Monday, March 02, 2009

What's wrong with these roses?

Ladies, a man sends you a dozen roses by way of introduction -- and in hopes of getting you to agree to a date. You:

A. Rejoice. Romance is alive and well! You call to thank him for the gift, you chat a little bit and you schedule that date. He just might be a keeper.

B. Read the note, which goes a little something like this -- "Having enjoyed meeting you, please accept these roses as an invitation to dinner" -- and you think, "Weird. Why didn't he just ask me when he saw me?" Your answer to his invitation: thanks for the flowers, but no thanks to the invite. Let's be friends.

C. Don't respond. What in the world is this guy doing sending me flowers, and, if he's so interested, why do I have to call him to set up a date? Stalker alert: Let the red flags wave.

For one Relate reader, the answer has been a version of C, every time. Seems he keeps sending a dozen roses to women he has met casually, but they never acknowledge their receipt, let alone the dinner invitation -- even if he sees them again.

By way of background, this reader was married for 12 years and says he took a few years off from dating before re-entering the scene. Then he started sending the roses. To four women, to be exact.

Not one date resulted. He says not one woman told him she had received the flowers.

He's frustrated. He says of the women he's encountered on the dating scene: "They claim to want a man who is stable, comfortable, who can provide the security that is needed in a relationship, but yet you watch the type/style these women date and it makes you wonder which side of the mind are they thinking with. For me, I look at the woman's inner beauty, who she is inside, what makes her tick."

So, readers, what should he do?


Anonymous said...

She (the shes) is not that into you. move on.

If the broad likes you its A) if she doesnt it will be b or c.

the line between sweat and creapy is located between interested or not.

Anonymous said...

If this scenario presented itself on the Bachelor, the women would be falling all over themselves, saying "how romantic!"

It is in the height of bad taste to not even acknowledge the flowers. How were these women raised, to be so rude? To feel so entitled that they cannot make an effort to call back? Ignoring the gesture is lame.

barkomomma said...

He should find another man.

hipQuest said...

Flowers are a lovely gesture but if some (pretty much unknown)man sent my widowed Mom roses it would set off alarms. There are many other floral options that don't have the well known symbolism of roses. How about a lovely live Orchid? A pot of just ready to bloom spring bulbs?

Anonymous said...

A dozen roses is overdoing it. Sending a gift of any kind is overdoing it! Creepy! He should drop the sending of gifts and learn how to talk to or call his object of affection and ask her out for a casual date. Coffee and conversation at a bookstore, lunch in a casual spot, etc. The gifting thing before ever even having a date is definitely scary. As for the women who did not acknowledge the roses, it would have been so helpful if one of them could have pulled him to the side and said "Flowers are lovely but way inappropriate. It gives off a stalker or obsessed vibe. Here they are (hands them back). I cannot accept them."

Anonymous said...

Bad idea. Four out of four women agree, which is amazing, and a reliable indicator of a bad idea.

Roses should only be sent, IMO, after the words "I love you" have come into play.

Anonymous said...

If he's dead set on sending roses, send a single yellow rose.

No one mentioned the color (I'll assume it was red) but traditionally a dozen red roses are something you give a loved one, not a friend. So stick with yellow or white.

Plus, a dozen roses? Before they've gone out? That just SCREAMS "Desperate!"

If you want to sent an invitation, send an invitation. A card will show you took the time to hand write a note and have interest, but all those flowers could be misinterpreted as overtures of love.

That, is interpreted as creepy when you haven't gone out with them at all.

I also agree with everyone else who said that not acknowledging the flowers, no matter how they were received, is just wrong. Just say "Thanks, but no thanks."

Anonymous said...

Maybe 50 years ago this would have been considered so wonderful. But today it may be taken as a sign of desperation and red flags to obsessive behavior.

If a couple have been together a while and the man does this, to me it would be romantic and sexy.