Guys in search of BFFs

I will admit this is something I haven't given much thought: Men have trouble finding friends, too.

That's what the new comedy "I Love You, Man" is about. The main character is getting married and he realizes he's not close enough to any guy to ask him to be his best man. So he goes on the hunt for a new best friend. (My first thought was, "ask your best female friend to stand up for you instead," but then there would be no movie, right?) I saw the trailer and it did highlight some of the difficulties -- with the inevitable moment where the main character is out with a guy and the dude lays a kiss on him at the end of their "date" (whoops!) -- but the flick looks to be all fluff.

A more substantive discussion of the problem is the recent Salon.com essay by Ryan Blitstein, "Couple seeking couple for good time."

"Until recently, I thought of myself as different, especially when it came to maintaining friendships with other men," Ryan writes. "I am not afraid to ask a guy out on a so-called man-date. I don't need to use SportsCenter or an action movie or an indie rock show to overpower the supposed latent homoeroticism that some men attribute to one-on-one male socializing. I'm as comfortable talking about relationships with another dude as I am arguing about politics. But it seems the older I get, the harder it is to find new people to engage in these conversations."

His problem is a common one as more people move from state to state, often coast to coast, for jobs. Ryan relocated to Chicago to be closer to family and his girlfriend. The couple has plenty of friends, just none nearby. Neither has an office job, and they're having trouble building a new social circle.

"... My girlfriend and I have embarked on a process akin to a platonic version of dating. Parties, for us, resemble nothing so much as speed-dating events. We search for friends of either sex, sending garbled nonverbal signals back and forth, waiting to gush about our new same-sex and opposite-sex crushes on the train ride home. I search for wedding rings on the fingers of women I like -- not because I'm hoping they're single, but because I'm hoping they're not, and that maybe their husbands will be willing to double date."

Finding people you'd like to spend more than 5 minutes at a party with is a challenge. But knowing there are others out there, engaged in the same activity, is heartening.

A reason to celebrate tonight

It's not easy to find a bright light in all the doom and gloom we're experiencing, but if you have a special bottle of wine (or other beverage) you've been saving for the right occasion, tonight is the time to open it.

The Wall Street Journal's husband-and-wife wine team of Dorothy J. Gaiter and John Brecher are hosting the 10th annual Open That Bottle of Wine Night tonight (hear their interview with "Fresh Air's" Terry Gross here). The duo started the celebration because the most common question
they get from readers is when they should open a special bottle of wine. Wait too long, for example, and the wine could go bad.

"You should worry less about what is the perfect moment for the wine than what is the perfect moment for you," the couple wrote in their "Tastings" column. (They encourage readers to send their stories of how they spend the evening.)

This reminds me of the movie "Sideways." The main character, played by Paul Giamatti, was saving an expensive bottle of wine for just the right moment, but it never seemed to come. In the end, he realized the futility of his wait and took the bottle to a hamburger joint, to enjoy it with a juicy burger.

I've got my bottle ready. It's a very cheap wine, but it's my favorite, and I don't find it often. I was saving it for "later," but why not savor it now?

When is special really something else?

Welcome to a very special episode of We Can Relate.

It’s so special because well, you’re so special. And the day is just so beautiful and peaceful and … special. Could there be anything better than spending such a special time with you on a day like this?

Annoyed yet? I am.

But that’s how this couple I know talks to each other. Yes – in front of actual people. It’s all so saccharine it makes me want to heave, or at the very least roll my eyes – which is what I do when they’re not looking.

It annoys me because I shouldn’t be hearing it – when they set off on these dialogues they’re always very wrapped up in each other. They’re not making general conversation with the others in the room. The dialogues can last five minutes – or 20. And one of the two often interrupts conversations the other is having to begin the you’re-so-special babble.

And, no, they're not newlyweds. They've been together for more than a decade -- and still it persists. And it annoys not only me but also others who witness it; I always have a partner in eye-rolling.

It all just makes me suspicious: Can things at that moment really be that special – and, long-term relationship-wise – that good, if you have to say it over and over? And, perhaps most annoying, in that really cloying I’m-talking-to-a-cute-widdle-kitten tone?

My money’s on no.

Concessions to manhood

My friend and her husband couldn't beat the prospects: Spontaneous sex without the hassle of birth control. No reaching for a condom. No taking a daily pill that caused less-than-sexy mood swings. (My friend has a health condition that makes life with her an amusing little roller coaster without the help of synthetic hormones, thank you very much.)

However, the dream required a little outpatient medical procedure. For her husband. And first, he had to clear the huge emotional hurdle that the specter of a vasectomy can create.

And she had to help him.

He approached the procedure as a challenge to his masculinity, his role as chief breadwinner and head of household.

The problem: She’s strong-willed and independent – and she doesn’t hesitate to tell you if she thinks you’re acting stupid. Which is what she called her husband when, leading up to his surgery, he started picking at her for not consulting him on every decision she made. (Roll your eyes here.)

So, to maintain peace in her family – and to ensure she’d never have to dial-a-pill again – she had to sublimate her living-out-loud personality for a while. She had to show her husband that she needed him, despite what the doctor snipped.

Which is where the story gets amusing.

Leading up to her husband’s appointment with the knife, my friend started inventing ways to make her man feel, well, manly.

She called to ask him how to open the garage door when the power was out – even though she knew full well how to pull the chain. She sought his advice on how to get their toddler daughter’s hair cut. She consulted him about the grocery list.

She succeeded. The arguing stopped. He got the snip.

And since I wasn’t on the receiving end of that procedure, I don’t know that I’m qualified to pass judgment on the lengths it took to get it done. But my friend and her husband should be home-free.

If she can convince him to schedule the follow-up appointment – to ensure it all worked.

Poll: Lots of couples clash over clutter

Since I'm in a numbers mood, here's another stat: More than eight in 10 couples view unused items lying around the house as a source of tension in their relationships.

According to Kijiji.com, a free local classifieds Web site, 81% of Americans in relationships own items they’d love to throw away but can’t, because their significant others insist on keeping them. Sound familiar?

The poll says there are about 35 unused items in every household, on which each consumer has spent over $3,600. And it’s not just women hanging on to outfits they're sure will fit again one day; the poll found 31% of men are clogging the closets with old clothes.

Good luck streamlining your lives, couples. If you do get into an argument, remember there's always hot makeup sex.

Ad shocking ... in a good way

I was bored and flipping through the TV channels when I saw a commercial that made my jaw drop. It was for Trojan's Vibrating Touch, a fingertip massager that ... ahem, gives women pleasure.

It wasn't the massager that shocked me, but the fact that there was a commercial on television advertising it. Sure, it was almost 2 in the morning, but the ad was on AMC, no less! (I would think Bravo or FX, but there it was ...)

A tasteful commercial is a leap forward in taking some of the mystery and stigma away from sex toys. Trojan has done a nice job of mainstreaming sexual aids with its Elexa line for women, and this toy is a logical step. I think it's great that more women and couples can see, even if it's on late-night cable TV, that not only is it OK to be interested in sex toys, but you can have attractive and affordable ones of your own. And that no, it doesn't make you a perv!