About those adorable boys

A reader remark on yesterday's blog really got to me, and I feel the need to reply. His comment:

"Quit over-thinking things. YOU PEOPLE ... the women-folk ... make everything too difficult and you are your own worst enemies. That guy might turn out to be the man of your dreams, but you're too busy thinking about things outside of the present to get to step one. Live in the moment!"

And to that I say: "Live in the moment?" Dude, what do you think I've been doing?!

I've spent the majority of my dating life living in the moment. And it's gotten me some great times, to be sure, but also plenty of short-lived ones. I've decided I want more than that, and to accomplish it, I've got to operate differently than I have in the past.

The most important step in finding a suitable mate is to KNOW YOURSELF. To know what's important to you, know what you're capable of in a relationship, and know what you will and will not put up with. In other words, that means having what a good friend of mine refers to as a "come to Jesus" talk with yourself. I've had plenty of those chats over the past couple of years, and here are the top two conclusions I've come to.

1. I want to be in a stable, honest, intelligent pairing filled with love, laughter and passion. Such a relationship is possible for me, but it's gonna take some work and patience to find.

2. The men I tend to be attracted to often have the "love, laughter and passion" stuff down, but fail miserably at the "stable, honest and intelligent" part. After years of failed attempts, I have accepted that this is not the type of man for me. However, because such men are my weakness, I have to be alert.

And yes, that means thinking before I act. I don't consider that making things difficult for myself; in fact, I see it as saving myself a lot of heartache down the road. I sense there are plenty of women out there who would read this and shake their heads in recognition and understanding. There comes a point where you have to stop letting your heart -- and your loins -- lead the way.

Now, if all this means I'm gonna miss out on a guy who I'll have a great time with in the short run, I'm OK with that. I'm looking for a man who's ready to have a great time for years to come.