"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." -- Bernard Meltzer.
They say family will always be there for you. They say friends come and go. They say blood is thicker than water.
Here's what I think: I say you can't always depend on family. I say friends often exit your life, but their imprint is everlasting. I say blood and water can coexist.
I’m so thankful for the friends I have, but there is one thing that bothers me about the intrinsic nature of friendship. Many don’t realize it’s a two-way street.
You know the kind. The friend who never e-mails, never calls, never visits, never does anything except expect you to maintain the vitality of the relationship.
Don’t get me wrong; I'm not perfect. We’ve all had busy times in our lives where the line of communication is temporarily out to lunch. Eventually for most people, though, the CLOSED sign is flipped back over to OPEN.
But it’s time some folks realize it takes energy to keep up a friendship and the responsibility shouldn’t be all on one person.
I can’t decide what to do with a particular friend. Do I continue to take up the slack for our friendship, and just figure one day she’ll come around to caring about what’s going on in my life once again? Or do I just leave our friendship in the past, and move on with my life? I mean, how many more times can I hear, “Yes, I’ll call you, I promise”?
What would you do in my situation? And what have you done with friends who fail to understand the importance of two-way communication?
Thursday, September 21, 2006
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4 comments:
Alisha, I'd let that friend go. Not burn a bridge per se, but just don't call her anymore. She has your phone number, she knows how to reach you. I've had situations like that occur. I had to realize times change and people change. If you didn't have a falling out, just say, "Oh well," and move on. If you run into her somewhere, talk to her, say, "It was good seeing you," and go on your merry little way. To quote that e-mail I know you have gotten a million times (haven't we all?), "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."
I have this one friend who is just as you describe in your blog. Although she is there for me at the times I need her most (that seems to be the only time she returns my calls), I still wish I had her friendship all year long. I know what it's like to make all the effort and sometimes get nothing in return. I must agree with that quote in the first post. Just leave it at that.
Last year we went through a rugged pregnancy with my daughter during which one of my twin grandsons was born too soon and died. Someone who often professed loudly to me that she was my friend and always would be dropped me cold during one of the most difficult times in my life. I say, let your friend go. She may come around, who knows? The lesson I learned last summer was that there were other friends who never saw the need to loudly profess their friendship. Those folks are truly my friends and were there for me when I truly needed them to see me through.
I was fortunate to learn early on that there are some people in your life - friends and family - that you just have to accept for who they are. I was once told the best relationships are when you have no expectations of the other person. I think in most cases this is true. If you can accept that a friend is not going to be there for your in the worst of times, but that they enhance the fun times, then there's no harm in fostering that relationship.
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