Gettin' busy early on

Alisha: We wanted to chat about early intimacy, right?
Deirdre: Yes. I think it's something that can make or break a burgeoning relationship. Mostly break it.
Alisha: What's your definition of early intimacy? Even Bill Clinton had his own ideas.
Deirdre: Anything physical. We're talking anything from kisses to full-on sex. And unlike Bill Clinton, I say oral sex is sex.
Alisha: Yes, it is. And early intimacy is tricky. If there's a spark and both understand the repercussions, then go for it.
Deirdre: This is where we disagree. I advocate no kissing, even, on the first date. If we're talking about you're out and you see someone you want and they want you and you decide to have a one-night stand, well, that's your business and none of mine. But if two people are out on a date, exploring whether they might want to have a second, or a third, then I think passionate make-outs or sex at the beginning is a bad idea.
Alisha: Have you ever gone shopping for a new car? Did you take it for a test drive?
Deirdre: Girl, we're talking about people, not machinery! You're going to have to try harder than that.
Alisha: A test drive is a test drive; you're not signing your name to the contract! As long as it's two consenting adults, and there's some communication before you take the plunge, then what's the problem? Early intimacy isn’t always the death knell for a future relationship.
Deirdre: OK, you mentioned communication. How would that conversation go? Assuming you've just met.
Alisha: Let's set the scene: A man and a woman meet for dinner. For dessert, they take a moon-lit walk around the city lake, holding hands. There's a strong physical attraction. Man takes woman home and their eyes linger for ages on the front porch as they kiss ...
Alisha: Then, woman asks man (or vice versa): "Before we proceed, how do you think tonight went and do you see us meeting for future dates? And, do we understand what we're about to do next?"
Deirdre: Talk about throwing cold water on a hot moment! Do you know anyone that has actually worked for?
Alisha: Sure. Me.
Alisha: We’re not talking about Gettysburg Address-type communication. Ensuring you're on the same page would be helpful.
Deirdre: I agree. But how many people take that mature step? How many people have you known where the woman is like, "well, if I want him to like me, I'd better sleep with him ..." And the guy is like, "SCORE!" and not even thinking about tomorrow?
Alisha: How many people are divorced? Is it OK to answer a question with a question?
Deirdre: What does the divorce rate have to do with this?
Alisha: Life is about risks and rewards. If you're going to say you cannot kiss or involve further intimacy on every first date, you could be missing out.
Deirdre: On what?
Alisha: Excitement, exploration and emotional bonds.
Deirdre: Because you save physical interaction until the next time you meet? I doubt that.
Alisha: How is not kissing on the first date going to forever alter the next date? It's not.
Deirdre: I think it could. You're just getting to know each other. Adding physical stuff at the beginning could muddle things. Besides, people have to learn each other's bodies and what they like. A horrible first kiss could turn someone off, and they could miss out on a good thing by writing the other person off too soon.
Alisha: Hello! Your kissing ability doesn't change from week to week. If the first kiss is horrible, then you won’t be coming back for seconds. I'd rather know my partner is a horrible kisser from the get-go than get five dates in (and wasted money and energy) and be turned off by their lack of ability.
Deirdre: You could be nervous, or, you could be doing it for the wrong reason (because you feel like you have to, not because you want to). All of that affects lip ability and tongue control. (smile)
Deirdre: And if you're enjoying each other's company, it's not a waste of money or energy.
Alisha: Thanks for bringing the conversation back to: "what does this have to do with the divorce rate?" ... Too many people settle for a bad kisser or a bad lover because they enjoy spending time with their partner. However, a few years pass and one partner has an urge to be with a great kisser or a great lover, and that's where infidelity and unhappiness might rear its ugly head.
Deirdre: Oh, I agree with everything you just said! I just feel like people rush the physical side of things when they should be getting to know each other's minds, not bodies. And there's something to be said for the sexiness of anticipation.
Alisha: I'll just adopt the motto: Must take for a test drive.
Deirdre: And I'll say drive slowly until you know where you're going.
Now, comments are welcome, readers, but please keep them clean!