Thursday, November 15, 2007

Is your husband or wife gone all the time?

After reading some various dating and relationship community forums, I came across one topic we haven't discussed in We Can Relate: Spouses who are gone all the time.

Maybe he travels on business Monday through Friday, or she's a big-time executive who puts in 100 hours at the office or maybe he's in the Navy and is on a ship for a six-month stretch.

Either way, it has to be difficult to feel like you're in a true partnership and to handle a household when your spouse just isn't around. I think it's important to learn from others -- the lessons gained as well as the mistakes made.

So, let's hear how you handle your significant other being gone. Does it get any easier after years of dealing with the absence? Do you blame their job as a reason for your divorce? Have you had to make life-changing decisions to repair the relationship because he or she is never at home?

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

My soon to be ex traveled 90% of the time. Eventually, it got too hard to be home all the time by myself and only have him home one day (if I was lucky) out of the week. I went to simple places like Target and saw couples shopping together and knew I would never have that with him because, for all intent and purpose, he was married to his job. He is a corporate trainer for a major company, makes great money, but can't really enjoy the fruits of his labor since he is never home. I ended up leaving because I was tired of living a single person's life in a married person's body. Some people love having all that time to theirself, but I hated it. I felt like he was a stranger if he was ever home for any stretch and that just broke my heart.

Legal Eagle said...

Hey Anon, don't act like you didn't know about this job before you married him.
I bet you're enjoying that fat alimony check that you rake off of his earnings from that job, aren't you?
What a hypocrite.

Anonymous said...

wow legal eagle, that was harsh. I've been there and no, I didn't know about that job - it was a promotion. and all the away time was wracked up with his new girlfriend - that destroyed our marriage and no - no fat check for me. nice work, jerk. glad you weren't my attorney.

Anonymous said...

spouse on the go always - have an affair - great way to spruce up the sex life.

you bitter people need to chill - it's not like you are not adults and can't control the direction of your life

Legal Eagle said...

Jerk or not, if he neglected you and cheated on you I would have gotten you a fat alimony check.

Anonymous said...

My husband is not gone all the time - thank God. I worked at the Westin bar downtown and that experience has taught me to NEVER marry someone whose work required 60% or more travel. Most of the married customers I came into contact were not faithful and didn't hide it. The whole staff from managers, cocktail waitresses to the bartenders were all propositioned by the people who lived in the hotel during the week.

Anonymous said...

Anon at 2:58, So those guys would ask you back to their rooms?

Anonymous said...

My soon-to-be fiance travels about 70% of the time and it's extremely unpredictable. There are two ways of looking at this situation (based on my mood a lot of the time!) 1. It's nice to have time to myself to go to the gym - eat really healthy food (that he hates) - work as late as I want to - meet up with girl friends - lay around - etc. on the other hand, it get's lonely sometimes just communicating via phone and email. Some nights when he works late or has work dinners, we don't get to talk until very late and by then I"m in bed so there goes a day without much contact. Also, when in town there are lots of late hours at the office for him - which can make planning even dinner difficult and unpredictable. It makes me feel unconnected somewhat ... sometimes. On the other hand I know that he is working hard and I knew this was his job from the beginning so I try to enjoy my 'space.'

We have discussed that this will not be the situation when it's time to have a family. We make this relationship work by staying in contact as much as possible (text messages, emails, quick calls in the AM & PM) and spending a lot of time together on the weekends and when he's in town.

I do get moody over this somedays but overall I know that I am so lucky to have an awesome and trustworthy guy who puts in a ton of effort into making this work out well!

Anonymous said...

It never ceases to amaze me how rude people can be online to people they've never met (re: legal eagle's first post).
If you wouldn't say it in front of your mom, don't say it.
Failing that, if you wouldn't say it to someone after they've had a few shots in a bar, don't say it either.
Please, have a little compassion people.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually dating a guy who lives in Texas. I don't want to move there and he can't move here. I like him and we see each other once a month. It's perfect for me.

I would even consider marrying the guy and keep separate residences.

I have a great life in Charlotte and want the best of both worlds.

I have no interest in dating anyone else or "cheating" on him.

Anonymous said...

So my soon to be fiance just received a job opportunity where he will be traveling A LOT. Who am I to tell him NOT to take the job. It is a dream job for him! I love him and I believe love is stronger than anything in this world. I feel sorry for those people who don't have enough love in there life. (Ex. legal eagle) We definitly know that it is going to be the biggest change and by far the toughest thing either one of us are going to deal with but I would never tell him he couldn't take the job...