Let's talk about sex

Alisha: Last week, I interviewed Lisa Terrell, a certified sex therapist, marital counselor and owner of Lydia's Loom Counseling in Charlotte. She told me about an interesting concept.
Deirdre: Let's hear it.
Alisha: Charlotte Sexual Health is hosting a weekend getaway for couples, Sept. 22-24. It's designed to renew passion, and to facilitate learning more about each other on an intimate level.
Deirdre: Cool idea, if people can get their spouses to go along with it.
Alisha: Why wouldn’t they be interested?
Deirdre: I think the majority of people think their sex lives are meant only for their bedrooms.
Deirdre: In the dark. At night. Under covers. When the kids are asleep.
Alisha: But, there won't be any kids at this retreat, and this getaway will not be a group of people trying out some funky Kama Sutra-type of group exercises. It's about learning how to keep up the spark.
Deirdre: But I think lots of people are skittish about talking about sex, don't you? Even with their partners.
Alisha: It's a good idea to break out of our comfort zones. Most of the "therapy" will be among a small group of people who are there for similar reasons. Who wouldn't want to spend three days focusing on their sex life?
Deirdre: Ooooh, I'm not down with the group therapy thing. It's hard enough for people to open up to a therapist on their own. But then you add your spouse and some total strangers, and you're expected to candidly discuss your sex life? I think that's too much to ask.
Alisha: You wouldn't find it comforting to know other people have some of the same problems you have? You know, wives who are "never in the mood," or husbands who suffer from rapid ejaculation or couples whose kids sleep with them more than they sleep with each other? It would definitely make me feel less isolated.
Deirdre: If anyone does any research about their issues (or just reads the Cosmo headlines) they'll find other people suffer from the same problems. So that argument doesn't fly with me.
Alisha: Who has time to do research? If you and your partner take the time to get away from the kids, the office, the in-laws, etc., then you're facing your sexual problems head-on. And, there’s an important point: Often, one partner has an issue, and the other doesn't see it or chooses not to recognize it. All the research in the world can't change the state of things, unless you actively do something about it.
Deirdre: It doesn't take long to visit a library, do an online search, read a magazine article or ask your doctor during a physical. It's about priorities. Then again, that's what I like about this seminar: It's concentrated time for couples who have made their sex lives a priority. I'm just saying the group part might be uncomfortable for some, that's all.
Deirdre: Did Lisa say if most people come to her sessions as preemptive strikes -- couples looking to strengthen an already strong sexual relationship -- or when couples have agreed they're in trouble?
Alisha: She said it's a mix of both; however, she said once many couples' sexual crisis is over, they are not as interested in more counseling.
Deirdre: Couples don’t take the next step of learning how to make what's good even better?
Alisha: Face it, it's easy to fix an issue and then forget about it because, well, it’s no longer a problem. For many, sex isn't a priority.
Deirdre: Why is that, do y'think, old married lady? (wink)
Alisha: Time+work+kids+stress+life=No sex. Geez, sounds like a future Woody Allen film.
Deirdre: But our culture is so sex-drenched. Is it possible we're becoming bored with sex?
Deirdre: Or is everyone reading this choking on Coke or coffee as they burst out laughing at the absurdity of that statement?
Alisha: Bored isn't the word.
Deirdre: Desensitized?
Alisha: To some, it's no longer important to cultivate intimacy. Some think, “Hey, I've got the ring, I've got the house, I've got the hot husband. Why do I need to learn how to have better sex?”
Deirdre: Uh, to enjoy the hot husband even more? If you're going to be together for years, why not learn how to enjoy each other?
Deirdre: People who get bored may stray. Or be miserable. That's a big chunk of your life to give up on.
Alisha: When you marry, you commit to be with that person forever, and it's hard to tell the one you love, "Hey, sex with you is boring and lifeless," without hurt feelings or perhaps more serious repercussions. This is one reason why the sexual health weekend is a great idea. Two people can discuss their sex lives openly and honestly in a neutral environment.
Alisha: It takes two people to have sex. And, it takes two people to solve the problem.
Alisha: I would love to go on this sexual health weekend with my husband, but the price is a bit steep for those of us on a limited budget. The basic weekend package is $495 (cheaper options are available, though).
Deirdre: Girl, therapy doesn't come cheap.
Alisha: We did say it’s all about priorities, right?