Friday, February 20, 2009

Girls: Why don't you call back?

Yesterday I wrote about how a guy asked for my number (we were at a club) and he hasn't called. I asked readers -- in particular, male readers -- what would make them ask for contact info and then not use it. Several guys turned the question back on me in the comments. Here's a great example:

"I completely understand your frustration, however as a guy I have had the same thing happen. You meet a girl at a bar/club have a good time and you both seem interested in another meeting, the girl gives you her number you call, and she doesn't answer or call back. I would rather her just say she's not interested and that would save us both time. I think that a lot of women are afraid to say no in person and it's easier to ignore a phone call."

I could not agree more -- just (tactfully) say you're not interested! That would be so refreshing. But I think our first response is to say something that will either avoid confrontation or spare feelings.

Ladies, it's your turn. A guy asks for your number. Do you give him a fake one? If it's real, do you give it knowing that you won't answer when he calls? Or do you give your number with every intention of talking to him ... but then wake up the next day and think better of it? Also: any chicks out there who pull a preemptive strike and ask for the guy's number first?


Scott said...

704-555-1234; give me a call

vincent said...

this is all fine and well, I am not sure if should be considered THE cold hard truth, or just what it is but happily monogamous people don't have this problem...consider all the frailties and day dreams brought out by pursuing someone worthy of dating, and thus in turn your own worthiness as such, calls not returned, flowers not given, truths not told, expectations not met, it is simply just part of the dance we all go through in that race, and sometimes crawl to find the one. Forcing the issue tends to bring forced returns, doing nothing does the same so take your chances knowing someone may not call you back if you give them your number, does it really matter? that person may have horrible personal hygiene issues anyway. Try, but take your time. take your chances, but understand the risk. This issue in one form or another has been going sense the day of the forbidden apple bite. It is just another one of life's facts that makes it all so interesting.

Anonymous said...

After what I have read that you wrote here I WOULD NOT suggest you give out "fake numbers".

You need all the horses in the race you can get!

You get trashed here for what you write by 90 something percent of those who comment and then you have men who never call you?

Hmmmmmmmmm what is the common denominator here?

Run into the bathroom and look in the mirror if you need a hint!

Anonymous said...

On behalf of guys everywhere, we would much rather take the initial sting of rejection in person, instead of getting misled into thinking theres the possibility of something in the future, only to have the woman ignore your calls and eventually figure out that she is not interested.

When women would rather make an excuse and put off the rejection until later because they "don't want to hurt the guy's feelings" they don't realize that misleading the guy will hurt him much more than being honest up front.

If you are afraid of that confrontation, just say you have a boyfriend from the get-go. The guy will think "of course she does, she is attractive/charming, why wouldn't she have a boyfriend" and there wouldnt be any type of heartbreak. If you are worried about hurting someone's feelings, the WORST thing you can do is make him think there is a chance only to have him figure out that he never did.

barkomomma said...

We should all just turn gay. That would fix all the cross-gender problems, right?

Anonymous said...

You totally need to see "He's Just Not That Into You." Total chick-flick (with some cheese factor), but I think it's right on the mark. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm a female. If I was interested, I would give him my number (my cell). If I wasn't, I probably wouldn't. If I was on the fence, I'd probably give him my number and let it go to vmail. Then it would be up to me to reply (if I want to see him again or not). If I didn't, obviously I wouldn't call back.

Anonymous said...

Men tend to underestimate how often women give out their number. I have female friends who don't remember who they meet or talk to casually at a bar. Often a name, bar and day are not enough to identify a person you barely met. And many women are embarrassed to admit they don't remember who you are because it gets construed as being a sign they are everyone's pal.

Point being, it helps to be memorable. If you don't stand out, why would she remember you? If she can't remember you, she won't call.

Women remember:

* Jerks/Shockers
* Sincerely Courteous People
* Protectors
* Passionate Specialists
* Intelligent and Articulate People
* Good/Terrible Dancers