Monday, November 17, 2008

Do men ever ASK to dance?

Over the weekend I hit a club with Nightlife writer and Paid to Party blogger Sarah Aarthun. We were relaxing at the bar when I drew her attention to a dude nearby who thought he was a backup dancer in Bobby Brown's "Every Little Step" video. He obviously thought he was doing something over there.

"Why doesn't he just ask a girl to dance, so everybody can see him?" I asked Sarah.

"Hmm. I don't think men ask women to dance anymore," was her response.

"Really?!" I said, shocked. Then we both got faraway looks in our eyes as we tried to remember the last time a guy had actually asked us to dance, rather than just coming up on the dance floor and joining in.

Sound familiar, ladies? You're getting your groove on, having fun with your girlfriends when suddenly a guy jumps in between you (if he's really foolish, he'll shout, "SANDWICH!") and starts gyrating like mad. Or you're moving to the music, eyes closed, when you feel a unexpected crotch pressed against your backside. Or you're doing your calm version of the "I'm not gonna sweat" dance (every woman has one) when you slowly realize there's a dude right next to you, bumping and grinding and trying to get you pregnant through your clothes.

I brought up the topic with the friend I call Gabrielle, aka, The Club Bunny. She has dubbed the maneuver the "sneak attack."

"It's about fear of rejection," she theorized. "If you ask someone to dance, you give them a verbal chance to say no. But if you just start dancing with them, they have to turn away or walk away from you on the floor, and some might think it's not worth the trouble. Especially if it's their favorite song -- you'll at least get that one dance."

Back to me and Sarah at the club. We're on the dance floor, grooving and laughing, when my favorite jam surfaces in the DJ's mashup: "It Takes Two" by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock. (I'm 38, remember?) With a delighted squeal I start dancing harder. Right then a guy eases past us, headed for the bar. He looks at me, and the next thing I know, I'm in his arms and Sarah's giving me a "didn't I tell you?" look over his shoulder as she dances away.

Weigh in on this, people. Ladies: do men still ask you to dance, or do they mostly employ the sneak attack when you're already on the floor? And how do you feel about it? Fellas: Do you ask women to dance, or move in when you see the goofy "This. Is. MY. JAM!" smile spread across their face?


Anonymous said...

Of course they do
I am one of them.

One of the most important key to ask a woman to dance is.. being very confident of yourself, no fear of rejection, if any.

Be strong from the get go, & let the lady know, that you are there for her, at least for the night

UTKevDawg said...

I love going out and dancing but I am usually already dancing with a group friends. I don't really ask women to dance in the club because I like to get to know women first and grinding on them is not a great avenue for me to do that. Get to know me outside the club or even in a quieter part, and yes I might ask you to go out on the dance floor.

I think men use the sneak approach because if they do get rejected, it is a lot less risk for them than if they had innocently asked for a dance and without apparent cause, were turned down.

Better avenues for getting asked to dance are social dances like Swing Dancing and Salsa where people have to partner up. It is fun, much more relaxed and you can talk to your partner during the dance.

Anonymous said...

No, I don't verbally ask to dance. You're asking by going up and dancing with the girl. If she doesn't want it, then she lets you know and you can move on to the next skank.

Anonymous said...

When I was single I loved to dance but I got tired of asking a guy to dance, waiting (forever) to be asked, talking to cheesy guys in the first place. So I got bold and just danced by myself for the fun of it. If I danced with a guy that was fine, but I had fun regardless.

I went out a lot by myself (not typical for a girl), but it worked for me and that's how I met my husband - he saw me dancing and talked to me afterwards!

Anonymous said...

Well, the problem is that what you describe as dancing is not. It is a bunch of people spastically gyrating and imitating sex acts.
As someone said previously, if you want to get asked to dance, go to a social dance, be it salsa, swing, ballroom. The men there will know how to dance and how to behave... (well, there are always exceptions)

Deirdre McGruder said...

A reader e-mailed me with his comments, and I just wanted to pass them on. He said:

Interesting topic. The question is, does anyone ever ask anybody to dance? Women are out just as much as men are these days and there seems to be this stalemate. Women want to be asked and men want to ask women. A lot of times it's body language. When you walk all the way across the room and a woman sees you coming you know the rejection line is coming and then you have to troll back to the other side and face your buddy w/her excuse. Then to top it off, the next guy can go there and she's all to willing to go dance. Me personally, I dance w/any woman because if she has enough nerve to ask the least I can do is make her time worthwhile and by me dancing w/her will have others wanting to dance w/the both of us. Too many of us act like when we go dancing we are scoping out potential people to date instead of just having a nice time.

Anonymous said...

sure, i ask women to dance and i have been asked to dance by women! women will bounce hard in their seats or bounce hard while standing in place but will turn a dude down for a dance while doing all of this. you would rather dance alone or with your girlfriend(s) and then complain the next day about how the men do not ask women to dance and how you did not have fun. i heard a co-worker telling another co-worker about how she was at a charlotte club with all these women standing around and the men were not asking the women to dance. if you feel like dancing, then ask the man to dance, the same way that you ask for other things. it's only a dance. i've also jumped in when women were dancing together but i also tapped the women on the shoulder that i came up on to let her know that i was behind her or if she was facing me, asked her if i could dance with her.

Anonymous said...

Is Deirdre a man?

Anonymous said...

I go to a lot of Latin clubs and most of the guys there ask women to dance. If I see a guy that can dance well, I will also go up to him and ask him to dance.

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