Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Wait 3 days before calling?

Deirdre: I was chatting with a close male friend about a chick he was about to start dating, and I said something I never thought I would.
Alisha: Let's set up a dating profile together online? [smile]
Deirdre: Ew. NO.
Deirdre: He had talked to this chick and he was gonna call her the very next day to set up a date. I blurted out, “No way! You can’t call her the next day! It’ll look like you’re desperate.” I never knew I was a follower of the Rules when it comes to who calls whom, and when.
Alisha: Oh boy, I can see where this is going. What rules? Where's Moses and his 10 Commandments of Dating? Why do we need rules to govern our heart? So when did you tell your friend he should call her? Let me guess ... three days later?
Deirdre: No, I told him to wait two days.
Alisha: By then, your friend's hot girl will have found another beau to kiss on.
Deirdre: Dang, it’s only two days! If she found another dude that quick, maybe he doesn’t need to get with her. But my reasoning: One day you look desperate; three days you look like you don’t care. Two days is juuuuuuust right.
Alisha: So, you meet someone. You two hit it off. The conversation is great. The chemistry is right. The butterflies in your stomach can't stop fluttering. You part ways. And then, you're telling me you have to wait two looooooong days just to talk with that person again? Why delay the inevitable?
Deirdre: Girl, why you always gotta make it hard for me? It’s not that simple. If it happened the way you just described, I would be bummed if he didn’t call the next day. If the chemistry and connection are that strong, neither one of us should be able to wait to talk to each other again. But the two-day thing -- that’s safe.
Alisha: Picking up the phone is harmless. I say you both know if you hit it off and there shouldn't be restrictions. This three-day, two-day, once a lady crap is just that: crap.
Deirdre: Tell us how you REALLY feel, Alisha.
Alisha: You're telling me that two people are going to know exactly when and what time to call each other -- exactly two or three days later? Why complicate matters?
Deirdre: Actually, I’m making it simple. Calling within the first few days is totally acceptable -- and in the game that men and women, and men and men, and women and women play, you’re not showing too much of your hand, so to speak, if you call within that time frame. It’s when you mess up and wait more than a week that matters get complicated.
Alisha: That's the truth. Gosh, the difference between two days and seven days is an eternity! Bottom line - if you're digging someone and you're fairly certain they dug you, then pick up the phone and tell him or her that. Life's too short to be put on hold just because some silly rule says you should.
Deirdre: Um, but don’t act too fast, or the other person might think you’re a stalker. It’s a fine line. Even you can see that, can’t you?
Alisha: Yes, I see that, accept it and understand it. Doesn't make waiting two or three days gospel. Do you think a man or a woman came up with that asinine rule?
Deirdre: Well, it had to be a man, because for the longest time men were the accepted dating aggressors. Now, though, many women wouldn’t even blink before asking a guy for his number. And this is where it can get interesting: the phone number. Which number did you give out when you and your hubby started dating? Your home or cell phone number?
Alisha: I gave him my home number. And even my real name, believe it or not.
Deirdre: Thank you! I’m all about giving the home phone number if I really click with a man. You can give any critter your cell number just to get him to go away (and a fake cell number at that). But I think there’s a level of intimacy that comes with giving a person your home phone number. Unless you don’t have a land line, of course.
Alisha: Finally, something we agree on: Home phones = serious potential flame. Cell phones = possible, if the stars and moon align right, then you might get lucky.
Deirdre: Think back to when you were dating. If you gave a guy your number and he didn’t call until a week-10 days later, would you still give him a chance?
Alisha: You know how long it's been since I was single? Going on seven years! Let me think. If he called 10 days later, sure, I'd still talk with him if I was interested. And I'd also wonder why he took so long.
Deirdre: Sister, a man would have to do some serious talking to get me interested again! I have to refer to “He’s Just Not That Into You” when I say that if you’re really interested in someone, you will make the time to talk to them, no matter what. After a week, I’m thinking dude just ain’t all that interested.
Alisha: Evidently there's a common denominator between 10 days and 0 days for you, and that's um, what, two days? Silly rubbish if you ask me. If you're into someone, call them when the mood hits. Don't wait.
Deirdre: Heh. You’d better NOT wait.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd been as wrapped up in playing "the game" as much as anyone, but when I met my husband that all went out the window. We met via a friend, had mega sparks, spent the evening talking until the wee hours, and at the end of the night he asked if he could call me and I gave him my number. He called early the next day and said he couldn't wait to see me again and asked if I wanted to spend the day with him - I did! We were both excited about how we felt and couldn't wait to talk again. It didn't feel desperate... it felt genuine. We saw each other as often as possible after that and married 6 months later. 11 years and 2 kids later we're still together, and still excited about each other... I guess the moral is you shouldn't be afraid to bend the rules if you meet the right person. I'm sure it can backfire on you, but you might miss something really special waiting around and playing games.

Anonymous said...

Deirdre!
I'm shocked. Shame on you making that man wait if he'd really like to talk to this girl. Maybe it depends on the girl, but personally, I'm sick of all this game-playing (maybe 'cause I'm so bad at it) and these rules ('cause there always seems to be another one that I don't know until it's too late). If you like me, call me. If you call me the next day -- or that night, depending on the chemistry and the date -- I know we felt the same way. If we didn't respond equally, I start to know how this is going too.... Anyway, the longer I have to wait, the more I know he's not that in to me. 2 days, it means he's willing to try to get into my pants, but I'm not sure he's willing to get into my heart and head. Know what what I mean?
Michele

Anonymous said...

One more thing, I give out my home number, because I'm seldom there and I can screen the calls when I am there and decide whether I want to talk or not. With the cell phone, it's with me all the time. I'm likely to answer it if I hear it ring. Once again, there's a rule I didn't know, and of course, I was doing it wrong!
Michele

Anonymous said...

I remember when boys first started calling me (this was many years ago), they would always wait about 2-3 days before calling. And I'd always think, "OK, they're trying to play it cool, not seem too eager." I understood, and didn't assume he wasn't interested just because he didn't call immediately. But as a grownup, I don't worry about rules like that. I work full-time and have a life, so I don't pay attention to how long it takes a man to call me. The men who interest me also have lives of their own. They may also be busy with school or their children. I wouldn't want them to wait too long (more than a week), but if he did and I was still interested, I'm not going to turn him down...it's not every day I meet a guy who really gets my attention! And Deirdre, quoting "He's Just Not That Into You" doesn't work here. The guy called, showing an interest. He just didn't jump and call in your prescribed time frame. Life is too short to count days and hold it against someone!

Anonymous said...

All this phone call talk....when is the right time?? when is it too long??....well what about if you have had 2 dates that were wonderful, the guy tells you he really likes you but hardly ever calls?? I guess at 37 and back on the dating scene after 6 years I have to learn all the new games and rules...oh what joy!!!! Anyway...I think it just might be my best interest to give up on this guy and look for the next game player....batter up!!!!