Monday, May 19, 2008

Thanks, but no thanks, dude

The other day I was walking from the Observer building to my car. As I approached the corner, one of the paper's trucks was in front of me and the driver honked. When I looked up, he waved. I smiled and returned his gesture.

Why couldn't that have been the end of it?

After I walked behind the truck to continue toward my car, I heard a voice. The driver had gotten out of his truck and walked toward me. He asked my name; in an effort to be friendly to a co-worker, I told him. Then he asked if he could call me sometime.

Readers, I took the easy way out, because I was tired and wanted to go home. I told him I had a boyfriend. "What, he won't let you take calls?" the driver asked incredulously. Suddenly, my non-existent boyfriend was a jealous and controlling jerk. As I hesitated, the driver offered to give me his card, so I could call him. He pulled out his wallet, but surprise! He had no cards. (I can hear all of your eyes rolling.) He asked for my office number. I caved and gave it to him. He promised to call, and he may have. I haven't checked my messages. (On purpose?)

Why do we women do that? Give in when we know we're not interested, I mean. Because we don't like to be rude, perhaps, or because giving in is the path of least resistance. In my case, it was both, and I'm not proud of it. But, ladies, isn't this something we wrestle with all the time?

I'm reminded of a story a close friend told me. She'd been dating a woman, but she didn't want to pursue anything romantic. She asked the woman if they could be friends. This is the part I love: She said the woman looked her in the eye and said, "I've already got enough friends." And that was that.

Well, that's how I feel right now: I don't need any more friends. I can barely keep in touch with the ones I've got, and I don't have the energy it takes to make more. That guy is probably perfectly nice, but his timing sucks. Work is demanding and I have other priorities; my social life is waaaaaay down the list. So will I be returning that dude's call? What do you think?


Anonymous said...

Let me get this straight, you are writing a column on relationships, presumably on dating, and you say in your last paragraph that the social life is wwaaayyy down on your list of priorities? At least 'want' to date, something that could help your view on this blog.

Anonymous said...

I have a lot of friends, too. That column makes me happy you're not one of them.

Anonymous said...

Wow one week a story about why men don't make the first move. The next week is why they are making a move? What gives???

Anonymous said...

You should run for Mayor of crazyville.

Anonymous said...

You got issues for sure. Maybe it's time to come out of the closet.

Anonymous said...

Citing work as a top priority over friends and intimate relationships is fine if you like living alone and don't ever want to marry. But if you're looking to share your life with someone, there is such a thing as work/life balance. Is your work a job or is this a career for you? Working a lot is an easy excuse for avoiding relationships.

But as Joyce Meyers says, she has yet to hear one story from a workaholic on their death bed who said, "Man, I really wish I had spent LESS time with my [family/ wife/ husband/ friends]" If you had only 2 years to live, would you still put work so high on your list? Time for a soul check.

Anonymous said...

It's fine that you don't want to go out with the guy, but don't lie about it. Be honest but tactful, and if he doesn't like it, too bad for him. I've heard you complain before about men not being honest in the dating arena. And you call them out about it: Be a man, be an adult. Time for you to follow your own advice or be called a hypocrite. If you can't be mature about telling the truth, you're in no position to criticize men for the same thing.

Anonymous said...

I think you should at least call him and thank him for his interest, but that you are not interested in dating right now, and this will cover whether it be him or just the timing. NO ONE wants to be "shrugged off". Give him some the same decency that you would deserve if you were him in this scenario.

Anonymous said...

You "don't need any more friends"?

That's kinda sad, but if it's true, don't worry, because you're probably not in any danger of making any more.

But maybe the guy's not good enough for you, the never-going-to-be-famous Observer blogger.

And the guy's timing sucked? Why, because you were tired and wanted to go home? Aw-w-w, poor baby. Rough day at the office? Strained your brain trying to think of more inane things to say?

Get some rest. And a life, while you're at it. You obviously need both.

Anonymous said...

Deirdre, I like that you represent a single's perspective here, but I'm confused because you often talk about dating relationships--yet you've never described ONE date that you've had on this blog. (Speed dating doesn't count.)

If you like being single because you don't like the hassles of dating, then say it. It's no crime. I for one just get a lot of mixed messages from you. Many abstract theories and opinions on sex. But are you having any? I feel like you are trying to put yourself forward as experienced but you don't share the real experience to back it up.