Saturday, March 15, 2008

What's your relationship status?

Have you ever stopped to think about where you are in your relationship?

It's easy to spout off if you're single or married -- those are pretty cut and dry descriptors. If you were to break it down to below-the-surface labels, how would you describe your current situation?

What if you're single and you know deep down you don't wish to ever get married?
What if you're married, truly unhappy and wishing you weren't attached?
What if you're dating and you're the happiest you've ever been?

These are questions that don't arise when talking about relationships in everyday conversation with friends and family. Most people ask if you are single or not. You answer yes or no, but rarely go into more detail. Sometimes the answer is too personal, and other times it's just no one's business. Either way, I find it important to take time to reflect on where you are in your relationship status, if not for anyone else's benefit but for your own.

If you feel inclined to share, tell us where you're at right now. The key is to be truthful. For the sake of full disclosure, I would describe my own marriage as, "We're very happy, but we're a work in progress." There are always things we can do to grow together as a couple.

Here are some possible scenarios:

  • Married - It's all a bed of roses and I'm blissfully happy
  • Married - I'm happy, but we're a work in progress
  • Married - We're on the rocks, and it ain't pretty
  • Separated - It's time to start anew
  • Divorced - Marriage sucked and it's just not worth it
  • Divorced - I'm hopeful I can find a new soul mate
  • Dating - Life is a supermarket and I'm having fun shopping
  • Dating - I've got someone and we're taking it slow
  • Dating - I'm serious with this person, but he/she isn't the one
  • Single - I can't picture myself committed to another person
  • Single - I'm ready to find someone, like, 10 minutes ago

    unicorn1824 said...

    Of course, these classifications can change in a minute. Two weeks ago I'd have said "Dating & taking it slow" (while she was ready to spend nights at my place, I'd have to send her home to her daughter & mom) but she couldn't handle the way I got comfortable in her world and so I'm back to "single & ready to find someone".

    Clayj said...

    Me, for the last I don't know how many years: Single - I'm ready to find someone, like, 10 minutes ago

    chrlt37 said...

    Single - and don't think I could handle a committment.

    Anonymous said...

    Single and dating. Open to a relationship with a great person, but refusing to settle

    Anonymous said...

    Marriage, by definition, is a work in progress. I've been happily working on mine for eight years now, and look forward to doing more work in the yers to come.

    Anonymous said...

    Married,- Divorced, -Single,- Dating, not sure I'll ever go back to the Married category again! I believe I've made the full circle. I'm getting off the Carousel, going to take a deep breath and "exhale"!

    Anonymous said...

    Don't ever lie to your Husband. He will doubt anything that you say from that point on. My Wife has never lied to me. Not even about little things. This has fostered an amazing bond of trust and respect.

    Happy Husband

    chrlt37 said...

    Here's an admittedly dumb question, perhaps y'all can assist. I heard on the radio this a.m. (92.3 GSO) about a couple renewing their wedding vows and this one couple was appreciating their friends and family for helping them out for assisting with all of the "work" in their marriage. I'm REALLY confused and I've heard this term for years....what is the "work" involved in a marriage exactly? It's not designing and managing huge multidisciplinary projects, writing complex computer code and keeping in mind the integration & unit testing, staying up all night brokering complex financing deals with the Fed/JPMorgan, using jackhammers to break up pavement, wiring complex buildings, driving 18-wheelers cross-country, or being a janitor at the local prison (all of which would qualify to me as "hard work"). So what IS this "work" involved in marriage that everyone besides me seems to understand? Getting along with someone, merging your finances, deciding who will clean the dishes or watch the kids? Doesn't seem like all that much work to me. Sure seems easier than washing windows at the top of the Hearst building all day.

    Alisha Hord said...

    Hi there chrlt37 ...

    Would you mind if I used your question as the topic for a blog? It's a good one. I read aloud to my husband what you wrote and his response, "That guy sounds like a single male!" Not sure if you are, but you have raised an excellent question and a topic worthy of some discussion. Please respond here or email me at if I can quote some of your comment for a future blog? Thank you!

    Lambchop said...

    Married - It's mostly a bed of roses but is always a work in progress! Even roses need pruning, weeding and fertilizer.

    Anonymous said...

    Single and dating... (which gets old).. I'm ready to find someone but as others have said - I sure am not going to settle for less!

    Anonymous said...

    Single, very happy, and not wanting to be in another relationship. Maybe one day I will change my mind, when my kids are on their own.

    Kevin said...

    I am divorced after being married to someone I really believed was my soul mate for 24 years. She decided that I was not her soul mate. After a couple of tough years, I am single and enjoying the time to find myself. I have friends who are constantly trying to convince me that I need to date and date a lot. I am comfortable with who I am and I know in time I will meet some one that brightens my life. I am an honest, caring and sincere person.

    I am not interested in dating everyone and anyone. I am interested in enjoying life and my 4 boys...Life is a journey and you need to enjoy it....I spent too many years doing what I thought I was suppose to do, versus doing what I felt I needed to do...Right now I am focused on making myself and others happy. The right person will come along and I will know it when it happens....

    Anonymous said...

    Married - I'm happy, but we're a work in progress. Very good topic on what is "work" in a marriage, btw. I do not see marriage being any other way. If you are at least in a "healthy" marriage. Denial to negative surroundings can lead to bed of roses all the time, and on the rocks is obviously not good. I just love being married and having someone to share my moments and be there to share his.