Thursday, March 22, 2007

How honest should you be on a first date?

A dear family friend posed a question to me a few weeks back. Let’s set the scene so you can understand her inquiry:

A 58-year-old divorced woman is on the dating scene. She’s a gorgeous mother of two children, owns her own business and has quite the nest egg in the bank. An old friend of a friend hooks her up with a southern widower, age 61. They meet at a fine restaurant and share several glasses of white wine.

As most first dates go, the conversation is a volley of getting-to-know-you questions. She asks this former Baptist preacher what happened to his beloved wife of 30 years. He explains how she had cancer and he, with great love and little regret, took care of her for eight years before she died. Almost a decade he spent by her side, feeding and bathing this terminally ill woman, the apple of his eye.

The question and answer session then turns toward the woman. After hearing her date’s story, she is at a loss for words.

You see – this woman has cancer.

She isn’t sure of what to say or if she should be honest with him about her health. What man in his right mind would want to date a woman who could possibly end up just like his wife, she thinks.

That night, she elected to gloss over the fact she has cancer. She didn’t want to overwhelm him, and she hoped he would pursue a follow-up date. But, she is currently pondering with a heavy heart her blatant omission.

She didn’t want to scare him away. Can you blame her, though? Most folks would probably run – and why not? This is the first date and it’s the best time to do it, certainly not after 10 dates when you’ve already met the family and feelings are now deeply burned into everything you do.

So, to her question of how honest one should be on the first date – easy answer. No lies, no omissions and no twisting of truth. If someone doesn’t accept you for you, then you’re better off without that person.


Anonymous said...

The character of this woman and her struggle with this issue shows a tremendous amount about the wonderful person she must be. I would think that after a 2nd date, it might be appropriate to broach the subject with the gentleman. If he is understanding, then this might not be the end to a promising relationship. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

The reason half off all marridges in in divorce is that we put in to much time trying to fool the other person. Be yourself from the get go and you will be better off. The truth hurts, but bad news sells early best.

unicorn1824 said...

For s first date, talking about medical conditions is TMI. I think breaching the subject on the second date would be enough. Perhaps (hopefully) her cancer isn't terminal.