Thursday, December 04, 2008

Concessions to manhood

My friend and her husband couldn't beat the prospects: Spontaneous sex without the hassle of birth control. No reaching for a condom. No taking a daily pill that caused less-than-sexy mood swings. (My friend has a health condition that makes life with her an amusing little roller coaster without the help of synthetic hormones, thank you very much.)

However, the dream required a little outpatient medical procedure. For her husband. And first, he had to clear the huge emotional hurdle that the specter of a vasectomy can create.

And she had to help him.

He approached the procedure as a challenge to his masculinity, his role as chief breadwinner and head of household.

The problem: She’s strong-willed and independent – and she doesn’t hesitate to tell you if she thinks you’re acting stupid. Which is what she called her husband when, leading up to his surgery, he started picking at her for not consulting him on every decision she made. (Roll your eyes here.)

So, to maintain peace in her family – and to ensure she’d never have to dial-a-pill again – she had to sublimate her living-out-loud personality for a while. She had to show her husband that she needed him, despite what the doctor snipped.

Which is where the story gets amusing.

Leading up to her husband’s appointment with the knife, my friend started inventing ways to make her man feel, well, manly.

She called to ask him how to open the garage door when the power was out – even though she knew full well how to pull the chain. She sought his advice on how to get their toddler daughter’s hair cut. She consulted him about the grocery list.

She succeeded. The arguing stopped. He got the snip.

And since I wasn’t on the receiving end of that procedure, I don’t know that I’m qualified to pass judgment on the lengths it took to get it done. But my friend and her husband should be home-free.

If she can convince him to schedule the follow-up appointment – to ensure it all worked.

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ridiculous. I'm sorry she's married to such a pinhead.

Anonymous said...

What is it with men and their parts? My husband was so wigged out about getting this done that I ended up having to get my tubes tied instead! A procedure that could have cost us only a couple of thousand ended up costing a couple of ten thousand due to complications!!!! And he had the nerve to complain about the cost!!!

Anonymous said...

I will never, ever get the zippity taken out of my doo-dah.

Anonymous said...

What a baby. Grow up!

barkomomma said...

Ridiculous. I'm sorry HE'S married to such a pinhead.

Four years after getting "snipped," a friend's wife's biological clock went off. It cost him 10 thousand to get it reversed. Didn't work. Their next stop? Why, divorce, of course.

Or how about another guy I know who agreed wholeheartedly to have it done. Why? No chance his wife OR "dates" would get pregnant. Unfortunately, it didn't stop them from getting STDs.

Be careful what you ask for.

Brendan said...

I had this done in August. Here's a tip to guys. Once you're home and your wife is helping take care of you as you lie on the couch (i.e. renting movies, bringing you new bags of frozen peas, etc), don't complain that she only brought home chick flicks for you to watch. Do this and you'll lose your nurse and all sympathy.

Overall, the procedure wasn't that bad other than the one shot that felt like a tiger bite.

Anonymous said...

Don't understand women who are "happily single" and not looking for a mate? A lot of these women are usually celibate; what are you waiting for your "Golden Years"?

Gray Newman said...

I had mine done 4 years ago and it has not taken any zippity out of my doo dah.

J said...

Hey, why do we have to resort to name-calling when someone has a viewpoint different from our own? Just because you think this procedure is no big deal doesn't make anyone who thinks it is a big deal is a pinhead. It just means he's in a different place than you are.

I think a lot of the fears men have about this is Hollywood/MTV/BET/magazine-driven - the culture that infers that manliness increases with each sexual encounter as well as with each new sexual partner. It's the same culture that infers that female beauty only exists when you are so thin you pretty much have to be anorexic to achieve the thinness. So we men look on the "snip, snip" proceedure with fear that we are less of a man afterwards. It takes a lot of "un-learning" and coaching for us to get past that, just like it does for women to overcome the stupidity that our culture insists is what they have to do to be considered beautiful.

And no one of either gender should use their partner being sick and basically immoble to force their preferences on them. When your man is sick, don't force him to watch 16 Candles over and over again. If your woman is down, don't force Hooters wings on her if she wants a salad.

Anonymous said...

On the actual night of the vasectomy, I would recommend watching a documentary, possibly about baseball or World War II. No sense in risking a problem.

Seriously, I went a Broadway show in uptown Charlotte on the night of mine, and had no pain at all. The whole procedure was simple, quick and painless. Never regretted that move.

Anonymous said...

Is this what they mean by shooting blanks?

Anonymous said...

"zippty out of my doo-hah", never. Had to procedure done (went under the gas of course to avoid the "tiger bite"), toured Vegas, Vegas style the following week.

Anonymous said...

So Mrs. Macho called him "stupid",put the responsibility on him and than patronized him by "acting helpless" while keeping her horns of independence poked inside her head?

I wouldn't need a surgery to keep from getting her pregnant if I made the mistake of marrying someone like that.

So glad to see that woman think it is "so cute" to treat their mates like this.No wonder there are no strong men around anymore.

Pathetic

Anonymous said...

what a sexist article (from all perspectives)... You make your "friends" seem like a very immature couple who are more interested in who controls the relationship than focusing on the relationship itself. I'll make sure to stay clear of your blogs in the future.

Anonymous said...

Any men, that let their lives being control & dictate by women, are not men at all!

What's going on with all then men!

Women, should be women, & men should be men, that's they way mother nature intended

Women are trying harder & harder to make us (men) in nothing else, but whimps!

I am not pc at all!! women were made, to take care of men & the family, otherwise, don't get married!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn’t pull my gun out of the holster not unless it was “fully” loaded!!!!!Bang, Bang, Bang

Anonymous said...

No strong arm needed to get me to have mine done. No worries about unexpected accidents, when the mood strike we are ready to go.
Nothing wrong with shooting blanks, all the bang with no bullets. Make sure to take your partner for support on the follow up appointment. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I had mine done back in the 70's. I rode to and from the hospital on my motorbike. My wife and I made sure everything worked as well as it had before as soon as I got home. Been shooting blanks for more than 30 years and still shooting!

Anonymous said...

What kills me is these women think this is soooooooooooooooo cute to make the husband here look helpless if it was not for the wife being the man.
Sounds like the wrong person got snipped! Money probably would have been better spent paying for stappling her mouth shut and not letting her hang out with chicks who enjoy running down their mates to make themselves superior.

And then you wonder why there are no real men left! Gee wonder why

Anonymous said...

"Alicia is a big fan of the send-it-out-into-the-universe-and-
see-what-happens method of making connections ..."

And what the heck kind of whack job statement is that?!!! Either she is on too much Prozac or dropping acid.

"Hi Alicia, how ya doing today?"

"Oh, like wow, I am just like all out in the universe today except for some juicy gossip on my friends husbands privates that I am going to share in a public forum"

Please find a job and appreciate your mate

Matthew said...

Why did this woman marry this man? why didn't she marry a woman? if she's so condescending towards her man, because he is a man, then why bother? Isn't marriage a support system at its most basic?

And, to the writer, what is this "roll your eyes here" bit? Heaven forbid the couple talk with each other about decisions.

Scares me out of getting married.

PantherFan89 said...

this is on the front of the observer's webpage because...

Anonymous said...

A commenter said "What is it with men and their parts?" As though it is ridiculous for a man to have some emotional issues tied up in having a vasectomy. So is it also ridiculous for a woman to have some emotional issues related to a mastectomy? Of course not. Our bodies, ourselves. Having procedures like this done are clearly going to have some emotional strings attached and it isn't helpful for anyone to be condescending about it.

JJ Seahawk said...

Nothing is foolproof especially this procedure. I speak from experience, I am a statistic. I am one of the 1 in 10,000 the doctor who performs this procedure warns you of. I had to have the procedure done twice. Believe me it is worse the second time because you know what is heading your way.

However, each day I thank God and my lucky stars for my Lottery hit, my beautiful baby girl who is now 20 years old.

So remember nothing is a guarantee for free play, especially dealing with this issue.

Anonymous said...

How come these articles are always some woman issue? How about if you have some men writing about problems with women? How about if you have a guy write about the switch from sexy panties to "big drawers" after marriage, or the one full week of being grumpy men suffer from women who milk their natural cycle to death. Women have the need to degrade men, it is the only way they can feel superior because it's still a man's world as James Brown said.

Anonymous said...

Haven't heard the very one arguement needed here against the snip....there have been a few scientific studies that say it can take ten years off a mans life, can cause a certain type of cancer....of course that would get to the life insurance policy sooner and again, it's win, win for the woman!

altdude said...

For those women who think it isn't a big deal, you have never been hit in the kahonnees. And for a man, his, emmm, manhood is akin to women who feel less of a woman when they have a breast removed. I agree it is in the head, but that makes us who we are.

Anonymous said...

drivel

Mgdeadhead said...

Had my "V" job done in 2003. Best thing my wife and I could have done. We are CHILDLESS BY CHOICE. And, we get to have raucous, fun sex whenever we choose.

The only emotional "hurdle" I had to clear was whether I should get a large or extra large T-shirt following the procedure.

Oh, and my insurance covered the procedure. It was a $20 inpatient co-pay. Totally worth it.

Anonymous said...

The two worst words to use in the presence of men over 35? Snip Snip. Ouch it hurts thinking about. Go ahead call me a whimp.

Anonymous said...

There is no reason why a man or a woman need to have a procedure done to prevent pregnancy. It is quite easy enough to know a simple cycle of days which is basic biology and to avoid intercorse during the fertile time. There are plenty of ways to show love without having intercourse. We humans need to take control of ourselves instead of being lazy and getting snipped or tied.

Anonymous said...

My delightful hubby of 25 yrs had it done just a month after we got married. We paid the full cost (around $200) out of pocket since his ins wouldn't pay for it cuz we didn't have any kids (guess they thought we'd change our minds and sue them?) Back then, tubal ligation for a woman was in the hospital w/ general anesthesia...much more risky.

Always remember to continue to use contraception until after he goes for the follow up appt...an appt which can mean, as we did, "fooling around" in the dr's office (in private)!

Childless by choice, making love every day. No charting my irregular cycle and crazy unpredictable ovulation, no hotrmones for me which mess up things such as a skin condition and blood sugar, no broken condoms (or the trash created by it).

catholicranger said...

"Every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible is intrinsically evil" (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 2370).

barkomomma said...

From the previous post:

"Alicia and I are going to experiment with a schedule. She'll post Mondays and Wednesdays, I'll post Tuesdays and Thursdays, and we'll post together on Fridays. But since she's new, we'll start her off with her first post tomorrow. So come take a look!"

I'm so disappointed! I was looking forward to the three of us yesterday...

Anonymous said...

A gift for the partner, and that is great and good if the man so chooses to do this procedure. As in relationships to be spontaneous with intimacy it takes two spontaneous people, and a good relationship to me is where the mate is thinking first of the other and their needs and how they can please them; if both are doing this it makes for a great relationship. Who is humoring who here, does the wife actually think the husband doesn't know what she is doing or saying when she is manipulating or controlling or playing head games or not being sincere. Funny, to me, as I read this and know that you never really know which one is doing the humoring or smiling and playing along and not telling, just enjoying the game of the partner caring enough to try and help in their own way of thinking they are needed in the final decision. Men know what they are doing and want and choosing this for a form of birth control. A nice enjoyable gift for freeing their partner and good luck with it being the answer to spontaneous, in the mood, no interference with other methods, if the partner is not spontaneous to begin with and likes to manipulate or play games or humor or control for what they want or think they are influencing when they are not really needed to help in the decision to do this at all. Something this permanent has already been thought through long before the verbalizing or finalizing. So much wasted energy with all the games and playing that some partners do, who are they really fooling? Usually just themselves.