Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Everyone needs a 'friend sponsor'

Hello, my name is Alisha, and I’m a friend sponsor.

Perhaps you don’t know what the definition of a “friend sponsor” is? That’s OK. I’m sure most of you qualify, and you just aren’t plugged in – yet! It's similar to having an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor; you depend on someone to help you avoid tempting situations, or in this case, prevent you from returning to bad ex-significant others, especially just for sex (which could be another blog topic entirely).

Take five minutes to read the conversation below. It’s a quick test to see if you are a member of this elite club, and I promise it’s easier than filling out a 1040EZ form. When reading the conversation, if you can immediately see yourself in this situation, guess what, kiddo? You are a “friend sponsor.”

Begin test:

Your cell phone rings. It’s 11 on a Friday night. You hear heavy breathing on the line. You look again at your caller ID, and you know it’s your good buddy Thomas. You slowly answer with an inquisitive hello.

Thomas: I need your help.
You: What’s up? You OK? Please don’t tell me you’re in jail or you’re stuck in uptown Charlotte without a cab again?
Thomas: Nah, girl. That’s not it. She’s calling me again.
You: Oh. No. That’s not good.
Thomas: Yeah, and I’m thinking about going over to her place tonight. It’s been a long time and just maybe …
You (cutting him off): And just maybe this time she’ll use you for one thing and one thing only, then she’ll spit you out – AGAIN – and where does that leave you?
Thomas: I know … I know you’re right but the sex is so good with her. It’s just so tempting.
You: Look, there’s a reason why your relationship with her didn’t work out. You were miserable and you don’t deserve to go through that again just for one night of satisfaction, right? Riiiigghhht?
Thomas: Ahhhh! Yeah. I tend to forget about all those names she called me. It’s just so easy to remember how good she did that …
You (cutting him off, again): Ignore her text messages. Turn off your phone. Don’t think about her whatsoever.
Thomas: Thanks. That’s why I called. I knew you’d look out for me. You know what, you’re the coolest “friend sponsor” a guy could have. If you need me, I'll be out with the guys. See ya!

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and well, er, the sexually-charged.

8 comments:

you-gotta-be-kidding-me said...

There must be some chemical in printer's ink that, when inhaled in close quarters, makes you believe that any guy is ever going to call someone to talk him OUT of having sex.

Anonymous said...

If the chick is just crazy, then I can see it happenin

beentheredonethat said...

My guess is that the girl's not crazy. I bet "Thomas" put her through hell emotionally and financially.
And he's probably done same thing to several women, including the very lovely woman that he's currently dating.

Anonymous said...

I'm with the first poster: No guy is going to call a friend to get talked out of an easy lay. Puleeze. If it were a woman calling another woman, I'd buy it. But a "Thomas"? Hard to believe. Sounds like bragging to me.

Anonymous said...

My response, "why are you calling me, go get you some!". See guys don't call "friends" to get talked out of having sex. Maybe this guy wants the "friend". Who cares! I might call a friend to say "I just had sex with (Name) and she won't let me leave, you've got to help me get out of here!"

Anonymous said...

The only way I can imagine a man calling another man about a woman who wants him, would be if she wanted him back in a real relationship, not just sex. His friend won't talk him out of sleeping with her, but he would talk him out of committing to her. And to "beentheredonethat," why do you assume "Thomas" is the bad guy here? In this scenario, the woman is the one to be avoided, not the man.

Anonymous said...

Agree with above poster. Alisha, the dynamic between you and "Thomas" sounds a little more than friendly. Is he an ex? Or a hook-up?
"Thomas" sounds like he's a guy who needs tons of attention and loves drama. And there's some mommy issues.
And how does your husband feel about male friends calling you to talk about hooking up with people?
Maybe you should introduce him to Deirdre.

Anonymous said...

HA- who said that thomas dude had a girlfreind or that the chick is crazy? beenthere, sounds like a jiltted lover or some sh*t...and I agree with the first poster, ain't no dude gonna turn down free sex. don't matter how crazy that chick is.