Since we're on the topic of early intimacy and first dates, I might as well throw out another important question: Who's supposed to pay for the date?
There are at least half a dozen scenarios: guy asks girl to go out, so guy should pay for it all; two men (or women) meet at a bar and hit it off, so they share their tabs; or hey, it’s 2006 and the woman makes $90,000 and can easily buy dinner and drinks at Morton’s.
According to a survey conducted by the dating service It’s Just Lunch, out of 3,597 singles, 82 percent of single men say the man always pays for a first date when set up by friends. However, 46 percent of single women believe the bill should be split evenly between the two parties.
My opinion? No matter who asked who or either person's salary, the entire date should be split right down the middle. It’s all about 50-50, folks (and this goes beyond the first date and into marriage). You’re both on the date, so why shouldn’t you both be expected to empty out your pockets?
Your opinion?
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
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10 comments:
Talk about flying in the face of tradition. If on the first date you split 50-50, what differentiates it from dinner out with a friend?? While I agree it should shift to more equality through the relationship, first dates are 'dates' for a reason.
I prefer not to allow my dates to pay for me. I've allowed men to do that for me in the past and all of them but one have thrown it back in my face. Now tell me why I should let a guy pay for my dinner when more than likely they'll just bring it up at the end as a reason to say I'm a gold digger.
Clearly the poster from 2:49pm has been dating the wrong men. I've never had a guy take issue with paying...in fact, they take issue with I've offered to pay. My advice: Date a nice southern man.
Anonymous at 3:05 the man should pay on the first date, ok, what the heck has that got to do with dating "good" southern men???? Wow, you must be that "southern-belle" we all hear about, "bless your little heart"!
Actually yes I am, and proud of it.
If you don't know the difference between a "good southern man" and any other man, then you obviously have never gone out with a "good southern man" NUFF SAID!!
Now married, my opinion goes back to the first date with my husband. He paid for dinner and then I offered on the movie. When he declined, I insisted on paying for the drinks and popcorn. I agree with 11:13am poster, 50-50 is too much like just a casual dinner with a friend and not a date. As the relationship progresses so will the sharing in costs, but for the first date (and a few more) have him pay but you might want to consider offering to pay for something else that evening.
If a guy asks a girl out for dinner, then when the check comes he should pick it up and pay. I always do - and to me her best response is a simple "thank you". If instead she moves for her purse and offers to pay for part then I always politely decline, and again I think her best move at that point is to just say thanks and let it go. I don't like it if she insists on paying half. Girls who do this will usually give "I don't want him to expect anything" or "I don't want to feel like I owe him anything" or "I don't want him to throw it back it my face" and so on and so on as their reasons. They just need to lighten up. If you're dating guys where that would be the case then you need to be more selective. There are still plenty of us Southern gentlemen around who don't do that stuff at all, and don't think paying for dinner on a first date leads to any expectations - either that night or down the road. If we catch a movie or ice cream or whatever after and she wants to pay that's always cool. Or if we have a few dates and on one she says "This one is my treat" that's great too. But honestly if I ask her to dinner and she accepts, then makes a big deal over the check it really is a turn off to me. Sometimes you just need to relax and not "overthink" every little thing. Just let the guy be the guy.
Thank you frenchwoman and another southern belle, etc! I think we should all 'bless - anonymous at 3:31 yesterday's - little heart' that she hasn't met a good southern man.
Personally, I think that the tradition of the guy paying for the first day is very old fashioned. I don't WANT a guy paying for me - I can pay for myself... and I will offer to pay my own way. If he absolutely INSISTS on paying, then I would let him, but I would not want to make a habit of that - I would feel like a freeloader.
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