Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Is he your 'type?'

Deirdre: I was at a party recently and was immediately drawn to one of the guests. He was funny, smart and sexy as hell. I'm looking for something serious, and he made it clear he's playing the field. So why couldn't I stay away from him?
Alisha: It's obvious. His "type" screams fun, spontaneity and danger. Did anything come of the encounter?
Deirdre: No, because I circulated like crazy until he left the party. Otherwise, I might've cornered him on the patio and done something I regretted (sort of). And that's what I mean -- I don't want a fling. I want a relationship! He was totally unsuitable for the latter.
Alisha: Typecasting can be unfair and hard to judge. What if that "player" at the party really isn't a player at all? I think it needs to be said not everyone totally fits into one "type," either. You have to get to know the person beyond the surface level.
Deirdre: Agreed, but if you are attracted to a certain "type" and you get to know them and you keep getting your heart broken, you know you're going after the wrong type.
Alisha: It's funny how we sometimes seek out the "types" that aren't really our "type." For example, I spent majority of my college days going to the beefcake dance clubs (ahem, BAR Charlotte) because I was attracted to the hot, Ken-doll types, but, I knew I'd never marry that type.
Deirdre: So what did you change when you were ready for something more ... concrete? Or did you change nothing and your man just sorta happened?
Alisha: You have to come to the realization if you're ever going to be satisfied, you need to seek out your type and stop chasing after the ones who just aren't.
Deirdre: What do you mean, "seek out your type"? You immersed yourself in Ken dolls! What did you do different?
Alisha: You have to be honest with yourself in what you want. I enjoyed looking at the Chippendale carbon copies, but that's all I wanted to do - look at them. I never really wanted to date or be in a long-term relationship with one.
Deirdre:
Ah, I see what you mean. But my problem is, I keep meeting guys who have qualities I desire -- smarts, great sense of humor, confidence, consideration for others, and did I mention sexy? -- but they seem to be missing the commitment chip. So I guess the question would be, if you like a certain type, and it's not the marrying type, how do you turn your brain (and parts below the neck) in the other direction? Why do we keep trying to make people who are obviously not suited for long-term commitment into ... long-term commitments?
Alisha: Well, that and why do we desire those who are not our "type" if we know what our type is in the first place?
Deirdre: Yeah! Why? Why, Alisha? Oh, married one?
Alisha: Got me!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

sounds like somebody is afraid of taking chances.

Anonymous said...

I'm just like Deirdre...I'm the same age, never married, and attracted to sexy, funny, smart guys...but they aren't committing. But I don't think it's the "type" of men that they are...it's just that the PARTICULAR men to whom I was attracted just weren't right for me. In other words, I know there is a smart, funny, sexy man out there who is right for me...so I'm not changing anything. I know what I want...it's just a matter of finding it.

Anonymous said...

As a guy, I often wonder about that fine line between commitment and being committed....

Anonymous said...

when are you women going to figure out what you want?! dont be throwing yourself at "danger"ous guys and then CLAIM you want a nice guy.
NEWSFLASH: some men act uncommittal because women sleep with men like that.
What women claim they want and what they respond to are two totally different things.

Anonymous said...

post #4 hit it right on the head. What women say they want and what they ACTUALLY want are NEVER, EVER, the same thing.