It’s time for some Thursday levity.
What’s the best (or worst in most cases) breakup excuse you’ve received?
There’s always the: “It’s not you, it’s me” speech, or the “I love you so much I just think it’s best we’re not together” sad song. And let’s not leave out a classic: “We’re better off as friends.”
Hopefully, after you get over your infuriation or possible disappointment, you can sit back and laugh at the absurdity of some of the excuses you’ve heard before.
A friend of mine had to do just that recently -- “laugh or I’ll go insane” is how he put it. He said a girl recently broke up with him because she had too many distractions going on in her life. Her excuse for wanting to end the courtship: “I just want to lay low.”
Oh dear! What does “laying low” truly mean, and do folks honestly think that's gonna fly as a reason to end a relationship?
And for the sake of full disclosure, the worst excuse I heard was from a guy I dated for a month or so in college. He told me: “I’m way too poor for you, so I just don’t think this is going to work out.” Too poor. Yeah buddy. Next!
So, let’s have it: Give us your lamest breakup excuse!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
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20 comments:
I don't know what category you'd put this in but "I had a one night stand a few weeks ago and she's pregnant." Uh, OK. The most mortifying situation I've ever been in. It's worked out great for me because they now have 5 kids while I get to travel with my wonderful, DEVOTED husband.
i think the worst is when they stop calling and fall off the face of the earth for no apparent reason at the time and then you happen to see them out and they make up an excuse like they had to get a new phone and "lost" your number-do they really think we are that stupid?
"You're too nice."
"We are growing apart" when you have spent practically everyday of the past 2 weeks with them which actually translates to "You are getting on my F*&^% nerves and I never wnat to see you again".
I actually told a guy, "You are annoying the crap out of me! Please go find other friends so I can have my space!"
The worst to me was, "You're just not a girl that guys like to date. You're a girl guys want to be friends with."
I dated a guy in high school and he wanted to have sex - I didn't. When he attempted to break up with me it was "Let's break up for a few months so I can 'sew my wild oats' (yes, he actually used that phrase!) and then we can get back together." We never dated again - though, oddly enough, we stayed friends...
We were in the middle of discussing the wedding when he said, "I've met someone else". The someone else was my friend that I had introduced him to a few months before. She divorced him after less than two years. My wonderful husband and I just passed our 30 year anniversary.
I'm the "lay low" guy mentioned. Today I found out "lay low" doesn't mean disappear forever. What it does mean though? At least two of us in this world don't know, haha.
All of you women... yeah you're all crazy haha. Glad I can provide entertainment and fodder here though. Keep 'em coming, I love these stories!
I used one, "I don't want to be 'that guy,' I feel like I should have my butt kicked." Referring to the soon to be separated husband that she still lived with. Found out that the separation and divorce did at least happen eventually.
I had a lady tell me at at the beginning of the relationship, that for some reason every ralationship ended around (4) months. Then when our (4) months arrived, she told me this classic line, "You are to Nice, and you like to do to many things"..!! I thought most women couldnt find a guy that would plan things and take them places...So this one really took me by surprise..
Hah. Great topic. Here are a few of my all-time favorites:
1. "You're not going to settle down in this town, so why should we be together?" (I'd known her a month.)
2. "You remind me too much of my ex-boyfriend, and I don't think it's fair to date someone just because of that."
3. "I'm getting back with my ex." (Via text message. Meanwhile, you know she isn't.)
4. I had a friend who was dating a guy who was separated but claimed to be madly in love with her. She got pregnant. He immediately abandoned my friend and rediscovered his devotion to the wife he'd previously hated.
Some discoveries, sadly, can work better than any marriage counseling.
Your schlong is too long.
Heard that one again last week.
You're so fat you smother me when you climb on top.
You, Girl, are way too hairy. I need a machette to go into that bush.
One word: masengill.
Do your next boyfriend a favor.
When you bring a live chicken into bed, that's crossed the line from kinky to perverted.
I told you if you slept with my Mom and Dad again, I would leave you. Damned swinging parents.
You can either have sex with me or the dog, but you can't have us both.
She chose Fido.
I meet a girl at a local pub, we have a great conversation for 30 minutes...she gives me her number...three days later I call her...please be reminded that this is my first call to her since our meeting...the call goes to voicemail...I leave a short and polite message...5 minutes later she sends me a text message saying to stop calling or she is going to report me for harrassment! True story...so watch out for the psychos....
The worst one I ever heard: "My last bf lived in Calif. & I didn't have to see him very often, & that's the way I like it." Needless to say, I let her have it for that one-told her that it was absolutely the weakest/worst one I'd ever heard, & I've heard more than my fair share of 'em over the years. That one takes the cake, the pie, & the can of whipped cream! BTW, it has yet to be topped, too! Party on!
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