Well, me and my lady had our first big fight/So I drove around 'till I saw the neon lights/Of a corner bar, it just seemed right, so I pulled up… -- "The Good Stuff" by Kenny Chesney
You can always find some life lessons buried in country music, in-between momma, trains, trucks, prisons or gettin’ drunk (thanks, David Allan Coe).
One such example is Kenny Chesney’s "The Good Stuff." The opening lyrics talk about a husband who gets into a fight with his wife for the first time. He then escapes to a bar where the bartender reminds him of all the hidden jewels a marriage provides.
Let’s face it: Even the strongest relationships endure arguments. Some are minuscule, many are pointless and a few kick off days of silence and separation.
So, how do you handle the aftermath of a big argument?
Every couple seems to confront them differently. Are you the one who spends the night on the couch? Do you follow the old adage "never go to bed angry," and you resolve all issues before falling asleep? Are you apt to write down your issues and then share them with your partner? Maybe you both drop the squabble and pick it up days later so you can discuss differences with level heads?
My husband is the type who needs to leave the room for some time to cool off and then we can continue our discussion. I’m the type who, when really frustrated, will get in the car and drive for 20 minutes with the windows down just to gather my thoughts.
No matter how you handle big fights -- because there definitely is no right or wrong answer here -- the key is to dig deep and remember all "The Good Stuff."
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8 comments:
My other and I both have very strong opinions on most topics under the sun and can both be quick to fight. For the most part we've learned to mellow out a bit and talk instead of yell. However when those ugly issues that create a fight come up we both realize there's a point where we need to walk away for a while. We don't live together so generally it's a sleep on it and contact each other the next day when we're both level-headed and calm. Seems to work well for us. Why stay up all night arguing just to not go to bed angry when you can get a good nights sleep and deal with it rationally the next day?
My wife and I have words all the time. I just seldom get to use mine.
You get mad. Where do you go? To my girlfriends house....
I clean when I am upset. Helps me gather my thoughts. If my hubby walks in and the house is clean, it makes him wonder what he has done wrong. He on the other hand wants to talk it all out after a 15 minute cool down.
I drive off too, usually after throwing something in his general direction (only if he's really, truly wrong). He walks away for a while... but we both learned that no matter how angry we are at each other, we have to still sleep in the same bed, or neither of us will get any sleep unless we know we're still next to each other...
Where do I go? The husband and new father (9 mo old)? I walk when I can. This week after a morning argument I walked to work. This evening I just sat in the other room. Door closed. Lights off. In past fights, at least once a week, I got out of the car and walked home. Once when we got home from somewhere and were arguing, I never went inside and walked to a field and cooled off. Exercise is great for gathering my thoughts and losing weight.
Sometimes we need to allow a cooling-off period before we talk it out. When we do come back to it, I ask my wife to explain the parts of her view that I don't understand or don't agree with. We both keep things in perspective: disagreements are of the moment; love and commitment are forever. This has worked for us for the past 35 years.
"You get mad. Where do you go? To my girlfriends house...."
You wonder why I need a therapist for trust issues...
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