Wednesday, October 01, 2008

You won't get lucky with these lines

Ran across a delightful short by Salon.com's Kate Harding with some serious dating don'ts: things guaranteed to not get you laid. You'll have to admit, her list is pretty good:

1. Don't tell me on a first date about the time you were tested for chlamydia (because you found out your high school girlfriend was "a bit of a skank") and go on to describe in loving detail the sensation of a medical-grade Q-tip being inserted into your penis.

2. When informed that I have an autistic nephew, don't respond with, "Well, at least when he gets older, you can take him to Vegas, right?"

3. Do not bring red roses to a woman on the first date. This is not an adorably romantic gesture. This is creepy as all hell.

4. Do not tell me that despite your being in your early 30s, most of your friends are in their early 20s, because "they just get you better."

5. Do not attempt to impress me by speaking Spanish to a waitress, if you don't actually speak Spanish.

6. Do not call out, as you watch my ass while I walk to the washroom, "You know, you're not really that fat. You're, like, thick at best."

7. When I say, "Hey, you know, my friends will make sure I get home OK, so you can feel free to go," do not interpret this as an invitation to stay.

Can you top Kate's list?

1 comment:

Porn Student said...

Nothing is guaranteed to not get you laid because there are some freaky people out there. You'd very likely have a hard time if you said you murdered your last lover.