acceptable at a wedding? They are if you're a Manly Man!
Food: Anything that might possibly fight back.
Drink: Domestic tall boys are the drink of choice. WARNING! It's possible he'll shotgun it and crush the can on YOUR forehead.
Mood Music: Assumes Metallica's "Kill 'em All" gets all the ladies hot.
Sex: Sometimes gets sex confused with working out his abs. Stretch beforehand just to be safe. No matter what happens expect that he'll tell all his friends how awesome he was... don't worry, he'll tell you how awesome he was, too.


There are of course many other sub MANegories such as the Sugar Daddy, Great White Rapper and the elusive Man Candy but at least now you have a starting point.

15 comments:

Clayj said...

On behalf of all of us geeks out here:

THE GEEK
Appearance: Blue jeans or slacks, some sort of polo shirt, often with a corporate logo on it because work gave them out. Optionally shorts if the workplace allows really casual wear. Sneakers if he can get away with it. Backpack if outdoors.
Food: Frozen dinners, ramen noodles, Pop Tarts, chips, any of the food found at Starbucks.
Drink: Mountain Dew. Coffee. Vitamin Water. More Mountain Dew.
Mood Music: Anything techno and/or German.
Sex: Yes, please.

Anonymous said...

clayj - many women love geeks.

"Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex."

- Revenge of the Nerds

Clayj said...

They may say they love geeks, and eventually maybe they even do love geeks. But I see an awful lot of them chasing "THE OUTLAW BIKER".

It's true what you say, though. Nerds and geeks are excellent in bed. :-)

Anonymous said...

A "regular guy" cares whether his beer mug is cold enough? Sometimes I don't recongnize this society. No way that is a normal person....

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm... I guess I don't fall into any chategory. And I'm straight.

And by your descriptions of men, I'm probably happy about that.

If an article was written about women this way, it would probably be called sexist.

Anonymous said...

"Hmmmmm... I guess I don't fall into any chategory. And I'm straight.

And by your descriptions of men, I'm probably happy about that.

If an article was written about women this way, it would probably be called sexist."

No, I would say you fall into the "sensitive" category.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, grow a sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

you forgot this category

The A$$hole:

The guy that every girl wants to date for some unexplicable reason, along the path of attempting to settle down with a non-a$$hole

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'll fess--my wife and I did get married in our jeans, and I definitely like meat. As to the rest, here's kinda where I fall.

Drink: Anything artificially sweetened (preferably with Splenda®) and with caffeine, but nothing stronger than a good cup of coffee.

Mood Music: Who needs music?

Sex: Not quite as often as when I first got married, but I still get my share.

Anonymous said...

I am not detecting any estrogen within these posts. Looks like a buncha dudes. Attaboy, Jase!

Anonymous said...

I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

THE BANKER
Appearance: suit when attending meetings, usually seen in blue shirt and khakis. Don't forget the man purse! (laptop bag)
Food: "grabs" lunch with work buddies, buys lunch every day to show he has mucho money and doesn't need to bring leftovers.
Drink: Starbucks 3x a day. Anything to impress the ladies at night.
Mood music: Money by Pink Floyd.
Sex: only if they can get a girl drunk at Alive After Five.

Summary: BORING!!!!! You guys all look alike! Please, get a personality and an original outfit!

Anonymous said...

I wear my Southern Man's uniform to work, khakis and golf shirt. After work I'm in short or jeans and a t-shirt most of the time. I wear camo when I hunt. I like to ride my motorcycle, shoot my guns/bow and fish. I drink mostly beer and pretty much anything will do as long as it below room temperature. I enjoy Jagermeister, rum, whisky, etc. I'm pretty laid back while I'm out but I enjoy the occaisional bar fight. I love red meat, nachos, hot wings, etc. As far as sex goes, I love it! I do like to please her and as long as she's into it I can go for hours, yep!

Where do I fit?

Anonymous said...

Southern Man...your MANegorie in this Southern Belle's opinion, the best one to be!!
You made me smile all over reading your post.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, ma'am!