Reese and Ryan -- saw that one coming

Well, another celeb marriage goes kaput. This time it's Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe, married for seven years and parents to Ava, 7, and Deacon (great name!), 3.

I've watched them from the beginning with interest, hoping they would make it, thinking they would probably not. They married young -- he was 25, she was 23 -- and when both were Hot Young Things in Hollywood. Only thing is, where Reese's career soared, Ryan's just kinda ... puttered along. We'll never know what really went on in their relationship, but to me, the biggest give-aways were their appearances over the years. In most photos (like this one --and it's his night, the premiere of "Flags of Our Fathers"), Reese was always composed but Ryan usually just looked stank, like he didn't want to be there, and he wasn't gonna smile if he didn't want to, and get the stupid cameras outta his face, especially since you only want to photograph his wife, right?

Anyway, I can't help but think of this in the form of the US Weekly feature, "Stars -- they're just like us!"

"He drinks too much and does inappropriate things!" (Ryan got smashed at this year's Golden Globes and gave Reese such a hard congratulatory slap on the back when she won for her role in "Walk the Line," he almost knocked her over.)

"She's a control freak who has to have things just so!" (Her production company? It's called Type A Films.)

"He's jealous of her success!" (The aforementioned bad attitude and surliness in public.)

"They married young and grew apart!" (Several reports mentioned recent bad rows in public -- uncharacteristic for la Reese.)

"They tried to work it out for the children!" (In fact, I bet she hung in there an extra year, out of pure stubbornness.)

I don't doubt that they'll both have solid careers after this mess. But my prediction? We'll see Ryan carousing it up with other single guy pals in the mags, while Reese will take the high road and be photographed lunching with lady friends and playing with her kids -- and she'll focus like mad on her career.

Charlotte's not that bad, people!

The Charlotte.com world was abuzz this week with lots of party/date-y talk, thanks to blogs by Paid to Party's Tonya Jameson (take a look at the comments) and New Around Town's Leigh Dyer (these too, while you're at it). Most of the talk centered around the fact that many respondents believe Charlotte sucks when it comes to the nightlife scene, and it's really hard to make friends here.

Alisha: Unless you're living in Podunk, N.C., night life and dating activities are what you make of them. It's ludicrous to think there isn't enough to do in Charlotte.
Deirdre: Amen to that! I moved here from the San Francisco Bay Area and was pleasantly surprised at what Charlotte has to offer. Sure, it's no San Francisco, but it ain't Podunk, either.
Alisha: The diversity of activities is here. Folks just need to be more creative when coming up with ideas for dates. There's more to do than the blah dinner and blah movie.
Deirdre: I think one's attitude is critical. It's easy to complain about the scene here; I've been known to do it myself. But unless you believe in reincarnation, we only have one life. If you aren't enjoying life the way it is, change it. Whether that means trying different places here or moving to a new city altogether, ultimately, you are responsible for your own social life.
Alisha: Yep, the onus is definitely on each person. If you want to be a couch potato, fine -- just don't say there's nothing to do in Charlotte because your perspective is only seen through your living room window. It takes imagination and an open mind to fill your spare time in this city. Why not pack a picnic lunch and meet your spouse or best friend at Marshall Park in uptown? Or break out of your comfort zone and go to a concert of a group that you have never even heard of.
Deirdre: Someone on Leigh's blog made an interesting comment: "Charlotte sounds like the very start of a new country, like New York was for many of our grandparents and parents going to Ellis Island." I say why not take advantage of that? Embrace the chance to learn from and enjoy people of various cultures, not alienate yourself from them. The world is becoming a smaller place.
Alisha: And this region is a great place to explore if you put your mind to it, and you open up your schedule. People act like Charlotte is in the country. You haven't seen the country if you think this is it. It's Charlotte, not Mayberry.

Our personal dating styles

I've read the comments on our post about online dating, and they highlight what I think should never be forgotten when we singles try to meet perspective mates: everyone has their own dating style, and we all have to do what's best for us as individuals.

Dating - especially when you're looking for a partner, and not just a good time - is hard. It's a commitment that takes a lot of energy and a willingness to open yourself up to new people and experiences. The search for a mate requires a level of emotional vulnerability that one can't take for granted, or take lightly. Whatever a person can do to make the experience more comfortable and less stressful, I say go for it.

I've dated guys I met on dance floors, in bars and through friends. I've dated co-workers, childhood friends all grown up, men I've met through speed-dating and dudes from the gym. I know a couple who "met" in a one-night-stand, a couple who clicked in a recovery group, and people who met online, on vacation, at the opera, in strip clubs and while swing dancing.

My point? In every situation just mentioned, two people met and there was a spark. Maybe the spark sputtered after a while, maybe it's now a fire that's still going strong. But most importantly, in that moment, both people decided to take a chance.

It doesn't matter where you choose to look for someone. It only matters how you feel when you're looking - I hope that's open, accessible, intrigued and ready, not inhibited, scared, disenchanted and desperate. Whatever dating method works best for you is the method that will give you the best advantage. If you're more comfortable with online dating, then that's where you'll shine. If you love whitewater rafting and that cute excursion leader has been giving you the eye, go for it! If you've recovered from a divorce and your best friend keeps talking about a chick at work who might be perfect for you, let him set you up.

We singles often hear dating is a numbers game, but I don't believe that's necessarily the case. I think that if you find the dating style that works for you (and that might involve a few bad dates, but those always make great drinking stories later), eventually you'll find the best person for you as well.

We tussle over online dating

Deirdre: I've been sick, but I know I feel better because I'm in the mood for a good fight. You ready to debate online dating?
Alisha: (Ringing the bell) Let's get it on! And it's about time, Deirdre.
Deirdre: Hmpf. Anyway, while I believe online dating would be a positive thing for some people -- say, the really shy/introverted who need to work on people skills, or folks who live in isolated areas -- on the whole, I am against the practice.
Alisha: Why? Online dating is safe. It's practical. It's free. It provides a safety net.
Deirdre: Online dating is NOT safe. It's that false sense of security that can get people in trouble. Online dating is NOT practical. Think of the hours people spend weeding out "matches" that are really nothing more than random names. Online dating is NOT free. Memberships to most services have fees. Online dating does NOT provide a safety net. Instead, it provides a thick curtain of anonymity for people to hide behind while they lie, cheat and steal.
Alisha: Does online dating scare you or do you think it's just a bad way to connect with a potential partner?
Deirdre: I'm not scared of it -- I don't trust it. In general, it saddens me that this is the direction our society is heading in when it comes to starting and building relationships. I'm not stupid -- I know online dating is here to stay, and I know some people are having success with it.
Alisha: I would much rather get to know a person through months of correspondence than to run into some stranger at a bar. Online dating also gives people confidence. You can chat with someone you likely would never approach in public.
Deirdre: The two main aspects that put me off online dating: 1) I believe in using all of your senses when sussing out if someone is a potential mate. That includes the sixth sense, if you will, where you get a vibe off another person. When you're online, you're restricted to what that person types. You can't see their eyes or read their body language or hear the way they say something. 2) The anonymity of online enables lying. Sure, people lie in person, but online, the lies come so much more fluidly, from little "10 pounds/5 years off" fibs to big whoppers, like people pretending they're of the oppposite sex.
Alisha: Online dating is the preliminary step to a relationship. You eventually will have to get up off of the couch and go out on a date. And, you're right -- there's nothing that can compare to body language and signals. As for the lying, that can happen whether you're online or not.
Deirdre: There's also a part of me that feels it's lazy. You could meet more dating possibilities if you spend less time on the computer and more time out among people.
Alisha: It's not about being lazy. Some people who were married for 30 years might suddenly find themselves single again after a divorce. Online dating is a great avenue for them because it's a way to ease back into the singles scene.
Deirdre: Or they could check out singles groups, or tell their friends to set them up, or join activity clubs that cater to older adventurers ... I think more and more people are looking to the Internet as their last hope, or their only hope. And that's just not the case.
Alisha: What if you're scared to ask for help or you're ashamed you're single? Online dating caters to that crowd.
Deirdre: But the majority of daters don't have to go online. I think it could turn from a curiosity-satisfier into a dating crutch.
Alisha: Online dating is just not as evil as you portray it.
Deirdre: It's not as evil as I portray it, but it's not Soulmate Central like all the commercials and ads portray it, either. That's all I'm sayin'.
Alisha: I don't doubt there are some happily married couples who gave online dating a chance. Speaking of chances, thanks for finally discussing why you think online dating is bad. I'm sure some folks will agree with you, and some will agree with me.

Get this on record: I was wrong

I was wrong. I admit it. I screwed up.

Last week I was working overtime. I e-mailed my husband to ask if he would meet me for dinner. He replied to say he was too busy and he just couldn’t.

I pouted. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to eat dinner alone.

As my work day came to a close, I walked out the front door and there was my husband with a huge bouquet of autumn flowers! They were gorgeous, and I just melted. He was playing me the entire time. He wanted to surprise me and boy, did he ever.

So, he drove me to my car, and on the way, I dropped my keys on the floorboard and didn't realize it. We had decided to go to a nice restaurant – 30 minutes away – and I would meet him there. He drove off before I got to my car door. That's when I realized I didn’t have my keys.

I started to run after his car in my two-inch heels, the bouquet in my left hand, my purse and laptop clutched in my right. He must have had Metallica on full blast and the pedal to the metal, because he never saw me in his rear-view mirror.

To make matters worse, we don’t have cell phones. (I know, I know – everyone has a cell phone.) I was so upset. I went back into work, called the restaurant and left my number. He got there, called me back, and I had to give him the bad news.

When he finally got back to me, my frustration had turned into anger. I told him it was all his fault for leaving without checking to make sure I had gotten in the car, and for us not having cell phones, and for world hunger and the war in Iraq! (OK, not the last couple – but you get the point.)

I let my emotions overtake my desire to make the best out of the situation.

He realized I was frustrated and he didn’t say another word. I drove home wanting to put the blame for the night’s failure all on him.

I was wrong, and it took about two hours for me to realize it. Deep down, I didn’t mean to blame him for everything. There comes a time (or many times) when we have to admit we’re human and we overreact – or when we’re just plain wrong.

By the way: I apologized profusely and he now has this blog for proof. We ate together late that night at home, and my flowers are still alive to this day! A happy ending.

A not-so-practical license renewal

Let's start off the week with a light-hearted suggestion from a friend of a friend.

Here's her idea: "You know how once you get a driver's license, it expires and then you have to return to the DMV to renew the license? Why isn't there an expiration date on a marriage license? Couples should have to go through a renewal process every 10 years!"

My thoughts: While renewing your marriage license every 10 years sounds ideal and fun, three obstacles immediately come to mind.

1) The divorce rate likely could double because many couples would elect not to renew.

2) What would the equivalent of the eye exam and sign test be? A "honey, do this" check-off list and a reflex test for charge-card wrist?

And ...

3) Now you're relying on the guy to not only remember the anniversary date, but your marriage would really depend on his memory for the sake of the renewal. Uh-oh.

Sick and single is fine by me

Sorry I've been out of the loop, but for the last week and a half I've been sick. (Two words: Stomach ailment. Trust me, that's all you want to know.)

And when I start paying attention to relationship goings-on again, what do I find? That goofy Runaway Bride in Georgia has sued her ex-fiance (I think she's just bitter because he dumped her crazy butt); Vince and Jen broke up (she was rebounding from Brad Pitt and Vince is probably better off without her); Madonna is in the process of adopting an African baby (????); and here in Charlotte we have a burgeoning swingers community (don't know what I'm talking about? You need to read Alisha's last post!)

Wow.

Meanwhile, here at the McGruder homestead, I've spent most of my recent days in bed, curled in the fetal position. Which means I've had plenty of time to think -- and you know what kept popping into my mind?

Man, am I glad I live alone.

You'd think in a time of illness I'd want someone to take care of me, right? But it's been just the opposite. I'm glad I don't have a man here who has to handle my sour moods, my repeated doctor's visits, the general gnarliness of a stomach ailment. While I know that in marriage we vow to love each other "in sickness and in health," I'm glad I don't have a husband dealing with my fevered tossing and turning in bed, the crumpled and unglamorous "sick" pajamas, the unending bed head, the bland soup-and-saltines diet.

And ultimately, the aloneness has allowed me to concentrate on getting better, because I don't have to worry about anyone else. When I was at my worst, a close friend dropped off medicine and groceries, and when I got lonely, friends and family were only a phone call away. Also, my cat, Jezebel, has proven to be quite the sickbed companion. It's amazing how our pets pick up on when we need extra love; Jez has been by my side nonstop -- warm, purring and snuggled as close as she can get.

So now I'm on the road to recovery ... thanks to some concentrated "me" time.

Sex therapist: Four relationship trends in Charlotte

Every person has had a problem with a relationship, and if you haven’t, brace yourself because it’s bound to happen.

I was curious about what problems tend to affect Charlotte couples, so I sought out the advice of Lisa Terrell, a certified sex therapist, marital counselor and owner of Lydia’s Loom Counseling in Charlotte.

She has noted, below, four relational trends she’s encountered most often through her practice.

They’re quite interesting; two of them are almost a "no-duh" (Banker syndrome and affluent-za) while one surprises me a little (International flavor) because Charlotte doesn't feel like it's as diverse as Washington, D.C., or Atlanta.


Here's Terrell's four relational trends:

Banker syndrome
Individuals who work for one of the banks and are working so hard to facilitate their career that their personal relationships suffer. This could be singles, newly marrieds, and couples with children of all ages.

Affluent-za
This may not just be special to Charlotte, but it's when a couple "has everything:" money, solid career, bright future, and yet they are unhappy together as a couple and with their lives as a whole. They think, "maybe we should split because we aren’t feeling it together; maybe there’s another person who will feel more exciting, etc."

Swinging
The International Lifestyle Association asserts that 15 percent of couples in the U.S. have at some point incorporated swinging in their marriage. I have tried to find specific stats for Charlotte, but although there are many Web sites and groups for swingers I could not find hard data. I have seen a steady increase in couples or individuals seeking help. I moved here in 1999, and I did not get a swinging-related inquiry until 2003. Most recently, I am fielding one to two inquiries a month. This isn’t necessarily a scientific statistic, but it’s an indicator for me. Of course, I don’t come in contact with "swingers" seeking my services until something goes wrong.

20-30’s singles scene has a diverse international flavor
Young professionals are working here from all over the world.
CHOA (Charlotte Outdoor Adventures) is the place that people usually try at least once to check out the singles scene. Most singles or people who have recently been single have taken a trip through the CHOA activities.

Now Match.com and Eharmony.com are becoming mainstream with my single clients.

We need more random acts of kindness

I went to the grocery store with a guy friend a couple weeks ago. He considers himself to be a solid 6, maybe creeping up to a 7, on the hotness scale. I bring up his looks because while we were in the store, a very hot brunette walked past us – I’m talking a 10+. She was carrying a bag of potato chips and a bottle of Merlot. As my friend and I are standing in line, he walks up beside the beautiful woman and says: “You know, I had chips and wine for lunch, and I can’t say I’d recommend it as much of a nutritional dinner.”

I thought the woman was going to rear back and slap him. On the contrary, she giggled and kept on till she could finally mutter a complete sentence. She thought it was cute, and my friend had just bravely approached a stranger without receiving any signals or eye contact. Their conversation ended with her telling him, “Have a great evening, and thanks for the kind words.”

Random acts of kindness or flirting – even if it is a cheesy pickup line that makes you laugh – are encouraged in my book. Every person wants to feel loved, appreciated and wanted – doesn’t matter if you’re single, married or divorced.

It’s a sweet gesture when someone goes out of his or her way to make you feel special. Who wouldn’t want to wear a permanent smile after someone was thoughtful enough to liven up your day? Even something as simple as a “hello” in the grocery store.

Real selling point of 'The Nine'

Spoiler alert: If you haven't seen the new ABC series "The Nine," but plan on catching a rerun of the pilot, you probably don't want to read this.

I just finished the premiere of the new series "The Nine," and I admit I wasn't going to watch it. Not only was I afraid it would be too much like the Spike Lee movie "Inside Man" (which starred my three favorite husbands -- Denzel Washington, Clive Owen and Chiwetel Ejiofor, so you know I was in heaven), but I also have been trying to keep my new-series gathering to a minimum. However, I was sitting on my sofa, dabbing at tears of frustration about "Lost" -- will the Others ever leave those castaways alone? I mean, it's not their fault their plane cracked like a pinata in the sky -- and I didn't have the energy to change the channel.

What will probably keep me watching "The Nine" is not necessarily to find out what happened in the 52 hours the hostages were held in that bank. I want to know, of course, but the really fascinating part is how those 52 hours affected everyone -- hostages, hostage-takers, and the people outside who knew someone involved.

In the group of hostages, there's this total geek who received a new lease on life because of his split-second act of courage. I feel pretty sure there's a chance he'll leave his harridan of a wife, and you know what? Maybe it's time he did. The lone teenager in the group was so traumatized by the event, she's forgotten everything. Something seems to have transpired between the cop and the lawyer, and now they're looking at each other with achy longing. And there's the hot doctor and the hoochie bank teller (c'mon, did you see what she was wearing at the wake?) who had some kind of "moment" during the standoff, and now the doctor's girlfriend keeps looking at him with squinty-eyed suspicion. (Um, since there was some pseudo-pity sex between the doc and the hoochie bank teller at that wake, her instincts are correct.)

There's going to be a lot of looking at relationships with fresh perspectives, and a lot of "what am I really doing with my life?" introspection. I remembered that Sandra Bullock line from "Speed" where she tells Keanu Reeves that relationships that start under intense circumstances never last. This show will put that notion to the test, because the hostages, right now at least, seem determined to stay close. And, so far, "The Nine" seems to be setting itself up for some realistic portrayals of how people react in an intense crisis, and the lasting effects such a crisis can have. I'm hooked.

Celebrating 1st wedding anniversary

I love October. It’s my favorite month for several reasons: college basketball starts, the weather begs for jeans and a T-shirt, and it’s the month of my wedding anniversary.

I plan on writing more about my anniversary when the time draws closer because I’ve got plenty to share about my first year of marriage. (Hint: it’s a lot of hard work!)

But since the big day is a good three weeks away (Oct. 22), it’s time to think about how to celebrate. I have no idea what present to get or what plans to make. I mean, when you’re dating someone, you celebrate Day 37 by writing an “I love you” note or picking out a rose at the Harris Teeter. How do you express: hey, you put up with my snoring for a year, and goodness gracious, we’re not filing for divorce?! Yippee!

With some quick research, I discovered the first year’s traditional wedding anniversary gift is paper. Last I checked, my husband isn’t a big fan of origami, and writing him a love letter would be sweet, but wouldn’t an email be so much quicker?

I’d love to know what ideas you have: how should my husband and I celebrate, and what presents should we get each other?
Here’s a list of traditional as well as modern anniversary gifts.

Help me out by posting your ideas, and if I really like one, I hope you won’t mind if I use it?

About that wandering eye ...

I just want to second that emotion from 'Lisha's last post. She was trying to be all polite about it, but let me say it again, in stronger words:

WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE GONNA LOOK. JUST DON'T MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF, OK?

Case in point: A good friend of mine is dating a new guy. She's trying to decide if she'll pursue something serious with him. One night he's over at her pad, and in passing, she shows him a picture of her younger sister.

Let me pause at this point of the story to say that there's no way men will ever be as smooth as women when it comes to checking out attractive members of the opposite sex. After a single, covert glance at a fine man, a well-trained woman can tell you if he's wearing a wedding ring, if he has thick, curly eyelashes and what color socks he's wearing. She doesn't make a big production out of it, she just assimilates the information and moves on. What can I say? It's a gift.

Most men, on the other hand, are such visually-oriented creatures that if a gorgeous woman passes by, they could lose their train of thought and be reduced to stuttering monosyllables. C'mon, guys! Pull yourselves together! Be cool about it!

Which brings us back to my friend, and the guy she's dating. Was dating. She showed him a picture of her younger sister, and I know the girl, so I can tell you she's very pretty. But this dude takes the picture and all but drools over it as he shouts -- shouts -- an appreciative "DAYUM!"

So not cool. You can guess what her reaction was to that.

Men, take it from me: the sooner you learn to appreciate beauty without making an ass of yourself, the better off you'll be. 'Cause there's nothing wrong with looking -- as long as that's all you're doing, and you're doing it with class.

We all have a 'wandering eye' for beauty

Many sets of eyes are on you. And why shouldn’t they be? You’re beautiful. You’re tall, trim and tan. Your smile lights up the room.

But is it really OK that my husband’s eyes are on you ... and, well, the eyes of all the men in the room? Married, single or even homosexual, there’s no discrimination because your beauty is that breathtaking.

To answer the question: Yes, it is perfectly acceptable for those glances to target you. It’s in our nature. We want to gaze at masterpieces of beauty; just ask Rembrandt.

This affliction does not single out gender – women are just as prone to gawk. Of course, there are levels to which some take their stares; mouth open, prolonged ogling can be distracting as well as disrespectful if you’re with someone.

I don’t understand those people who catch their partner looking at someone, and then all of a sudden emotions from the deep abyss of their stomach broil over into anger, jealousy and annoyance. Relax. It’s a voyeuristic world, and curiosity often gets the best of us.

As long as married folks don't turn their staring into something more, and as long as someone isn’t being rude by watching a stunningly beautiful person, let’s not worry about the wandering eye.

Let’s all partake of the beauty before us.

10 things men should know about women

1. If you're single, don't judge the next woman you meet by the last woman you met. Sure, the next chick might be crazy (or worse, married), but what if she's not? - Deirdre

2. Don't tell us if you dated a stripper. The constant comparison in our heads will drive us crazy. - Alisha

3. Most women want good sex just as much - if not more - than you do. If you find a women who wants it as often (or as little) as you do, keep her, because sexual compatibility is a glorious thing. - Deirdre

4. Tell us (nicely) if we look fat in these jeans. You're right; there's no good way a guy can come out on top with this question. However, there is a way to be honest so we won't go out of the house looking like a house. - Alisha

5. Little things go a long way. Opening doors, carrying coats, walking on the side closest to the street - we notice. And we like it. - Deirdre

6. Girls don't want to date duds. TV, sports and the couch cannot make up our lives seven nights a week. - Alisha

7. No woman deserves to be hit. EVER. Just get out of the relationship ... and remember No. 1 on this list. - Deirdre

8. It's a man's world and we're trying to change it. You acknowledging our efforts means more than you might think. - Alisha

9. We love you. And we hate you. Often at the same time. It comes from the long, complex history men and women share, and communication is the best way to keep the emotion you want at the fore. - Deirdre

10. We're jealous. We really do wish we could pee while standing up. Nuff said. - Alisha

Sorry, no Sugar Mamas here

I stopped at my local gas station a couple days ago to fill up and grab a Cherry Coke. As I walked from my car to the store, I passed two guys standing at a car, talking. I could feel their eyes on me as I passed, and I heard mutterings that sounded like a running commentary about my derriere. Since I'm sensitive about my derriere right now -- it's been awhile since I visited the gym -- I walked a little faster and yanked open the store's door.

As I headed back to my car, the guys were still there. I heard a
" 'Scuse me!" and I glanced over in reflex, cursing myself in the split-second I did so. I've grown more polite since I moved back to the South, and sometimes it works against me.

"How you doin'?" said one of the guys with a wide grin. Dude looked about 20. I responded "pretty good" without breaking stride and got in my car.

I thought about the incident all the way home. Didn't that kid know I was old enough to be his ... er ... big sister? And didn't he know that even if I was closer to his age, yelling at a chick in a gas station parking lot isn't the way to get her digits? And didn't he know that openly leering at a chick's booty as she walked by, AND THEN yelling at her in said parking lot was guaranteed not to get him the digits?

Then I remembered a recent "Cheaters" episode I stumbled across while watching TV with a friend. "Cheaters" is a like a car wreck; when you pass it, you have to at least slow down to see what's going on. Anyway, in this particular episode, a guy, about 20, was cheating on his live-in girlfriend, who was about my age. His reasoning? Sleeping with women was his job, and in return the women let him live rent-free and they bought him anything he wanted. With chicks that stupid out there, no wonder some men think they can trip like that, right?

So I thought about the "Cheaters" episode and wondered: Did that guy think I looked like the type of older woman who would take care of him in exchange for sex? Since the dude was a critter, I shudder at the thought. But now I'm curious: have I reached that age where I'm Sugar Mama material?

If so, a lot of guys are going to be disappointed to find out this mama only takes care of herself.

How to be a gentleman, GQ style

So I picked up the current issue of GQ magazine because it has a fetching photo of my husband, actor Clive Owen, on the cover. (In an alternate, Deirdre-centric universe I have several lovely and adoring husbands. Isn't that right, Denzel?)

But I bought it, not only for my Clive fix, but also because a certain headline caught my eye: "Split the Check? Date a Friend's Ex? Break Up via E-mail? Modern Manners for the 21st Century."

The article, written by GQ's Style Guy, Glenn O'Brien, has some great advice on when and where to use cell phones and PDAs; e-mail and iPod etiquette; how to dress and act on airplanes; how to treat gay people; what the rules are on wedding gifts and other relevant topics. I strongly recommend it for guys and gals. Some examples of Glenn's wisdom:

E-vites: The sole domain of 18-year-old girls who drive lime green Volkswagen Beetles, or perfectly acceptable? For casual events and save-the-dates, an e-vite is fine. For retirement parties, weddings, engagement parties, Bar Mitzvahs, and other non-evanescent events where tangible mementos are called for: Christ, no.

Can you bang your friend's ex-girlfriend? Or do you need his official blessing first? When a man fancies the ex of his pal, he should give notice of his intentions. But permission is not required.

How about flirting over e-mail at work? Flirting over e-mail is unacceptable; it may even be sexual harassment. And hard drives are subpoenaed every day of the workweek.

Is there anywhere I can't wear my jeans these days? Jeans are acceptable only on informal occasions. I beg to differ with Ralph Lauren on the aptness of dungarees with a dinner jacket.

BTW guys, the issue also has some great tips on what to look for when buying a suit, actress Amanda Peet in her underwear, and an article about how to build the perfect (baseball) batter. And gals -- the issue smells yummy (if you like cologne), has several interesting articles about music, books and movies, and the NFL preview mostly consists of two hot players (Reggie Bush and Troy Polamalu) shirtless. Very nice.

Who are you, again?

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." -- Bernard Meltzer.

They say family will always be there for you. They say friends come and go. They say blood is thicker than water.

Here's what I think: I say you can't always depend on family. I say friends often exit your life, but their imprint is everlasting. I say blood and water can coexist.

I’m so thankful for the friends I have, but there is one thing that bothers me about the intrinsic nature of friendship. Many don’t realize it’s a two-way street.

You know the kind. The friend who never e-mails, never calls, never visits, never does anything except expect you to maintain the vitality of the relationship.

Don’t get me wrong; I'm not perfect. We’ve all had busy times in our lives where the line of communication is temporarily out to lunch. Eventually for most people, though, the CLOSED sign is flipped back over to OPEN.

But it’s time some folks realize it takes energy to keep up a friendship and the responsibility shouldn’t be all on one person.

I can’t decide what to do with a particular friend. Do I continue to take up the slack for our friendship, and just figure one day she’ll come around to caring about what’s going on in my life once again? Or do I just leave our friendship in the past, and move on with my life? I mean, how many more times can I hear, “Yes, I’ll call you, I promise”?

What would you do in my situation? And what have you done with friends who fail to understand the importance of two-way communication?

It's National Singles Week!

Actually, it's officially "Unmarried and Single Americans Week" (an acknowledgment that many unmarried Americans do not identify with the word "single" because they are parents, have partners or are widowed) but National Singles Week has such a celebratory twang, doesn't it? Makes you want to go out and be single and mingle.

In honor of the week, I'd like to share some interesting and eye-opening singles stats, courtesy of our friends at the Census Bureau. Impress friends and family with your knowledge.

89.8 million: Number of unmarried and single Americans in 2005. This group comprised 41 percent of all U.S. residents age 18 and older.

54%: Percentage of unmarried and single Americans who are women.

60%: Percentage of unmarried and single Americans who have never been married. Another 25 percent are divorced and 15 percent are widowed.

14.9 million: Number of unmarried and single Americans age 65 and older. These older Americans comprise 14 percent of all unmarried and single people.

86: Number of unmarried men age 18 and older for every 100 unmarried women in the United States.

904: The number of dating service establishments nationwide as of 2002. These establishments, which include Internet dating services, employed nearly 4,300 people and pulled in $489 million in revenues.

29.9 million: Number of people who live alone. These persons comprise 26 percent of all households, up from 17 percent in 1970.

12.9 million: Number of single parents living with their children in 2005. Of these, 10.4 million are single mothers.

4.9 million: Number of unmarried-partner households in 2005. These households consist of a householder living with someone of the opposite sex who was identified as their unmarried partner.

36%: Percentage of voters in the 2004 presidential election who were unmarried.

82%: Percentage of unmarried people age 25 or older in 2004 who were high school graduates.

23%: Percentage of unmarried people age 25 or older with a bachelor’s degree or more education.

Wait 3 days before calling?

Deirdre: I was chatting with a close male friend about a chick he was about to start dating, and I said something I never thought I would.
Alisha: Let's set up a dating profile together online? [smile]
Deirdre: Ew. NO.
Deirdre: He had talked to this chick and he was gonna call her the very next day to set up a date. I blurted out, “No way! You can’t call her the next day! It’ll look like you’re desperate.” I never knew I was a follower of the Rules when it comes to who calls whom, and when.
Alisha: Oh boy, I can see where this is going. What rules? Where's Moses and his 10 Commandments of Dating? Why do we need rules to govern our heart? So when did you tell your friend he should call her? Let me guess ... three days later?
Deirdre: No, I told him to wait two days.
Alisha: By then, your friend's hot girl will have found another beau to kiss on.
Deirdre: Dang, it’s only two days! If she found another dude that quick, maybe he doesn’t need to get with her. But my reasoning: One day you look desperate; three days you look like you don’t care. Two days is juuuuuuust right.
Alisha: So, you meet someone. You two hit it off. The conversation is great. The chemistry is right. The butterflies in your stomach can't stop fluttering. You part ways. And then, you're telling me you have to wait two looooooong days just to talk with that person again? Why delay the inevitable?
Deirdre: Girl, why you always gotta make it hard for me? It’s not that simple. If it happened the way you just described, I would be bummed if he didn’t call the next day. If the chemistry and connection are that strong, neither one of us should be able to wait to talk to each other again. But the two-day thing -- that’s safe.
Alisha: Picking up the phone is harmless. I say you both know if you hit it off and there shouldn't be restrictions. This three-day, two-day, once a lady crap is just that: crap.
Deirdre: Tell us how you REALLY feel, Alisha.
Alisha: You're telling me that two people are going to know exactly when and what time to call each other -- exactly two or three days later? Why complicate matters?
Deirdre: Actually, I’m making it simple. Calling within the first few days is totally acceptable -- and in the game that men and women, and men and men, and women and women play, you’re not showing too much of your hand, so to speak, if you call within that time frame. It’s when you mess up and wait more than a week that matters get complicated.
Alisha: That's the truth. Gosh, the difference between two days and seven days is an eternity! Bottom line - if you're digging someone and you're fairly certain they dug you, then pick up the phone and tell him or her that. Life's too short to be put on hold just because some silly rule says you should.
Deirdre: Um, but don’t act too fast, or the other person might think you’re a stalker. It’s a fine line. Even you can see that, can’t you?
Alisha: Yes, I see that, accept it and understand it. Doesn't make waiting two or three days gospel. Do you think a man or a woman came up with that asinine rule?
Deirdre: Well, it had to be a man, because for the longest time men were the accepted dating aggressors. Now, though, many women wouldn’t even blink before asking a guy for his number. And this is where it can get interesting: the phone number. Which number did you give out when you and your hubby started dating? Your home or cell phone number?
Alisha: I gave him my home number. And even my real name, believe it or not.
Deirdre: Thank you! I’m all about giving the home phone number if I really click with a man. You can give any critter your cell number just to get him to go away (and a fake cell number at that). But I think there’s a level of intimacy that comes with giving a person your home phone number. Unless you don’t have a land line, of course.
Alisha: Finally, something we agree on: Home phones = serious potential flame. Cell phones = possible, if the stars and moon align right, then you might get lucky.
Deirdre: Think back to when you were dating. If you gave a guy your number and he didn’t call until a week-10 days later, would you still give him a chance?
Alisha: You know how long it's been since I was single? Going on seven years! Let me think. If he called 10 days later, sure, I'd still talk with him if I was interested. And I'd also wonder why he took so long.
Deirdre: Sister, a man would have to do some serious talking to get me interested again! I have to refer to “He’s Just Not That Into You” when I say that if you’re really interested in someone, you will make the time to talk to them, no matter what. After a week, I’m thinking dude just ain’t all that interested.
Alisha: Evidently there's a common denominator between 10 days and 0 days for you, and that's um, what, two days? Silly rubbish if you ask me. If you're into someone, call them when the mood hits. Don't wait.
Deirdre: Heh. You’d better NOT wait.

Whitney is free at last!

And I know what most of us are thinking: "It's about @!%#$& time!" Right?

(Don't know what I'm talking about? Read this.)

This is a photo of Whitney Houston with her soon-to-be-ex husband Bobby Brown at one of his many court hearings for vulgar stage behavior, or violating parole, or some fight or some car wreck or some drug-related incident. Whatever. (Dude probably has his lawyer's number tattooed on a bicep, so he'll never lose it.)

I sat down to write a scathing entry about Whitney's wasted years, about her descent into appearing (and probably being) cracked-out and crazy, but as I look at this photo, all that venom just drains away. Because you know what? Even though it took her 14 years, the sister finally got away. She grabbed her purse and her child and went to California, where she's working on a new album. If her voice ain't totally shot from all the years of her doin' whatever she's been doin', she might have a chance at comeback success.

Ultimately, I think what got Whitney into this mess was something a lot of chicks struggle with: The allure of the Bad Boy. Let's face it, few guys are as bad as Bobby baby-daddy-uncontrollable-pelvis-too-good-for-New-Edition-ever-sweating-King-of-R&B (Not!) Brown. And once she hitched herself to his downhill-careening wagon, she did what, again, lots of chicks would do: She stood by her man, stubbornly refusing to see what a mess he really was, even when he reportedly hit her.

She made a lot -- A LOT -- of bad decisions. She refused the help of friends and family. She brought up her child in what, from our viewpoint, looked like sketchy conditions that probably would have gotten a regular kid snatched away and put in foster care. She allowed anyone with a strong enough stomach to watch "Being Bobby Brown" know that he helped her with particularly difficult bowel movements.

In other words, she shamed herself -- and her momma, and her cousin, Dionne Warwick.

But now ...

She's extricating herself from a jacked-up relationship. She's hopefully seeing a therapist and getting herself clean. She's trying to get her career going again.

At the base of it all, Whitney Houston is a woman who did a lot wrong that she is trying to make right. I'm willing to send her good vibes and hope for the best.

Lesson in love found at the cafeteria

Once a week I take my grandmother to dialysis, and then four hours later, I pick her up. As a treat for her going through such an ordeal and because she’s often too weak to cook, we have a weekly stand-in date at the K&W Cafeteria.

If you’ve ever gone to the K&W and the median age of the clientele is 25 years older than you, then you’re obviously at the K&W way too early in the afternoon.

So Tuesday’s dinner date was a lesson in love – geriatric style.

In the middle of digesting my watermelon, I saw a couple at a nearby table. She was dressed in a purple cardigan with red roses, he in khaki shorts and black socks.

Something caught my eye. It wasn’t the pyramid of coffee creamers stacked five deep or the matching pill organizers – in yellow no less. What caught me off guard was this loving couple, enjoying a 4 o’clock meal while holding hands under the table.

The image of their wrinkly hands gripped together ever so slightly while the world passed them by was so pure and so sweet.

Simple lesson for the day: Love endures, and it shows in the smallest of gestures.

Let's talk about sex

Alisha: Last week, I interviewed Lisa Terrell, a certified sex therapist, marital counselor and owner of Lydia's Loom Counseling in Charlotte. She told me about an interesting concept.
Deirdre: Let's hear it.
Alisha: Charlotte Sexual Health is hosting a weekend getaway for couples, Sept. 22-24. It's designed to renew passion, and to facilitate learning more about each other on an intimate level.
Deirdre: Cool idea, if people can get their spouses to go along with it.
Alisha: Why wouldn’t they be interested?
Deirdre: I think the majority of people think their sex lives are meant only for their bedrooms.
Deirdre: In the dark. At night. Under covers. When the kids are asleep.
Alisha: But, there won't be any kids at this retreat, and this getaway will not be a group of people trying out some funky Kama Sutra-type of group exercises. It's about learning how to keep up the spark.
Deirdre: But I think lots of people are skittish about talking about sex, don't you? Even with their partners.
Alisha: It's a good idea to break out of our comfort zones. Most of the "therapy" will be among a small group of people who are there for similar reasons. Who wouldn't want to spend three days focusing on their sex life?
Deirdre: Ooooh, I'm not down with the group therapy thing. It's hard enough for people to open up to a therapist on their own. But then you add your spouse and some total strangers, and you're expected to candidly discuss your sex life? I think that's too much to ask.
Alisha: You wouldn't find it comforting to know other people have some of the same problems you have? You know, wives who are "never in the mood," or husbands who suffer from rapid ejaculation or couples whose kids sleep with them more than they sleep with each other? It would definitely make me feel less isolated.
Deirdre: If anyone does any research about their issues (or just reads the Cosmo headlines) they'll find other people suffer from the same problems. So that argument doesn't fly with me.
Alisha: Who has time to do research? If you and your partner take the time to get away from the kids, the office, the in-laws, etc., then you're facing your sexual problems head-on. And, there’s an important point: Often, one partner has an issue, and the other doesn't see it or chooses not to recognize it. All the research in the world can't change the state of things, unless you actively do something about it.
Deirdre: It doesn't take long to visit a library, do an online search, read a magazine article or ask your doctor during a physical. It's about priorities. Then again, that's what I like about this seminar: It's concentrated time for couples who have made their sex lives a priority. I'm just saying the group part might be uncomfortable for some, that's all.
Deirdre: Did Lisa say if most people come to her sessions as preemptive strikes -- couples looking to strengthen an already strong sexual relationship -- or when couples have agreed they're in trouble?
Alisha: She said it's a mix of both; however, she said once many couples' sexual crisis is over, they are not as interested in more counseling.
Deirdre: Couples don’t take the next step of learning how to make what's good even better?
Alisha: Face it, it's easy to fix an issue and then forget about it because, well, it’s no longer a problem. For many, sex isn't a priority.
Deirdre: Why is that, do y'think, old married lady? (wink)
Alisha: Time+work+kids+stress+life=No sex. Geez, sounds like a future Woody Allen film.
Deirdre: But our culture is so sex-drenched. Is it possible we're becoming bored with sex?
Deirdre: Or is everyone reading this choking on Coke or coffee as they burst out laughing at the absurdity of that statement?
Alisha: Bored isn't the word.
Deirdre: Desensitized?
Alisha: To some, it's no longer important to cultivate intimacy. Some think, “Hey, I've got the ring, I've got the house, I've got the hot husband. Why do I need to learn how to have better sex?”
Deirdre: Uh, to enjoy the hot husband even more? If you're going to be together for years, why not learn how to enjoy each other?
Deirdre: People who get bored may stray. Or be miserable. That's a big chunk of your life to give up on.
Alisha: When you marry, you commit to be with that person forever, and it's hard to tell the one you love, "Hey, sex with you is boring and lifeless," without hurt feelings or perhaps more serious repercussions. This is one reason why the sexual health weekend is a great idea. Two people can discuss their sex lives openly and honestly in a neutral environment.
Alisha: It takes two people to have sex. And, it takes two people to solve the problem.
Alisha: I would love to go on this sexual health weekend with my husband, but the price is a bit steep for those of us on a limited budget. The basic weekend package is $495 (cheaper options are available, though).
Deirdre: Girl, therapy doesn't come cheap.
Alisha: We did say it’s all about priorities, right?

Let the past stay past

Readers, I did something I never thought I'd do.

I Googled the One Who Got Away.

Surely I'm not the only one who's done it -- Googled an old boyfriend, an ex-lover, a high school crush, just to find out where they are. What they're doing.

If they're single.

Not that we would do anything with that information, of course. Except I almost did. His address and phone number came up, and for a few long seconds, I considered calling him.

But wait. The One Who Got Away also happens to be The One I Made a Total Fool of Myself Over, in addition to being The Jerk of the Universe. Don't most of us have one of those in our past? The guy or gal who treated us so bad, yet we still hung around, thinking they'd change (they never do) or they'd realize the error of their ways (never happened) and beg our forgiveness (only in our dreams)? They had such an impact on us that every now and then we still think about them, and wonder where they are.

Well, mine popped into my head unbidden, and my fingers typed his name almost by reflex. He wasn't that hard to find; within seconds I had his address and phone number (scary, but true). I looked at the phone.

And I remembered.

I remembered that I'd had more bad times than good with him. I remembered the friendships that ended because of him. I remembered the woman I was when I was around him -- she was a woman I did not like. She was a woman I haven't been in a long time.

So I clicked off the Google screen and continued web surfing. Some people are better left in the past.

It's me or the TV, buddy

Ladies, it’s time to go shopping.

Is 1 p.m. on Sunday good for you? We can go to SouthPark or perhaps Concord Mills. Let’s make it an all-day affair, what do you say?

You just can’t go home. It’s lonely there. The nachos and beer will receive more attention than you will. Resist the temptation.

Why, you ask?

Sunday marks the first full day of the 2006 NFL season.

[Cue the 100-watt light bulb] Ah, now you get it! It’s all clear.

You should just tell your remote control you’ll see it again sometime midweek when Paula Deen and her boys are cooking. Kiss the kids on Sunday, and tell them the kiss came from Daddy – he’s just a little preoccupied, um, the entire day (and possibly Monday at 9 p.m.). Oh, and don’t forget to bring the credit cards for our little shopping spree, because he wouldn't notice you strutting around the 55-inch TV wearing a see-through negligee, much less the card bill.

Almost nothing preoccupies a day in a man’s life like that of pro football on Sundays.
It amazes me, and I’m a sports journalist. I can sit in front of the tube and watch six to seven hours of football, but then I need a little break. My husband? I have to check to see if he's growing moss as he sprawls unmoving on the couch.

Is it a heavy strain on our relationship? No, not really, but I can relate. It’s frustrating when I’m staring at a sink full of dirty dishes that never seem to get washed if it's the day after Saturday. Also, I never get to hold the remote.

For some relationships, one person’s addictive habit for television sports or daily Oprah-watching (men aren’t all to blame – as much as we’d like to think so) is a divisive issue that oftentimes leads to couch therapy for a lucky contestant later that night.

How do you deal with a partner who accidentally calls you Suzy (as in Kolber)? What do you say to the wife who tells you that if you love her, you’d sit and watch every episode of “Laguna Beach” with her?

You have two choices. You continuously fight back and resist your partner’s passion, hence causing constant unhappiness, or … you go shopping.

So, is Sunday at 1 p.m. good for you? I’ll buy the first caramel macchiato.

Love them, love their kids

Right before I moved to Charlotte a year ago, I was strolling down a sidewalk in Oakland, Calif., headed for the door to my gym. Now, I'm not one of those chicks who tries to look cute during workouts; I wear faded T-shirts, beat-up leggings and I usually don't even comb my hair. So imagine my surprise when I heard a "Yo, 'scuse me. 'Scuse me!"

I glanced over in surprise to find a guy piloting his car slowly down the street, keeping pace with me. "Yes?" I said, assuming he wanted directions.

"You got any kids?" he asked.

"What?" I answered, thinking I must've misheard him.

"Sons," he said loudly. "Do you have sons?"

"Uh, no."

"You got a good memory?" he responded.

Where was he going with this? "Sure," I said.

"Then remember this," he said, and proceeded to give me his phone number. After he had me repeat it back to him and I solemnly promised to remember it (riiiiight - the number was forgotten by the time I took my next step), he sped up and headed off.

After I got over the fact that I had just been hit on as I headed to the gym on a Sunday morning ("He shoulda been in church," my mom would've muttered), it hit me what had really happened.

Dude didn't want to know if I was married. Dude didn't even want to know my name. Dude just wanted to know if I had kids. And when I didn't, I was suitable for a hook-up.

I'm sure many of you have had similar experiences where you were immediately accepted or discarded, depending on your child status. And I will admit that I used to be one of those people doing the accepting and discarding.

"I will NEVER date a man who has a kid," I vehemently swore for years. It was the ultimate deal-breaker: parenthood. No way would I ever have children, I told myself. I hated kids, and kids hated me right back. Babies cried when they took one look at me. I didn't have the patience for youngsters and their endless questions, and as only child, didn't have much experience.

But then I started going out with a man who was cute, fun, clever and never failed to make me laugh. He was divorced with weekend custody of his 8-year-old daughter. A voice inside kept telling me not to get involved with a man who had a child, but we had such a great time together that I kept seeing him. We fell for each other ... and I fell for the kid, too.

In the process, I learned a lot about myself. While it's true that I don't want children of my own, I was lying to myself when I said I hated kids. In reality, I was afraid of them - afraid of their boundless energy (how could I keep up?) and those endless questions (what if I don't know the answers?). Babies cried when they saw me because everything about me - facial expression, body posture, the tone of my voice - screamed "KEEP AWAY!!" But that little girl, with her open, honest face and love of sports and pink nail polish, quickly won me over.

I no longer see that guy; in fact, he has remarried and now has two kids. But you know what? Babies love me. They reach for me and gurgle at the goofy faces I make. I can have conversations with elementary schoolers and laugh at their corny jokes and accept their spontaneous hugs. And I would have no problem dating other dads.

For all of you out there who still have children on your list of deal-breakers, I totally understand. I'll be the first to say I'd rather be with a man who doesn't have kids. But in this day and age, with the steady divorce rate and rising number of single moms and dads, it would be pretty easy to miss out on an awesome person simply because they also happen to be an awesome parent.

Words of wisdom, if that's what you want to call it

There’s giving advice and then there’s knocking you over the head with it.

If you’re married, you know what I’m talking about. We married folk are inundated with words of "wisdom" throughout the engagement, the big event and the first year of wedded bliss.

Don’t get me wrong – advice is good, and where would we be if we didn’t learn from other’s mistakes and experiences?

However, some “advice” is silly, outdated and just plain stupid. If you take a few minutes to look back on what your family and friends said before you got married, you would laugh at some of the absurdity, too.

For the sake of this blog, I went through the hundreds of cards my husband and I received pre-and post-wedding, and I’d like to share a few. Card writer’s names have been withheld to protect the innocent and ignorant – including my single girlfriend who wrote in a wedding shower card that she hoped my husband and I have sex every night for as long as we’re married. Ha! That’s some funny stuff!

Five that stood out:

Card 1: “Happy Engagement! Now you get to plan: the dress, shoes, tuxes, flowers, churches, dinners … or you could just elope!
Me: Not sure if you know my parents, but eloping after I just paid a couple thousand for the photographer was NOT an option.

Card 2: “You’re wedding is gonna rock. We can’t wait!”
Me: Um, you didn’t even bother to show up! And what, exactly, is your idea of “gonna rock?” Last I checked, Lynyrd Skynyrd wasn’t booked as the wedding band.

Card 3: “Best of luck.”
Me: Hey honey, help me remember – did we get married at the Bellagio in Vegas? She might as well have added “break a leg.”

Card 4: “I chose Target instead of Dick’s Sporting Goods in selecting your shower gift. We hope that’s OK, and you can find use for this.”
Me: Yeah, because there’s a big difference between a dart board from Target and a dart board from a sporting goods shop? We’ll take it.

Card 5: “Richard, after this big recipe shower, Alisha has no excuses for not putting a home-cooked meal on the table every night! (Alisha – just kidding!)”
Me: I don’t believe Richard ever saw the “just kidding” part. Thanks … thanks a lot!

Readers, did you receive any words of wisdom that seemed silly at the time – or heck, just dumb?

Do we have soul mates?

Deirdre: Let's talk about soul mates, since our society is so into them right now. If you watch TV at all, it's hard to escape those eHarmony commercials with that creepy-looking dude pushing his site as the place to find your soul mate. I will admit those commercials are seductive -- even to me, an avowed online-dating avoider -- but their emphasis on finding a soul mate is unfair and misleading, I think.
Alisha: How is it misleading? You can find your soul mate anywhere, even online (gasp!), but it's that stupid song eHarmony uses that really grates on my nerves!
Deirdre: The site is telling people if you use it you'll find your soul mate -- when in reality it's a dating web site like all the others. And a person can have many soul mate-type people in their lives, don't you think?
Alisha: So, are we discussing the merits of eHarmony or do we want to get down and dirty on the topic of soul mates? ... If it's soul mates, I say there are different types of soul mates out there, as well as many people who could fit the definition of a soul mate. I have married someone I consider to be mine, but I also think everyone has a few people in this world they could call their soul mate.
Deirdre: Let's save eHarmony for another conversation. I'm just worried that as a culture, we're too concerned with finding that one soul mate when we have people in our lives who we have a deep connection with. It doesn't have to be that one person. Talk about pressure!
Alisha: Please, someone stop the David Bowie music. Seriously though, people should still seek out that perfect someone. Isn't that what we dreamed of as little girls? Someone who trusts us, who longs to grow old with us and live life hand-in-hand?
Deirdre: That's my point! We're programmed to believe Prince Charming is going to come along and sweep us off our feet, and we'll live happily ever after. And we'll never fight or never have a bad day or never outgrow one another, or never have a problem in the world.
Alisha: Certainly no one informed us Prince Charming could suffer from alcoholism or that Charming's mother never taught him how to balance a checkbook. That doesn't diminish the fact that Mr. Charming could still be our soul mate.
Deirdre: But why do we have to have soul mates? Can't we just have indispensable people in our lives? Why must there be a ... category, for lack of a better word?
Alisha: Indispensable? We're talking about people here. A category helps delineate between friends and lovers. A category, such as a soul mate, gives depth to that relationship. It's no longer about just "hanging out with your friend," it's about "sharing your life, day in and day out" with another person.
Deirdre: That's where we disagree. I don't think that just because you have a strong connection with someone that you have to share your life with them, day in and day out. I would consider my friend Kara to be a soul mate, even though in the past we've gone weeks, if not months without speaking or e-mailing. But when we do talk, it's like a day hasn't gone by. We care about each other and are in each other's thoughts, and we know that. I know we'll still be the best of friends when we're 80, because we have that connection.
Alisha: I view soul mates as lovers, not friends. I have best friends like your friend Kara, but I don't consider them to be soul mates; they're my lifelong friends.
Deirdre: That's why I question why there has to be a "title."
Alisha: Soul mates = lovers. Friends = friends.
Deirdre: Soul mates = people you connect with who stay with you, even when they're not "with" you. Why is there a delineation for you?
Alisha: It gets down to the essence of lovemaking when you give everything you have to the person you're with. The physical connection isn't the same over a cup of joe and Wi-Fi with your best friend at Starbucks.
Deirdre: So you think a physical connection is as strong a component as a mental and emotional one.
Alisha: It all plays a part. Wikipedia's definition of soul mate: "Soul mate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a subjective, emotional feeling of deep affinity, friendship, love, strong intimacy or compatibility." Physical, mental, emotional all play into connecting with your soul mate.
Deirdre: So if you connect on all those levels with someone, except you're both straight and don't get physical, in your mind you're not soul mates.
Alisha: Right on.
Deirdre: I offer Wikipedia's definition of the soul: "The soul, according to many religious and philosophical traditions, is a self-aware ethereal substance particular to a unique living being. In these traditions the soul is thought to incorporate the inner essence of each living being." So really, to be soul mates, the physical isn't so crucial. Which is why, to me, a person's essence, and my connection with that essence, is what makes that person my soul mate. I feel I have several -- and am physically intimate with none of them.
Alisha: Deirdre and I will have to agree to disagree. I say soul mates are people you connect with on a multitude of levels, and they're more lovers than friends. She says you can find many soul mates in life, be it friends or lovers. Readers, what's your definition of a soul mate, and is there more than just one out there for you?

Good for J.Lo!

Here's Jennifer Lopez with her hubby of two years, singer Marc Anthony, at the MTV Video Music Awards last night in New York.

Now, disregarding the fact that J.Lo is A) wearing what looks like a sequined pillowcase on her head, B) sporting thigh-high boots which, like leggings, should have stayed in the past and never come back and C) in general looks like a drag queen version of herself, I have to say I'm impressed with this duo. Given J.Lo's track record, I never expected them to stay hitched this long. (Especially when you remember how they got together -- they married, like, hours after his divorce from a former Miss Universe was final.)

But since she's been with Marc, our Jennifer has calmed down -- not so many tarted-up tromps down the red carpet, not so many US Weekly covers, not so many pseudo-songs on the radio airwaves and in the clubs. She seems to spend most of her time with Marc, working on projects -- recently, filming the movie "El Cantante" -- and squealing like a teenie bopper when he sings to her during his concerts. The most shocking rumor she's had to deny is that she's pregnant with her husband's baby. (But with the current Hollywood baby craze, I fully expect that to change.)

All in all, this seems to be a marriage that agrees with La Lopez. I approve.

Relationships that just won't go away

On Tuesday, I cried.

It wasn’t because I bounced a check or because my alma mater doesn’t have a football team (ahem, UNC Charlotte).

I had tasted banana. And so, I cried.

These were tears of sadness scrambled with tears of happiness over a relationship I still hold dear in my heart, one that abruptly ended a year and six months ago.

I love the sweet flavor of banana. And how I miss my grandfather.

You see, my grandmother came out of the bank on Tuesday with her deposit slip and two suckers. Both were flavored banana. I took mine, unwrapped the paper, and the blanket of feelings enveloped me like morning fog setting in over a low-lying bridge.

Tasting the banana flavor took me back to never-ending summer days when my grandfather (or Pawpaw, as my sister and I preferred) carried us off to the Kannapolis Dairy Queen for ice cream. He picked banana, and so did I.

The banana is insignificant, but memories are a permanent imprint of our past relationships. We all have them; those remnants left by a relationship either ended by choice or by a higher being.

Those little reminders have a way of affecting our senses. When I smell spearmint gum, it makes me think of an ex-boyfriend who seemed to have an endless supply of it. When I hear a woman whistling in the kitchen, I long to have my great-grandma just a whistlin’ in hers again. When I see signs promoting the upcoming N.C. State Fair, I see myself at age 13 chasing boys up and down the midway with my best friend, who I haven't seen in five years.

It’s funny how those past relationships, the good ones and the bad, crop up in the most unlikely places and at the most inconvenient times. Those bonds are forever a part of us, and the little reminders serve their purpose – as mile markers on the road of life.

I know I won’t forget tasting banana on Tuesday.

Maybe next time I do, I’ll cry.

Tricky question of the tab, Part 2

I wish it were as simple as "we both ate dinner/watched the same movie/heard the same band, so let's split the bill" when two people are out on a date. But let's face it. It's not.

I almost got into a screaming argument with one of my best friends about this topic. She'd been out on dinner dates with two different men in the same week. One had paid for dinner; the other had not. She was miffed that the one dude had asked how they were going to handle the bill.

"The man always pays on the first few dates. You offer to pay, he turns you down, and then he pays," she explained.

"But it doesn't have to be that way," I protested. "The guy doesn't always have to pay."

"Yes, he does," she responded.

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes, he does."

"No, he doesn't."

"YES. HE DOES," she nearly shouted through gritted teeth.

"But why?" I near-whined. "That doesn't make sense."

"Because that's the way it's done," she answered, as if that explained everything.

Because that's the way it's done. No matter how far we think we've come as men and women, no matter how much technology changes the dating landscape, no matter how much we want things to be different, ultimately it all comes down to that statement. Because that's the way it's done.

The steps of the mating dance are more complex than ever, and I could argue that the money mambo is the most complicated of all. I can't speak for most women (certainly not our feisty readers!), but I will use myself as an example. I've supported myself for a long time. I plan my life with the hope that I'll one day have someone to share it with ... but I'm not placing all my bets on that horse, if you know what I'm sayin'. And when I go out on dates I don't feel comfortable letting the guy pay all the time. However, I like to feel like I'm special and I like the idea of a man taking care of me, even if it's only a meal every now and then.

Also, my friend has a point: because that's how it's done. Society ingrains in us that single men and women are supposed to act a certain way. The man is the aggressor and he likes the chase. It's the woman's job to be chased, but more importantly, to be caught without being obvious about it. We have our roles -- our Rules -- that, in varying degrees, affect the way we act in relationships. And you if say those roles and Rules don't exist anymore, you're fooling yourself. Are we as a society changing them? You bet, a little every day. But we're not gonna stop dating until we've worked it all out.

So, if I'm out with a guy on a first date and I reach for my purse when the bill comes, do I want him to stop me? My answer is complicated.

Yes, I want him to stop me, because it shows he's not cheap. Yes, I want him to stop me, because it shows that -- on the surface, anyway -- he's a gentleman. Yes, I want him to stop me if I'm into him, and this is a little sign that he might be into me.

No, I don't want him to stop me if we're friends. No, I don't want him to stop me if I invited him and I picked the place. No, I don't want him to stop me if we didn't click and I know this is going to be our only date.

The money mambo: Even if you know the steps, how well you do it depends on your partner. All we can do is keep dancing.

Who should pick up the tab?

Since we're on the topic of early intimacy and first dates, I might as well throw out another important question: Who's supposed to pay for the date?

There are at least half a dozen scenarios: guy asks girl to go out, so guy should pay for it all; two men (or women) meet at a bar and hit it off, so they share their tabs; or hey, it’s 2006 and the woman makes $90,000 and can easily buy dinner and drinks at Morton’s.

According to a survey conducted by the dating service It’s Just Lunch, out of 3,597 singles, 82 percent of single men say the man always pays for a first date when set up by friends. However, 46 percent of single women believe the bill should be split evenly between the two parties.

My opinion? No matter who asked who or either person's salary, the entire date should be split right down the middle. It’s all about 50-50, folks (and this goes beyond the first date and into marriage). You’re both on the date, so why shouldn’t you both be expected to empty out your pockets?

Your opinion?

Gettin' busy early on

Alisha: We wanted to chat about early intimacy, right?
Deirdre: Yes. I think it's something that can make or break a burgeoning relationship. Mostly break it.
Alisha: What's your definition of early intimacy? Even Bill Clinton had his own ideas.
Deirdre: Anything physical. We're talking anything from kisses to full-on sex. And unlike Bill Clinton, I say oral sex is sex.
Alisha: Yes, it is. And early intimacy is tricky. If there's a spark and both understand the repercussions, then go for it.
Deirdre: This is where we disagree. I advocate no kissing, even, on the first date. If we're talking about you're out and you see someone you want and they want you and you decide to have a one-night stand, well, that's your business and none of mine. But if two people are out on a date, exploring whether they might want to have a second, or a third, then I think passionate make-outs or sex at the beginning is a bad idea.
Alisha: Have you ever gone shopping for a new car? Did you take it for a test drive?
Deirdre: Girl, we're talking about people, not machinery! You're going to have to try harder than that.
Alisha: A test drive is a test drive; you're not signing your name to the contract! As long as it's two consenting adults, and there's some communication before you take the plunge, then what's the problem? Early intimacy isn’t always the death knell for a future relationship.
Deirdre: OK, you mentioned communication. How would that conversation go? Assuming you've just met.
Alisha: Let's set the scene: A man and a woman meet for dinner. For dessert, they take a moon-lit walk around the city lake, holding hands. There's a strong physical attraction. Man takes woman home and their eyes linger for ages on the front porch as they kiss ...
Alisha: Then, woman asks man (or vice versa): "Before we proceed, how do you think tonight went and do you see us meeting for future dates? And, do we understand what we're about to do next?"
Deirdre: Talk about throwing cold water on a hot moment! Do you know anyone that has actually worked for?
Alisha: Sure. Me.
Alisha: We’re not talking about Gettysburg Address-type communication. Ensuring you're on the same page would be helpful.
Deirdre: I agree. But how many people take that mature step? How many people have you known where the woman is like, "well, if I want him to like me, I'd better sleep with him ..." And the guy is like, "SCORE!" and not even thinking about tomorrow?
Alisha: How many people are divorced? Is it OK to answer a question with a question?
Deirdre: What does the divorce rate have to do with this?
Alisha: Life is about risks and rewards. If you're going to say you cannot kiss or involve further intimacy on every first date, you could be missing out.
Deirdre: On what?
Alisha: Excitement, exploration and emotional bonds.
Deirdre: Because you save physical interaction until the next time you meet? I doubt that.
Alisha: How is not kissing on the first date going to forever alter the next date? It's not.
Deirdre: I think it could. You're just getting to know each other. Adding physical stuff at the beginning could muddle things. Besides, people have to learn each other's bodies and what they like. A horrible first kiss could turn someone off, and they could miss out on a good thing by writing the other person off too soon.
Alisha: Hello! Your kissing ability doesn't change from week to week. If the first kiss is horrible, then you won’t be coming back for seconds. I'd rather know my partner is a horrible kisser from the get-go than get five dates in (and wasted money and energy) and be turned off by their lack of ability.
Deirdre: You could be nervous, or, you could be doing it for the wrong reason (because you feel like you have to, not because you want to). All of that affects lip ability and tongue control. (smile)
Deirdre: And if you're enjoying each other's company, it's not a waste of money or energy.
Alisha: Thanks for bringing the conversation back to: "what does this have to do with the divorce rate?" ... Too many people settle for a bad kisser or a bad lover because they enjoy spending time with their partner. However, a few years pass and one partner has an urge to be with a great kisser or a great lover, and that's where infidelity and unhappiness might rear its ugly head.
Deirdre: Oh, I agree with everything you just said! I just feel like people rush the physical side of things when they should be getting to know each other's minds, not bodies. And there's something to be said for the sexiness of anticipation.
Alisha: I'll just adopt the motto: Must take for a test drive.
Deirdre: And I'll say drive slowly until you know where you're going.
Now, comments are welcome, readers, but please keep them clean!

First date aid

I'm on a dating hiatus right now (which I know I'll have to end soon, or you'll all start fussing at me -- "How can you write about relationships if you're not even in one?"), but that doesn't mean I've stopped doing my homework. Cosmo editor Kate White has an informative book out with an eye-catching title: "How To Set His Thighs On Fire: 86 Red-Hot Lessons on Love, Life, Men, and (Especially) Sex." She offers solid advice in it, including help for what many of us single folk probably dread the most: the first date.

Kate (I can call her Kate, 'cause I feel like we're friends) says: "No matter how well you click with a guy, early on in a relationship there can be clunky conversational moments when a topic has run its course and your brain suddenly freezes. You can't think of one single thing to say, and he seems momentarily tongue-tied as well."

I've been there, and it's ugly, people.

Kate offers a roundup of her favorite questions, and I think they're pretty good ones. Not only will they keep the conversation going, but the answers give you more insight into the person than a banal "So, whaddaya think about this weather? Pretty sticky, huh?" ever could. But be careful, Kate warns: "Just don't ask them all at once or he'll think you're trying to play Barbara Walters."

1. What's the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?
2. Where do you want to visit before you die?
3. What movie do you never get tired of watching?
4. What's your favorite time of the day?
5. If you could have dinner with anyone, whom would you choose?
6. Is there anything you're superstitious about?
7. If you had an extra hour each day, how would you spend it?
8. What day of your life would you like to live over again?
9. What's the craziest dare you've ever gone through with?
10. If you had to choose, would you rather be rich or famous?
11. Do you remember who taught you to ride a bike?

'Date Night' more than just one night of week

Most people look forward to the weekend; the parties, the clubs, the games and the lazy Sundays.

I look forward to Wednesday. Why? Wednesday nights are “date nights.”

My work schedule conflicts with my husband’s, which means rarely do we get a Friday and Saturday night together, unless you count our together time after 1 a.m. (when I usually arrive home from work – get your mind out of the gutter!).

“Date night” is special. It’s precious time when the two of us can relax and concentrate on just us. As newlyweds, (though I question if we’re really “newly”-weds when we’ve been together for six years) we can use the extra time to talk about our future – you know, the picket fence, the two cats and a dog, and the two children and a half.

My grandparents have a “date night.” They go to dinner and a movie every Friday. I’ve always admired their commitment to spending time together. As I grow older and wiser in the ways of married life, I realize marriage ain’t easy, and when you can set aside uninterrupted time for the two of you, that’s unique.

Richard and I change up the schedule when it comes to Wednesday night fun. Some times we do dinner and a movie. Other nights we go to concerts or hang out with friends at fine drinking establishments – you know the kind, ones with NTN trivia and $2 drinks. Sometimes we don’t have the cash flow to go all out, and so macaroni n’ cheese and the "Hoosiers" DVD works wonders, too.

I want to hear what activity you have for “date night.” And please, we all know sex is an activity, however, let’s hear what fun dates you and your partner have done or would like to do in the future.

Sky diving? Art museum? Comedy club? Give us some ideas on what kind of dates go beyond the dinner and a movie routine.

Spare us your MySpace divorce

Com·mu·ni·ca·tion [n] The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information.

The idea of communication can be thought of as a fairly easy-to-understand concept. However, communication within the confines of a structured relationship is as complex as the New York Times crossword puzzle.

This blog is about relationships, and communication is the slab of concrete needed to erect such foundations. So, the recurring theme will be communication. Get it? Got it? Good.

On that note, let’s talk about Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler.

The Blink 182 drummer and former Miss USA hit splitsville earlier this month and then aired their dirty laundry on their individual MySpace.com pages.

What happened to good, ol' fashioned “family talks” where mom sits at the kitchen table in her pink robe and dad paces the floor with Hulk-like steps and the family’s issues are dealt with at home?

I’m amazed the innovative ways people “communicate” their grievances.

Yes, officer, can you just e-mail me that speeding ticket to ahord@blackberry.com? I should have it in two minutes -- and you do take Paypal, right?

The fact Barker and Moakler used MySpace.com to settle – or dispute – their differences is absurd and downright childish. Surely they have enough money to pick up the phone or get their lawyers in for some mediation?

I say it’s time to grow up, Mr. Run-Naked-In-My-Videos Barker and Mrs. Playboy-Too-Dumb-For-MTV Moakler.

What do you think about this Hollywood couple using the popular Web site as a Dr. Phil session?

Dance for me, baby

I grew wistful as I examined photos from Friday's Argentine World Tango Championship in Buenes Aires, Argentina.

What a sexy dance. Have you ever tried it? I went through this phase a few years ago when I was really into ballroom and salsa dancing, and I attempted the Argentine tango. I think it may be the hardest dance ever, especially if you're a strong-willed woman. The hardest thing is to just relax and open your mind and allow your body to be led around the dance floor -- all the while trying not to be intimidated by the fact that you and your dance partner are close enough to merge DNA. I was always trying to guess what my partner was going to have me do next -- therefore, I could never do it, because I was too busy thinking about it.

Still, if I could choose the attributes of the perfect man for me, a love of dancing would be in the top five. I still remember how envious I felt when one of my best friends dreamily recounted stories of an ex who liked to pull her into his arms and twirl her around the living room to their favorite standards. (I already asked -- he's married to someone else and besides, he's too short for me.)

Meanwhile, it was the tragedy of my last boyfriend's life that he was born without, as he put it, the "dance gene." He adored soul music and hip-hop, but couldn't make his body do what he wanted on the dance floor. He had to get nearly stumbling drunk to even attempt to bust a move in public. It was sad. He wouldn't even sway to an Earth, Wind & Fire tune without a beer. As a result, when Deirdre went dancing, boyfriend stayed home.

How important is dancing to you? Is it a deal-breaker if your man or woman can't dance? Or would you settle for someone who simply has an appreciation for music and can kind of tap his or her toes to the beat?

My parting words for my first blog

Not all families are as close as mine. So I fully understand when I hear a daughter or a spouse leave a loved one and the farewell consists of a simple "see ya later," or perhaps "adios."

But, what if by some unfortunate circumstance, your loved one doesn’t live another day and the final words resounding in your head are, "Yo, holla at ya later, Ma"?

Love is a touchy subject. Some people live their entire lives never hearing the "L" word uttered from their parents' lips. How sad and how hollow a feeling that must be.

I learned at a young age to always say "I love you" (ILY) because I never knew when or if I would talk with that person again. Parting words are the fossils we leave behind.

But what if the big ILY is too mushy for your spouse to say front of his co-workers? You know what I’m talking about, ladies. You call your husband at work. He’s in a cubicle surrounded by big, burly, ball-scratching men. You say ILY and he mumbles a Neanderthal-like response, then quickly hangs up and tries to appear as though the entire conversation never took place for fear of severance from future male bonding.

At first, you think it’s your cell phone service breaking up. Then, you realize. He’s just a big wuss. Saying ILY in front of his buds is too sensitive. Fine. So what’s the answer?

Find another endearing phrase that lets others know what they mean to you. Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore found theirs in "Ghost" -- "ditto," and I say that works. So does "Hey, me too."

Do you and your loved ones have alternative phrases that stand in place for ILY? Should our spouses just suck it up and say the mushy words out loud – co-workers or no co-workers around?

I feel like we don’t put enough importance on telling others how much we care, even if we’re at work in tight quarters with hairy jocks as co-workers. So, stay classy Charlotte.
I love you.

Just ... because

One of life's little pleasures: A man who is not ashamed to carry his woman's purse. And so publicly, too! (Actor Mark Ruffalo arriving for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's annual installation luncheon at The Beverly Hills Hotel on Thursday. Love love LOVE him!!)

An inconsiderate engagement

First, a moment of silence for the demise of Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro’s marriage.

As my bio says, I believe there is someone out there for everyone, and I thought his freaky was a perfect match her deaky. But alas, it was not meant to last. And as for Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson, well, that split was really no surprise. As a friend said succinctly: "I say it's time for her to go out and find her own Kurt Russell." Amen to that. And cut her kid's hair while she's at it, before he gets mistaken for Coco Arquette or something.

Anyway. Moving on.

I got a call from one of my closest friends. She was so outraged, her voice was about three octaves above its normally high pitch. I’m sure dogs were howling all over her neighborhood.

The reason she was so upset was because a mutual male acquaintance of ours who's pushing 50 – I’ll call him "Inconsiderate Ian" – had just gotten engaged. What upset her was the way Ian went about it.

Ian was emceeing a fashion show in front of a big crowd in San Francisco. His off-and-on girlfriend of a decade (I won’t belittle her with a nickname; the poor child has already been through enough) was “on” at the time, and assisting him backstage. At one point Ian called her out onstage and, to her horror, gave this rambling speech about how they’d been together forever and it was about time he made an honest woman out of her, yada yada yada. Then he asked the crowd if there was a jeweler in the audience.

At this point in the story I was clutching invisible pearls at my throat and gasping, “you mean to tell me he didn’t even have a ring?!” But of course he had a jeweler come out from backstage with a ring on a pillow. Cue the audience cheers.

Sounds romantic, you say? Whaddaya guy, you say? Well, what upset my friend, and me – other than the situation was like that Jagged Edge song with the decidedly unromantic lyric: “Meet me at the altar in your white dress/We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it” – was how Ian went about the whole process. While his girlfriend is arm candy, she doesn’t like to be in front of crowds or make a public spectacle of herself. Inconsiderate Ian, on the other hand, LOVES the spotlight. His favorite place to be is at the center of attention. He loves big gestures and to show off. However, he knows his woman does not. So really, this very public engagement was about him, not his girlfriend and their relationship.

As my friend put it, and I agree: “I’m sure she would have much preferred it if he had taken her to her favorite restaurant and simply asked her over dinner.” Instead, he mortified her by asking her to marry him in front of a large – and very vocal – crowd. If the poor girl had said no (although she wasn’t going to; after all, she’d stuck it out for 10 years) she would have been the villain of San Francisco. Even the cute gay boys in the Castro wouldn’t have bought her a consoling drink.

But that’s not the worst of it! After the poor woman said yes and the deal was done, Ian decided he wanted to have an engagement party. This is where my friend called me.

“He sent me an invitation to his engagement party … IN AN E-MAIL!!” she shrieked, so loud that my cat, napping next to me, jumped. “Who invites people to an engagement party in an e-mail?

“And in this stupid e-mail,” she continued, “he tells everyone to bring a bottle of their favorite champagne to toast the bride and groom! How tacky is that?!”

VERY tacky. Not only is this man expecting people to show up for his engagement party (as if folks aren’t already gonna have to shell out for more parties and showers and wedding gifts and the like), he’s asking people to provide the liquor!

“If he can’t afford to pay for a party, then he shouldn’t HAVE a party,” my friend finished in a huff. But of course she’s going to said party, because she wants to see who else shows up and how the bride-and groom-to-be will behave.

I told her to take copious notes.

Kicking it off with an IM chat

Deirdre: So here we are, our first blog together. And it’s about relationships, one of my favorite topics. I’m STOKED.
Alisha: Bring it on! You know, I bet people are wondering what makes us qualified to write about relationships.
Deirdre: I bet you’re right! Well, for starters, we’ve both been in them. Relationships. And not just romantic ones, but friendships, our parents, our archenemies ...
And I’m fascinated by relationships of all kinds. I study people. If I weren’t a journalist, I’d probably be a psychologist. I read a lot about relationships -- books, magazine articles, online stuff. I’m obsessed with celeb hookups and breakups. I even watch those stupid dating reality shows on TV -- I cried when Trista chose Ryan on “The Bachelorette”!
Alisha: We’ve got some stories to share, that much is true. And as journalists, we tend to observe everything around us -- from the married couples who seem to have something missing in their lives, to our best girlfriends who have little black books, er, make that Blackberry, brimming with digits. Oh, girl -- who needs “The Bachelorette” when you can watch “Flavor of Love” and learn all you need to know about how NOT to have a healthy relationship?
Deirdre: Did you HAVE to bring up “Flavor of Love”? Some crazy chick lost control of her bowels in the first episode this season!
Alisha: Bowels? Get some Depends! I miss Hoopz. She was legit.
Deirdre: Hoopz wasn’t legit! She dumped Flav as soon as the show was over. But we digress. We were talking about how observant we are and we have stories to share. We also aren’t afraid to share our opinions, are we? I know I’m not afraid to say I think online dating is a badbadbad idea.
Alisha: I just hope my Mom and Dad won’t read too closely. Though, my parents know I met one of my ex-boyfriends online. You can weed out men through the Internet and not ever have to worry about them having your cell phone number. Jump in to 2006 with me, Deirdre!
Deirdre: I’m firmly in 2006, thank you! I have the gray hairs to show it. I just have a problem with online dating ... and people who break up via e-mail. That’s just tacky and cowardly.
Alisha: It’s not tacky if you haven’t been with a guy long enough to even know his middle name.
Sounds like there’s quite a few topics we don’t see eye-to-eye on and a few we do. Hey, why don’t we start a relationships blog? [smile]
Deirdre: Gee, what a great idea, Alisha! And questions and comments from readers are welcome, right?
Alisha: More than welcome. Please give us advice and ideas.
Alisha: OK, that sounds way too desperate. But you get the idea.
Deirdre: Also, anyone and everyone is fair game -- especially us! I still haven’t decided if I’ll tell my Mom about this blog, so you know I’m gonna spill some good stuff. I’m just glad none of my exes live around here.
Alisha: They’re always available via e-mail, in case you want to break up with them again?
Deirdre: SO not funny. I’m done with you today.
Alisha: Fine, be that way. Who needs to sit and discuss the merits of online dating when you obviously don’t appreciate the value of flirting while sitting at home on your laptop, in your robe and eating bon-bons? Looking forward to more discussion!